Venting i relapsed again

[HowlingCoyote]

i was clean for 5 months. my ex from 2years ago came back into my life to be friends again. he started flirting with me and being sexual with me and telling me he loves me, then he tells me he doesnt love me as much as i love him, and he feels bad that i love him more than he does and he doesnt want a label or to commit to anything. he was the one ex i had i actually felt i had a true future with, he was so good to me, and i dont believe in soulmates but hes the closest ive been to one, and i broke down and cut myself again. i feel so stupid and pathetic. i dont think im ever going to find anyone who loves the way i do, who loves as hard as me, who gets as attached a si do. i dont understand why im like this. im going to die alone, i always scare people off bc i love too much

 

[projeccao]

my ex from 2years ago came back into my life to be friends again. he started flirting with me and being sexual with me

This alone doesn't sound right.

Why does he feels like not commitinng to anything with you since he loves you?

It's hard to respond to your post with the few informations that you gave

But whatever is happening, you don't deserve to harm yourself.

Love yourself more than anyone and see how it goes from there. Sometime people can't take the love they are given.

Take care of yourself.

 

[booplesnoot34]

Tbh I don't see anything wrong with cutting. People do way, way worse to themselves all the time. Everyone self-harms in some way: drugs, alcohol, overeating, sleep deprivation, stress… Perhaps if you stop seeing it as relapsing or failure, and instead just as your SH of choice at the moment, it wouldn't hurt you so much psychologically that you did it.