Help Text from ex-boyfriend

[lita-lassi]

 

[Meteora]

Block him you mean? @lita-lassi
but that doesn't take the pain and memory, does it?

 

[INTJme]

Hey...
I just skimmed through the entire thread and I'm really sorry for all that you've gone through and continue to go through.
I've known first hand what betrayal means in love, especially when you give it your all in a relationship and they just... leave you.
It's been over six months since my ex-fiancee called off our wedding and we broke up and not a day goes by when I don't have intrusive thoughts about it.
Life just isn't fair but we need to keep moving forward, no matter how painful or impossible it seems. Try to focus your attention to work or any hobbies you may have. Maybe even volunteer (social service) if there's opportunities nearby? Just keep yourself distracted and try not to stalk your ex's social media; it can only make things worse. Focus on self-care, try meditation and yoga. There's plenty you can do. You don't deserve to be in agony.

 

[Meteora]

@INTJme Thank you for your kind and encouraging words...... I m so sorry you have to experience the same....

and not a day goes by when I don't have intrusive thoughts about it.

That's.... tough... after six months.... how do you deal with it? I have intrusive thoughts all the time still, I cry every day at least once, today I woke up and had to cry. I see and remember him everywhere, seems there's not a single object in my appartment that doesn't remind me of him...... I honestly don't think I will recover since I have this severe attachment trauma from my early childhood (and he knew this). An never before let any human being come closer because I was still in shock from the childhood stuff.

You don't deserve to be in agony.

Thank you but it seems like I do.... my life is pretty much a tragedy and no matter how hard I try I don't seem to get out of major problems and pain.

 

[INTJme]

I see and remember him everywhere, seems there's not a single object in my appartment that doesn't remind me of him

Associations... they hurt like a mf'er, don't they? Pardon my French but it's the same with me. Apparently everything reminds me of her too.

I honestly don't think I will recover since I have this severe attachment trauma from my early childhood (and he knew this).

Same here... it took me 8 years to get over my first love; never had a second date during that time because I just couldn't connect with anyone else. I just don't open up to people at all because I've always been misunderstood and hurt whenever I tried. So eventually when someone came along who accepted me for me and showed me hope, I gave love another chance, only to be left hanging.

my life is pretty much a tragedy and no matter how hard I try I don't seem to get out of major problems and pain.

I feel the same. Have childhood depression, felt suicidal since at least four years old and life gave me blow after blow every few years, this heartbreak being the latest one.

 

[Meteora]

Associations... they hurt like a mf'er, don't they? Pardon my French but it's the same with me. Apparently everything reminds me of her too.

Absolutely. For once I like my dissociation cause there are periods where I don't feel it at all.

Same here... it took me 8 years to get over my first love; never had a second date during that time because I just couldn't connect with anyone else. I just don't open up to people at all because I've always been misunderstood and hurt whenever I tried. So eventually when someone came along who accepted me for me and showed me hope, I gave love another chance, only to be left hanging.

That's so tough.... life is so cruel..... It took me 6 years to get over the relationship before him.

I feel the same. Have childhood depression, felt suicidal since at least four years old and life gave me blow after blow every few years, this heartbreak being the latest one.

That's so unfair......

 

[INTJme]

That's so unfair......

Well, life never promised to be fair... I didn't even get a fair start! Genetic depression combined with overbearing parents meant I was on a path to misery right from the get go.

But it's fine you see; when I take my life, I will have zero regrets because I lived by a strong moral compass, did nobody any harm and absolutely completely gave life and myself plenty of chances. Knowing that I'll ctb in about 3 weeks has ironically put me in the best mood I've had so far this year!

It took me 6 years to get over the relationship before him

It's conflicting isn't it? You feel you have so much to give to someone and also how you also need to be in a relationship to feel loved and accepted, only to suffer from years of loneliness trying to remove the trauma from being abandoned.

 

[Meteora]

Well, life never promised to be fair... I didn't even get a fair start! Genetic depression combined with overbearing parents meant I was on a path to misery right from the get go.

I think life should be fair.
At least I want to be fair. I wasn't akways. I also hurt others. But I think I didn't do it consciously when I hurt others. I just treated others the way I was treated and it took time to understand that that's not ok.
As I said, I have a severe attachment disorder. That's the biggest burden one can imagine.... so also a very, very bad start.

when I take my life, I will have zero regrets because I lived by a strong moral compass, did nobody any harm

Same. That s one thing that got my ex very angry. He always said that I think I m a saint. It provoked him that I have no regrets and don't feel guilty.

Knowing that I'll ctb in about 3 weeks has ironically put me in the best mood I've had so far this year!

I decided the same yesterday. I m definitly gonna end my life. Fist I ll try it with assisted suicide. Since that decision I feel freed.

It's conflicting isn't it? You feel you have so much to give to someone and also how you also need to be in a relationship to feel loved and accepted, only to suffer from years of loneliness trying to remove the trauma from being abandoned.

It surely is.

 

[Meteora]

@INTJme I even see my ex here, at times when someone posts something that reminds me of him I check if this person is new and if it might be him.... he knew that I m writing on SaSu.
I m so ridiculous, he s probably f*cking his new chick and hasn't thought of me for weeks....

 

[INTJme]

I have a severe attachment disorder.

I'm beginning to think I have one too... It's not normal to take 8 years to get over an ex and still not learn from the experience.

I decided the same yesterday. I m definitly gonna end my life.

It saddens me to hear this but I understand your pain and would be a hypocrite to try and persuade you to rethink. Glad that you feel free too after making the choice.

even see my ex here, at times when someone posts something that reminds me of him I check if this person is new and if it might be him.... he knew that I m writing on SaSu.

I do something similar in that I unconsciously try to find my ex in someone here. I'm a huge nerd about personality psychology and, unfortunately, I already found someone here who is exactly like my ex. This obsession is unhealthy and a sign that I do need to go for my own sake and before I start hurting those around me.

I m so ridiculous, he s probably f*cking his new chick and hasn't thought of me in four weeks....

My ex has blocked me from everywhere and I also, just like you, have intrusive thoughts that are only meant to hurt me. For me at least, it's just all very sad and unhealthy and needs to stop once and for all.

 

[Meteora]

I'm beginning to think I have one too... It's not normal to take 8 years to get over an ex and still not learn from the experience.

You might have it.

It saddens me to hear this but I understand your pain and would be a hypocrite to try and persuade you to rethink. Glad that you feel free too after making the choice.

Yeah I think I ve tried so much. And I ve been through a lot, I m already 45.How old are you? If you re young you might have some hope.

I do something similar in that I unconsciously try to find my ex in someone here. I'm a huge nerd about personality psychology and, unfortunately, I already found someone here who is exactly like my ex. This obsession is unhealthy and a sign that I do need to go for my own sake and before I start hurting those around me.

Hm I understand that. You mean you could become a stalker?

My ex has blocked me from everywhere and I also, just like you, have intrusive thoughts that are only meant to hurt me. For me at least, it's just all very sad and unhealthy and needs to stop once and for all.

Hm ok, but why did she walk away? Do you know the reason?

Yeah people with early childhood trauma are screwed.

 

[INTJme]

Yeah I think I ve tried so much. And I ve been through a lot, I m already 45.How old are you? If you re young you might have some hope.

I'm 31, so might sound young-ish to you but I'm exhausted, both physically and mentally. The sheer amount of work it takes to even maintain a semblance of sanity while also masking is unsustainable. And there's nothing new left for me to try and improve my mental health.

Hm I understand that. You mean you could become a stalker?

My conscience can never allow me to do such a thing but when I can't control my frustrations, I spew venom with my words on the people around me. Let's just say I can be the world's harshest critic.

Hm ok, but why did she walk away? Do you know the reason?

We had some persistent issues but nothing too big and which couple doesn't? She had always struggled with anxiety and simply put, she got cold feet. Did not help that she doesn't have any friends to talk some sense into her.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm sorry for all the emotions you experienced due to him. I wish there was more I could say but I'm speechless. Not many people can be trusted in this world and they just show that time and time again that this is indeed the case. I don't even know if anybody in society has any empathy anymore... or if they ever did to begin with

 

[slipkn0t]

My ex of three years left me last week and I think is in a similar position so I can relate.

Each day my heart hurts and I don't want to be here, its fucking hard to overcome being attached to someone for so long just to be betrayed.

 

[Meteora]

I can't control my frustrations, I spew venom with my words on the people around me. Let's just say I can be the world's harshest critic.

Ok, I relate. I can have a sharp tongue, too

She had always struggled with anxiety and simply put, she got cold feet. Did not help that she doesn't have any friends to talk some sense into her.

But if she got cold feet she didn't have to break up....

@ijustwishtodie thank you. It s really tough to trust

@slipkn0t I m so sorry ...

 

[INTJme]

But if she got cold feet she didn't have to break up....

Ummm... It was actually me who broke up when she called off the wedding. There's a lot of context here but in the interest of keeping this short, her calling off the wedding was the straw that broke the camel's back. That decision of hers put me in a really bad position on many levels. I don't even want to think about it again.

 

[sserafim]

Dunno what you think, but I imagine you should destroy him in your mind. And replace him with someone else. People in societies like ours under-value each other. So when someone actually values you, you thrive

Then he pulled it all away. Because it was partly a method of control. Like giving a thirsty person water

But you're better than this

"I imagine you should destroy him in your mind. And replace him with someone else."

How do you do that?

 

[tbroken]

Yeah people with early childhood trauma are screwed.

The best thing to do in this cases it is just to let go, leave, and build a new life. You cannot fix things, it takes so much time and you'll get even more frustrated if you don't fix them.
There are a lot of things in this world, don't stuck with the bad ones. I'm completely dissociated from my family, childhood and stuff. I'm not happy, but i'm not the saddest mf in the world, like i was with all these youth feelings and stuff.

 

[Meteora]

Ummm... It was actually me who broke up when she called off the wedding.

ok...... understandable in some ways....

In some ways I pity my ex because he doesn't know what real love is. I got hurt, yes, very much so. But I loved him from the bottom of my heart and he will never know what that feels like. If you replace someone like that.... you either did not love the person or you are cold in some other ways.... I mean, he must be emotionally very disturbed and I feel sorry for him. Because that is not gonna get better with other women.

Who knows. Maybe he felt disrespected somehow. Drives guys apeshit

Yeah he did. But I did not do it on purpose. I wanted him to feel good and strong and to thrive also. And he achieved so much during our 3.5 years. He went from being an alcoholic and smoking weed daily back to university. The fucked up part is that he doesn't celebrate his progress with me......... that hurts very badly.

Dunno what you think, but I imagine you should destroy him in your mind. And replace him with someone else. People in societies like ours under-value each other. So when someone actually values you, you thrive

I cannot just replace him. that would not be fair to another person and also not to myself. don't know.... besides I cannot trust anymore.

Then he pulled it all away. Because it was partly a method of control. Like giving a thirsty person water

Yes. It was a method of control maybe, you are right. But after he blames me that I am to dominant.... I mean, hello? First you water the plant and then you complain that it grew? Why do men do that?

 

[INTJme]

ok...... understandable in some ways....

I basically had to choose between suffering my entire life because there was no end to the pattern my ex kept repeating or ending it once and for all, despite how much I loved her.

I'd choose being suicidal and actually doing it over being suicidal and not having it as an option any day.

I got hurt, yes, very much so. But I loved him from the bottom of my heart and he will never know what that feels like.

While it doesn't change how much you're hurting, it is worth noting that he certainly doesn't deserve you or your love.

 

[Meteora]

The worst part is imagining him all happy now....

 

[INTJme]

The worst part is imagining him all happy now....

Do you really think a guy like him can ever truly be happy? We can all shoot heroine down our veins to force the feeling of happiness in our brain but are we truly happy and fulfilled? He is just coping and you should feel glad that he is out of your life, as much as it hurts because I know you gave it your all in the relationship and loved him dearly.

 

[Meteora]

Do you really think a guy like him can ever truly be happy? We can all shoot heroine down our veins to force the feeling of happiness in our brain but are we truly happy and fulfilled? He is just coping and you should feel glad that he is out of your life, as much as it hurts because I know you gave it your all in the relationship and loved him dearly.

You re right....

 

[SexyIncél]

He is just coping and you should feel glad that he is out of your life, as much as it hurts because I know you gave it your all in the relationship and loved him dearly.

100% true, in my experience! Such things can shatter parts of a man, knowing he fucked it up with a girl who really, really fucking tried. And chances are, he didn't learn his lesson. He has a new woman to mutilate

Society trains us to to keep our pain hidden

Yes. It was a method of control maybe, you are right. But after he blames me that I am to dominant.... I mean, hello? First you water the plant and then you complain that it grew? Why do men do that?

Because we're often foolish? Gruesomely fucking up all the time, if we can simply replace our partners at zero-cost

(Women too, of course. But that's offtopic. Just gotta say it, to not piss off my kind)

I cannot just replace him. that would not be fair to another person and also not to myself. don't know.... besides I cannot trust anymore.

Hard to play fair & win

But yeah, if you find a new guy, it's best to be as decent & respectful as he deserves

"I imagine you should destroy him in your mind. And replace him with someone else."

How do you do that?

As with anything: easy principle, hard application. Because you're attempting to implement principles in reality. Which has many clashing mechanisms at different levels

That's why it helps to not just leave advice, but struggle with the person as they solve subproblems

For example, at minimum, the OP must operate on these levels of reality:

• psychological: get your own dumb brain to do what it takes to even TRY digging yourself out the pit you supposedly don't wanna be in
• social: build those social bonds that carry the tantalizing hope of happiness
• spiritual: hey, how do you stand, regarding your connections to the rest of the universe (including other minds)?

And in practice, there's often physical & biological levels. Like putting on makeup (like a light-play illusionist) or reducing sugar (an addictive poison that makes your energy wonky)

Spoiler: First blathering draft you can ignore

Well, the conceptually easiest way is to simply find someone better

Anyway, here's one way us guys do it: we stop chasing beauty, and become beautiful ourselves. (You know, in a male way. Developing our intellectual/moral/physical virtues to enable us to be strong & daring)

You can't be the same person. After a retransformation, others look very different

Also, we experience other gals' beauty. We tend to like variety, and there's always gals beautiful in some different way. Their beauty sharpens the ugly in every ex. Who are, after all, just randos you pumped up huge in your mind

Re-transformations typically give us a different set of values. Developing ourselves (if we do it well) means people value us more. And having cultivated ourselves, our new set of values typically devalues that rando ex

Especially if we internalized charming parts of the ex, so we charm others similarly too! :P So who needs the ol' bozo?

There's suffering in this; men's lot in society is to suffer, in order to get shit done. Thus we "run to pain". Making sure to distinguish between sane pain & "omfg stop this" pain

Also, we learn how to "hold frame". People in life will try pulling us in their goofball directions. How strong is our core, that we resist the goofier pulls and only move to regions where we truly accomplish more? Tests our spine & integrity

Sometimes, the transformations are low-key tragic. Some of us end up becoming players — re-forming ourselves around an injury. Never allowing ourselves to enter the full depths of a gal, ever again. But still, they're onto something: be like a company where people come & go. Permanence is a hard illusion to approximate in this world

---

I don't know if women have anything so dramatic. The male lit typically just writes off as "alpha widows" like Jada Pinkett

Maybe you can just have a crush on someone you never expect to actually obtain. Like some celeb. The anthro lit mentions: "The fantasies themselves are the realization of desire." You're not supposed to resolve it by actually attaining the object

 

[Meteora]

Such things can shatter parts of a man, knowing he fucked it up with a girl who really, really fucking tried. And chances are, he didn't learn his lesson. He has a new woman to mutilate

I think he strains the truth telling himself I made all the mistakes and he was a good guy..... fucked up and painful. We both made mistakes and hurt eachother. But I never hurt him intentionally.

Society trains us to to keep our pain hidden

True unfortunately.

Because we're often foolish?

Hm yes.

Women too, of course. But that's offtopic. Just gotta say it, to not piss off my kind

Yes, women do the same, that's true. The sex doesn't matter in this cases.

Hard to play fair & win

Is it? Then I must be a complete fool.

 

[Meteora]

@slipkn0t how are you feeling about the break-up?

 

[ImGoingHome]

He changed his profil picture. A picture with him and her, he's on the horse, she has the horse on the string.
Why does it feel like he does it on purpuse to hurt me? It was me introducing him to horses, he knows that I love them. How can he be like that? I m so devastated. It feels like a invitation to finally kill myself. If not now, then when?
Why does the person I loved more than anything treat me this way? Yeah probably because I deserve it. Because I m worthless. I try to prove to myself that I m not. But it always comes down to this, I m not enough.

I can't really describe how I feel. Just completely broken. I know with time it gets better. But it took me about 6 years to get over the boyfriend before him and I went through so much darkness, depression and lonliness. I cannot do this anymore. I's impossibel. I love too much and yet it is not enough.
I should do myself the favour and end it.

That picture was intended to hurt you. Everything he did was tailor made to hurt you specifically. I'm not going to cbt solely because of my partner, it's just that his actions combined with other factors like my passing years (I'm not old but I'm not young either so no popping out anyone to love me), the fact I only end up dating abusers (& they've only been getting worse) & I have no family or friends makes the decision easy. It's the only rational response. A life without any hope of ever being loved by another isn't worth living.

You may decide that it's not worth it to continue living, but you are not worthless. You are the opposite of him, that is why he chose you.
He is worthless, he is not enough.

@Meteora I'm a new member so can't DM you, but my partner has a very similar complex mix of personality traits as your ex. Go no contact & feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more.

 

[Meteora]

That picture was intended to hurt you. Everything he did was tailor made to hurt you specifically. I'm not going to cbt solely because of my partner, it's just that his actions combined with other factors like my passing years (I'm not old but I'm not young either so no popping out anyone to love me).

You may decide that it's not worth it to continue living, but you are not worthless. You are the opposite of him, that is why he chose you.
He is worthless, he is not enough.

@Meteora I'm a new member so can't DM you, but my partner has a very similar complex mix of personality traits as your ex. Go no contact & feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more.

Yeah but why does he have to hurt me if he doesn t love me anymore and has someone new?

the fact I only end up dating abusers (& they've only been getting worse) & I have no family or friends makes the decision easy. It's the only rational response. A life without any hope of ever being loved by another isn't worth living

It s the exact same with me. No family and always guys who are abuser. Ok, there were two other men but the rest... addicts, abuser. I never had prejudices. Well that s a lie, too. But I guess I m open-minded.

I d love to write with you but you first need, I think, 30 or 50 posts before I can message you.
You could play some forum games :).

 

[ImGoingHome]

Yeah but why does he have to hurt me if he doesn t love me anymore and has someone new?

It s the exact same with me. No family and always guys who are abuser. Ok, there were two other men but the rest... addicts, abuser. I never had prejudices. Well that s a lie, too. But I guess I m open-minded.

I d love to write with you but you first need, I think, 30 or 50 posts before I can message you.
You could play some forum games :).

@Meteora not going to be around long enough to message, planning to cbt tomorrow. Think my partner finally realised I'm not living in misery anymore (I actually asked him to watch Misery with me, Kathy Bates was lovely other than the breaking legs bit, would have traded places with her patient in a heartbeat.) He may try to prevent me, in which case I would definitely try to update this thread (I'm not taking my phone or anything, if he rang I don't trust myself not to come back.) He checks more than enough boxes in the DSM to qualify as narcissistic & antisocial, and told me once-really quick & random so I barely caught it-that he was autistic. That's not a shocker, & I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum & have BPD so... he is in & out BTW, so keep
having to stop typing when he comes back. Also, it might be a bit disjointed as I'm writing in chunks.

Your attachment to him is called trauma bonding. Quora is a great resource for this sort of stuff.

He still has some attachment to you, he may even think it's love but it's not. It is difficult for someone that lacks empathy to love. They can use cognitive empathy to feign love, or if they are capable of feeling remorse. When mine felt bad after mistreating me he genuinely wanted to do things to make me feel better, and was great at anticipating my needs. That's a conscious decision someone makes to activate what comes naturally to you & me. I even said something at one point like, you know how if someone else is hurting you feel it too & he looked at me with a blank stare. He is completely blind to how anyone feels.

It's not their fault they lack that & I totally expected him to not notice stuff I needed. The problem was that he DID notice, and whatever I was most in desperate need of he would refuse to let me have. It started when I got the sniffles after moving in. I was in wet grass doing load after load of laundry. I begged him to let me have heat at night, nearly ended up in hospital with a horrific chest infection before I was allowed to use the fireplace while he went off to the pub (he broke the heater by then.) He knew I wanted love, & he had a wife before, so he told me we couldn't have a real marriage because he already got married in a church-& kept bringing up his wife & the wedding! I said it was real when 2 people comitted even on a beach, he said no that plus a priest & an alter makes it real. I was completely ready to cbt mentally then, but wasn't fit for anything but VSED & he surely wouldn't have allowed that. Literally nonstop, one thing after another. He would suffer just to hurt me. For instance, I was injured around Christmas & unable to do laundry. My warm clothes were dirty, and I asked him to wash them for me. He's hot & I'm cold, so need those to balance things out. He was sweating & suffering for well over a month. He mistreated past Valentines Day, & ended up throwing them & myself on a rural country road with no money for a cab at 9:30 at night, as he had put them in the wash the day before & I waited as long as possible to ask him to hang them up. I was on valium & codeine after my "motorcycle accident" on the 13th & he knew I couldn't carry anything either. I've tried leaving but the trauma bond brings me back. I can't live without him, & I have nothing else to live for.

We were perfect for each other in every way, & not just because of the narcissistic mirroring. He was the love of my life, but he isn't capable of loving anyone after his wife. She went out to eat, & to restaurants, & he says he didn't beat her. I have been in constant physical & emotional pain since freaking Halloween. CBT will be easy mentally tomorrow, but ealizing he never loved me, I was just a whore to use & abuse, while he was posting about how much he loved his wife on Facebook... (oh yeah, they're separated-she'd never go back to him though.)

 

[Meteora]

not going to be around long enough to message, planning to cbt tomorrow

He checks more than enough boxes in the DSM to qualify as narcissistic & antisocial, and told me once-really quick & random so I barely caught it-that he was autistic. That's not a shocker, & I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum & have BPD so... he is in & out BTW, so keep

Yeah sometimes the antisocial behaviour stems from autism, and the narcissistic, too. You both seem a explosive mixture just as me and my ex.

Your attachment to him is called trauma bonding. Quora is a great resource for this sort of stuff.

That is the word, thank you. When we started hanging out with eachother 4 years ago and more feelings evolved I thought to myself "Meteora, you cant do this, this is a repetition of what you ve already experienced so many times in your life". But I was very in need of a friend or partner so at some point I just gave up control and enjoyed the good parts. And there were also many unexpected nice things.

When mine felt bad after mistreating me he genuinely wanted to do things to make me feel better, and was great at anticipating my needs. That's a conscious decision someone makes to activate what comes naturally to you & me

Yes true, they apparently have to make a concious decision because they don't feel it naturally. My ex was desperate about the fact. It always seemd to me he wanted to be "normal". Which of course he never could but I somehow believed in his will for change. And he did change a lot, too.

It's not their fault they lack that & I totally expected him to not notice stuff I needed. The problem was that he DID notice, and whatever I was most in desperate need of he would refuse to let me have. It started when I got the sniffles after moving in. I was in wet grass doing load after load of laundry. I begged him to let me have heat at night, nearly ended up in hospital with a horrific chest infection before I was allowed to use the fireplace while he went off to the pub (he broke the heater by then.) He knew I wanted love, & he had a wife before, so he told me we couldn't have a real marriage because he already got married in a church-& kept bringing up his wife & the wedding! I said it was real when 2 people comitted even on a beach, he said no that plus a priest & an alter makes it real. I was completely ready to cbt mentally then, but wasn't fit for anything but VSED & he surely wouldn't have allowed that. Literally nonstop, one thing after another. He would suffer just to hurt me. For instance, I was injured around Christmas & unable to do laundry. My warm clothes were dirty, and I asked him to wash them for me. He's hot & I'm cold, so need those to balance things out. He was sweating & suffering for well over a month. He mistreated past Valentines Day, & ended up throwing them & myself on a rural country road with no money for a cab at 9:30 at night, as he had put them in the wash the day before & I waited as long as possible to ask him to hang them up. I was on valium & codeine after my "motorcycle accident" on the 13th & he knew I couldn't carry anything either. I've tried leaving but the trauma bond brings me back. I can't live without him, & I have nothing else to live for.

The part where he knows what you need and refuses it.... phew... that's very very tough. And also that he has this ex.-wife he loved more than anyone......... it s so painful what you re describing and.... I wished you d find the strenght to leave him because you deserve better...... but of course, I know perfectly how you feel......

It's sad to read that you are going to ctb....... however, I wish you a safe journey to the other side and may you rest in eternal peace.