Thank you all<3 leaving soon

[tearsinrain]

Can I ask you guys for one last piece of advice?

Of course!

 

[Done]

I have an ex. He meant a lot to me. I gave up everything (Ivy league school, my home) to move to Florida to be with him. And then I found out he cheated and lied to me the whole time about who he was, his morals, etc. I feel he is flawed like we all are, but a good person, though he didn't treat me well. I saw him 2 months ago and he seemed to be suffering from delusions, psychosis, etc. I really care for him and have prayed for him, reached out to him, etc, but for some reason he is just really angry (or was as of two months ago). Haven't heard from his since. I think about him everyday and just wondering if I should reach out to him before I go to tell him I love him, even if it's to his voicemail. Or should I not because he really mistreated me and his actions say he doesn't care..?

I just want to know if I should say fuck it and tell him one last time I love him and forgive him before I go.

(Edit: I will not be telling him I'm leaving, obviously. Just telling him how I feel about him).

 

[Hunter]

I have an ex. He meant a lot to me. I gave up everything (Ivy league school, my home) to move to Florida to be with him. And then I found out he cheated and lied to me the whole time about who he was, his morals, etc. I feel he is flawed like we all are, but a good person, though he didn't treat me well. I saw him 2 months ago and he seemed to be suffering from delusions, psychosis, etc. I really care for him and have prayed for him, reached out to him, etc, but for some reason he is just really angry (or was as of two months ago). Haven't heard from his since. I think about him everyday and just wondering if I should reach out to him before I go to tell him I love him, even if it's to his voicemail. Or should I not because he really mistreated me and his actions say he doesn't care..?

I just want to know if I should say fuck it and tell him one last time I love him and forgive him before I go.

It's completely up to you. But just know if he picks up and you start talking, it may change your mindset about leaving right now. On the other hand, if it goes to voicemail, it could give you more of a sense of peace.

 

[Charlie]

I have an ex. He meant a lot to me. I gave up everything (Ivy league school, my home) to move to Florida to be with him. And then I found out he cheated and lied to me the whole time about who he was, his morals, etc. I feel he is flawed like we all are, but a good person, though he didn't treat me well. I saw him 2 months ago and he seemed to be suffering from delusions, psychosis, etc. I really care for him and have prayed for him, reached out to him, etc, but for some reason he is just really angry (or was as of two months ago). Haven't heard from his since. I think about him everyday and just wondering if I should reach out to him before I go to tell him I love him, even if it's to his voicemail. Or should I not because he really mistreated me and his actions say he doesn't care..?

I just want to know if I should say fuck it and tell him one last time I love him and forgive him before I go.

I think that's your decision to make. You seem to want to do that, so maybe do it?

Be aware he might feel awful knowing he couldn't stop you? I'm not sure I'm not thinking straight I'm shaking. Holy fuck I hope you don't do it.

 

[Done]

I think that's your decision to make. You seem to want to do that, so maybe do it?

Be aware he might feel awful knowing he couldn't stop you? I'm not sure I'm not thinking straight I'm shaking. Holy fuck I hope you don't do it.

I'm not going to tell him I'm doing anything. To be honest it'll probably go to his voicemail. Just saying I love him and I forgive him.

 

[Final Escape]

Hi guys,

I had been "lurking" here for a while and then finally created an account when I first purchased N. After a few hiccups with the whole N thing, I finally received it. Then I waited a couple of weeks to save up money for a hotel, take off of work, and spend time with my family and friends and eat a lot of good food lol.

I just had my best "last" meal at a phenomenal seafood restaurant in Queens. (It won't be my last meal but was the best food I will have before I ctb). Tomorrow I check into the hotel. I will spend one day at the hotel, probably watching movies I love, listening to music, going to eat, gamble and have a drink or two. Then on Friday I will ctb.

I will update this thread tomorrow because I can't tell anyone else in my life what I will be up to. I really appreciate everyone here. Even if we didn't speak personally, reading everyone's comments makes me feel like we are a quirky, beautiful family in a way. :)

Also, does anyone else read "ctb" as "kick the bucket"? LOL. Please tell me I'm not the only one lol!

<3

Good luck, I hope it goes well. I'm very jealous lol! I'm feeling the pressure to ctb myself soon.

 

[MachineGunDani]

It's sad u have to be alone during this time. Wish someone could b there with u! If u need anyone to talk to while going thru it (even on the phone) let me know!

 

[tearsinrain]

I'm not going to tell him I'm doing anything. To be honest it'll probably go to his voicemail. Just saying I love him and I forgive him.

I think you should do what feels right to you and gives you peace of mind...

 

[Done]

I just did. left a quick voicemail. I'm trembling but going to drink the N in a few.

 

[Charlie]

I just did. left a quick voicemail. I'm trembling but going to drink the N in a few.

I hop you know it's okay to walk away if you want.

If not, I really hope you rest in peace.

 

[tearsinrain]

I just did. left a quick voicemail. I'm trembling but going to drink the N in a few.

It sounds like you did the right thing to give you peace of mind. I'm glad it went to voicemail----but you know he will hear it and know you love and forgive him <3

 

[Ktmnny]

I just did. left a quick voicemail. I'm trembling but going to drink the N in a few.

Im glad you got to leave the voicemail and say what you wanted to say, I will do something similar when the time comes
I agree with the above comment that you can postpone if you arent ready just yet, but if you are ready now then Im wishing you the best and sending you all my strength.

 

[Done]

Im glad you got to leave the voicemail and say what you wanted to say, I will do something similar when the time comes
I agree with the above comment that you can postpone if you arent ready just yet, but if you are ready now then Im wishing you the best and sending you all my strength.

Thank you

 

[whatmattersmost]

for me it was cease to breath at first lol

People made a Thread about You
They all thought You had ctb.

 

[tearsinrain]

People made a Thread about You
They all thought You had ctb.

This is not the thread for that. Please don't disrupt Done's thread, it's very inconsiderate.

 

[Charlie]

I think I might have to go throw up. If I miss your final words, I'm sorry. I hope I join you soon <3

 

[Hunter]

I think I might have to go throw up. If I miss your final words, I'm sorry. I hope I join you soon <3

You're spreading your anxiety around, man. Just try to relax. She's an adult and can make her own decision, whether she goes today or not.

 

[Charlie]

You're spreading your anxiety around, man. Just try to relax. She's an adult and can make her own decision, whether she goes today or not.

Okay. Sorry

 

[whatmattersmost]

This is not the thread for that. Please don't disrupt Done's thread, it's very inconsiderate.

It's people like You. . .and I wonder why I'm Suicidal.
Don't reprimand people You don't know.
It's a Public Thread.

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

I think it's important that you do what YOU want to do, no holding back for the wrong reasons. If he mistreated you, but you still want to reach out, I think that says a lot about you. I want to say that makes you the better person, regardless of how someone treats you, but that isn't very fitting because right now it's not about being the better person. If anything you are just being true to yourself and that is so admirable at the highest level. Your love and care is like a bright light that nothing untoward can dim.

If you do ktb and he finds out, it would be such sweet peace of mind for you that you made the effort to let him know that you forgave him.. Life and ultimately death should have no place for petty grudges and eternal regrets. If he is even only half as caring as you it would certainly tug on his heart strings, but it should make your passing easier to grieve and accept. It's a gracious gesture, if nothing else.

 

[MachineGunDani]

Suicide is a hard thing for everyone involved. It's natural to b upset when someone does it and it's natural to b scared and anxious when doing it! I don't enjoy knowing people are killing themselves but I know what suffering feels like and I don't blame or criticize anyone for making that choice. We didn't have a choice coming into this world so we should have a choice to leave if it's making us miserable. Done, u should listen to some music! Music has great ability to change moods!!

 

[Done]

I have no choice, I've been ready and survival instinct is making me tremble. I don't know why because I was at such peace all the days leading up to this, including yesterday and even this morning. But now I'm trembling. I have to do it though. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to calm my nerves? I will listen to music now, also going to smoke a cigarette outside. Anyone else have any suggestions? With N it's advised not to drink alcohol ahead of time and I don't have benzos in the hotel. ANY Advice to kick this instinct?

 

[Charlie]

I have no choice, I've been ready and survival instinct is making me tremble. I don't know why because I was at such peace all the days leading up to this, including yesterday and even this morning. But now I'm trembling. I have to do it though. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to calm my nerves? I will listen to music now, also going to smoke a cigarette outside. Anyone else have any suggestions? With N it's advised not to drink alcohol ahead of time and I don't have benzos in the hotel. ANY Advice to kick this instinct?

It's okay to come back to this another day. <3 don't pressure yourself into stuff.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

I personally listen to motivational music when I want to do something that makes me anxious.

But I also want to beg you to stop. I shouldn't. But I want to. But I shouldn't. But I want to. Oh God, poor cookie.

If this was my thread and I was about to commit suicide, this message would drive me nuts and make me even more nervous...

I know your intentions are of good nature, but this is a suicide forum. and right now, Done needs support to get through this...

 

[Charlie]

If this was my thread and I was about to commit suicide, this message would drive me nuts and make me even more nervous...

Okay, imma be 100% silent form now and only observe. I'm really toxic I'm sorry >_<

 

[Ktmnny]

I have no choice, I've been ready and survival instinct is making me tremble. I don't know why because I was at such peace all the days leading up to this, including yesterday and even this morning. But now I'm trembling. I have to do it though. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to calm my nerves? I will listen to music now, also going to smoke a cigarette outside. Anyone else have any suggestions? With N it's advised not to drink alcohol ahead of time and I don't have benzos in the hotel. ANY Advice to kick this instinct?

What if you try writing down all of your reasons? All of the shit things that have been on your mind, that have always stayed on your mind.

 

[Done]

If this was my thread and I was about to commit suicide, this message would drive me nuts and make me even more nervous...

I know your intentions are of good nature, but this is a suicide forum. and right now, Done needs support to get through this...

It's ok, it's not driving me crazy. I'm usually a rational person, I've been up until this point. It's not me and I'm in sheer panic. I'm going outside to smoke a cigarette. I have to do this tonight though, it's the reason I stayed in a hotel for 3 days, blew all my money, etc. I won't have this shot again for a while and I will be so mad at myself. I feel like I'm being a little bitch and it's so not me. I have to do this. I seriously will appreciate any practical advice and suggestions to overcome this survival instinct/nerves.

 

[Ben]

I have no choice, I've been ready and survival instinct is making me tremble. I don't know why because I was at such peace all the days leading up to this, including yesterday and even this morning. But now I'm trembling. I have to do it though. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to calm my nerves? I will listen to music now, also going to smoke a cigarette outside. Anyone else have any suggestions? With N it's advised not to drink alcohol ahead of time and I don't have benzos in the hotel. ANY Advice to kick this instinct?

You're using N as your method? I was under the impression that all you gotta do is chug or inject that shit and you're good...the survival instinct is not unintentional. If you felt any passion to live while taking part in your
Method, maaaaybe listen to it. If you're having second thoughts now, I would listen to them...

But, if you are sitting there, frustrated that you can't KTB, then I would reevaluate your method. I was convinced just as much as you were, that your method would work.

If it didnt, then there is no shame in that, let us help you find a method that you can achieve peacefully!

 

[Hunter]

But I also want to beg you to stop. I shouldn't. But I want to. But I shouldn't. But I want to.

More anxiety. This is why I wouldn't want to post on my last day. I don't want to be swayed either way.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

It's ok, it's not driving me crazy. I'm usually a rational person, I've been up until this point. It's not me and I'm in sheer panic. I'm going outside to smoke a cigarette. I have to do this tonight though, it's the reason I stayed in a hotel for 3 days, blew all my money, etc. I won't have this shot again for a while and I will be so mad at myself. I feel like I'm being a little bitch and it's so not me. I have to do this. I seriously will appreciate any practical advice and suggestions to overcome this survival instinct/nerves.

If I knew how to overcome survival instinct, I wouldn't be here! So I'm not sure if my advice will help you much. The times I've attempted suicide though, I felt quite calm and unmoved with what I was doing. It felt like the right thing to do. I felt happy. I just took a deep breath and accepted that this was it and started proceeding to kill myself. Obviously didn't work, but I was a naive person back then. I say it's like ripping off a band-aid, just do it. That's what I kept telling myself. "just do it!" and "this is it!". Giving myself little pep talks, haha. Maybe it's because I felt ready? I'm not sure. Do you feel as if you've done everything you wanted and you're positive suicide is your only way out? There might be something holding you back.