Fear of the in between

[sadlyexisting]

I've been planning, researching and practicing my suicide a lot the last few days, and it's perfect, if there's no unplanned for intrusions it'll definitely be a successful attempt.

But there's that one fear that I can't get rid of; that fear of the in between, the near death experiences, the last sliver of consciousness and illusions before everything fades to black.

I am ready, but it terrifies me and I find no way to pass that fear. I researched it and it only made me more terrified. I don't know why.

I've never been more sure, having no doubts anymore, but that one simple fear keeps me from it, whether it's the survival instinct kicking or a generalised fear, I do not know.

Does anybody feel the same and relate, maybe even has tips on how to move past this totally unreasonable fear?

 

[tonicer]

I often stood next to the train tracks and had a fear that felt kinda like what you describe. I think it's a sign that the time is not right, yet. Wait a little bit longer until you feel perfectly at ease with anything surrounding it.

 

[unluckysadness]

I have this fear too. Like the fear that Patrick Swayze has in the movie "Ghost" when he realized he's dead (one of my favourite movies btw). I believe these NDE stories and I fear of being aware of everything, looking at my corpse being autospied, my family crying after me and all these terrible things. I fear being judged and being forced to reincarnate. Negative NDEs are so scary... That's why suicide is a sort of gamble. But sometimes we're forced to ctb, and we're all die one day, so we shouldn't worry that much about it. And SI is extremely powerful. It's not an "unreasonable fear". Human brain wasn't designed to kill itself.

You're not the only one to have this fear. But I think it's good if your method is ready. I means you don't need to hurry if you can cope day after day. I also think that when times come, well, times comes. And I think that time comes when your suffering is stronger than SI (for example if you're burning or if someone tortures you - in these cases your brain won't think twice and will choose suicide). It's only my theories, I may be completely wrong. But I wish you peace if times comes for you.

 

[jdogg60]

I've felt similar trepidation when contemplating that. Certainly not 'unreasonable'.

 

[cctt23]

i've absolutely felt this too. i'm particularly, also scared of the last seconds and fearing consciousness and an overwhelming sense of regret once it's too late