Story Survived my SN last June

[mr.smileysad]

Not so good, first month after discharge was fine, we went to therapy together and try to solve our issues. Soon after that, we stopped therapy because my wife was sick and tired of me whinging about my issues to the therapist and she felt like a bad person. Didn't want her to feel bad, I thought I was being transparent since I included my personality problems. Lately my family members just tell me I'm very normal, and that what I did was manipulative and wrong. They see me as a bad person, and I agree and accepted it. I started agreeing and accepting a lot of aspects of my life and how it came to this point, which reignited my will to die.

I feel as if my family wants me to live, to continue to be punished for my childhood, my past, and my attempts. Some went as far as to say that poisoning is for pussies and that a real man either uses a gun or burns himself. They believed I paid the nurses and staff to lie about my medical records and as I said above, my wife got banned from the ICU because she thought I was faking being in a coma and she tried to wake me up aggressively which pissed off the nurses.

I follow a mantra that makes my SI go away, "The more I prolong my existence, the more my family will suffer." No matter what actions I take, good or bad, I'm still seen as a bad person since my past defines who I am.

I fucking hate how people think there's a manly or unmanly to die. Why do people need to bring that into something like this

 

[wordsonscreen]

I fucking hate how people think there's a manly or unmanly to die. Why do people need to bring that into something like this

It is disgusting.

 

[Final Escape]

I didn't want to hijack AJ95's survival thread by posting my story there, but here's my account of it. I'm not great at writing stories, I try to be concise and succinct.

I known about SN as a great alternative to N, and that I had ordered it easily online. I left home and went to the park that day to watch the sunset and mull over what I'm about to do. I didn't eat anything at all for more than 18 hrs, maybe a few chips here and there. After watching the sunset, a bit of crying, a bit of justifying why I had to do it, I drove over to an abandoned bank building and parked behind it. Mulled over for about another 3 hrs until I decided to drink it. At the park I had premixed 25g of SN with half a bottle of water, shake it up, and then left it to sit in the truck until it was time to drink. So probably about 6 hrs. By then you couldn't tell if it was actually water or poison inside the bottle by looking at it, but you sure can smell it.

10 minutes go by after drinking and I thought, "Did I fuck up?" "Was this a dud?" I got out of my truck and just paced back and forth, walked around a bit for 5 minutes. Heart was starting to beat a bit faster, work harder, and I got back in the truck. Don't know what happened after that because I woke up in a hospital with machines and tubes connected to me. From getting inside the truck to waking up in a hospital 2 weeks later...like WTF happened?! Couldn't move at all, thought I was paralyzed. So this is what the doctor told me.

A security guard found me passed out in my truck after spotting me walking around a bit, thought I OD'd on some drugs. An ambulance called, took me to the hospital, they tried to wake me up, did the stick test in the mouth for gag reflex, rub their knuckles on my chest like they do for KO'd boxers, etc. I never vomited out the SN, and I didn't take any antacids or meto. My methemo level was 67%, my heart rate was 2BPM, and my blood was dark chocolate brown, almost black. They never had a case like this before and had to phone the CDC while pumping oxygen inside me. CDC told them it could sodium nitrite poisoning and administered methylene blue. Because time is running out, they injected an entire bag of methylene blue too quickly. My heart rate shot up from 2BPM to 190BPM in an instant, then coded (I see a cardiologist every month for an ECG check). They stuck a catheter tube in my dick because SN prevented me from my kidneys filtering things out into my bladder, and then my bladder won't empty. They also intubated me and put me in a coma, in the CCU (Critical Care Unit). It took 4 bags of methylene blue, they got the 2nd bag right by injecting it slowly while monitoring my heart rate.

I woke up from my coma during a arterial blood gas check, they stick a long needle in your wrist to withdraw artery blood to check. After waking up, I recovered pretty quickly, had to walk with a cane because I was in bed for 2 weeks straight. Went to the psych ward and spent a week there, I refused medication and preferred talk therapy. My wife was sad, but she visited me for a while until they banned her from the CCU after getting into an argument with my nurse. It was towards the end of June when I finally got out, I do have some side effects from my ordeal, mostly due to the administration of methylene blue causing heart damage, so I do have an irregular heart beat that I see a cardiologist for. My kidneys went back to normal luckily and don't need dialysis. I am extremely lucky to survive, they thought I would've never woken up and had a low survival chance.

So if you're wondering about SN? Yes SN works as it is intended to do, but it also helps to not be found within a timeframe of 12 hrs. I figure checking into a hotel and doing it a couple days before check out would suffice. There was no pain, no vomiting, I had fasted for 24+ hours, and I had no visions of the afterlife. Just switch turned off upstairs for awhile. I will do SN again in the future and this time I won't be found. My magic number is 25g. My hospital bill was $274000, but insurance took care of it all, and I had to pay $180 copay. Next time I won't fail.

Thanks for reading all, I'll try to answer any questions you may have.

Thank u so much for sharing your story. I'm planning to go soon but I think it helps to see your story so I can avoid failing. That's so crazy u were very close and because it was outside where u could be found and not hidden is the main reason u failed. Sorry u had to go through all that :( hugs

 

[Predestinated]

All suicide methods are unreliable, unsafe, and uncomfortable.

But it hurts when you drink it (?) And there are too many contradictions about the time it takes to die.

 

[Symbiote]

But it hurts when you drink it (?) And there are too many contradictions about the time it takes to die.

My experience so far as well as some others who have drunk and passed on describe it painless. It's the 70% chance of passing out painlessly or vomiting and retching after it kicks in. Luckily, I was one of those 70% that passed out painlessly.

 

[Lovestolearn]

Actually yes. SN loses its potency in water, so mixing it 6 hours before the bus is not a good idea

How long before should I mix it?

Actually yes. SN loses its potency in water, so mixing it 6 hours before the bus is not a good idea

Actually yes. SN loses its potency in water, so mixing it 6 hours before the bus is not a good idea

Whats the longest u can wait? I heard it takes a while sometimes to dissovle.

 

[feast or famine]

Curious how you're doing now? Did surviving change your perspective on anything (such as living vs. dying), or do you still plan to utilize this method in the future?

My apologies if you have already answered questions like this. I haven't read through all the replies. I also understand if these questions are too personal to answer.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Did you experience any pain in your body at all, after taking it? I have Meto and SN, though I am a bit concerned about the procedure as I do not want to be in pain on my way out personally. Also, you wife and family seem insufferable, no wonder you're exhausted from my perspective.

 

[nasblue]

Not so good, first month after discharge was fine, we went to therapy together and try to solve our issues. Soon after that, we stopped therapy because my wife was sick and tired of me whinging about my issues to the therapist and she felt like a bad person. Didn't want her to feel bad, I thought I was being transparent since I included my personality problems. Lately my family members just tell me I'm very normal, and that what I did was manipulative and wrong. They see me as a bad person, and I agree and accepted it. I started agreeing and accepting a lot of aspects of my life and how it came to this point, which reignited my will to die.

I feel as if my family wants me to live, to continue to be punished for my childhood, my past, and my attempts. Some went as far as to say that poisoning is for pussies and that a real man either uses a gun or burns himself. They believed I paid the nurses and staff to lie about my medical records and as I said above, my wife got banned from the ICU because she thought I was faking being in a coma and she tried to wake me up aggressively which pissed off the nurses.

I follow a mantra that makes my SI go away, "The more I prolong my existence, the more my family will suffer." No matter what actions I take, good or bad, I'm still seen as a bad person since my past defines who I am.

Your family sounds absolutely horrible and I hope your hypothetical suicide would hurt them but you never know with such emotionally stunted creatures.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Your family sounds absolutely horrible and I hope your hypothetical suicide would hurt them but you never know with such emotionally stunted creatures.

Most times families like that will use OP's death for pity or validation well after he is gone.

 

[kiki666]

12 hours is too long

 

[Symbiote]

Curious how you're doing now? Did surviving change your perspective on anything (such as living vs. dying), or do you still plan to utilize this method in the future?

My apologies if you have already answered questions like this. I haven't read through all the replies. I also understand if these questions are too personal to answer.

Knowing that it can kill me for sure and knowing that I have a method that works if given enough time, I started to recover afterwards and putting plans into place to live better, but if that fails I can just drink it again and be done with it.

 

[Defenestration]

12 hours is too long

What? Dont understand ...What 12 hours
Say again please :(

 

[Symbiote]

What? Dont understand ...What 12 hours
Say again please :(

12 hrs to ensure that you're fully dead. No chance of recovery, no chance of performing life-saving measures when they discover your body. That's why I'm doing the next one in a hotel room at night before bed time.

 

[Defenestration]

12 hrs to ensure that you're fully dead. No chance of recovery, no chance of performing life-saving measures when they discover your body. That's why I'm doing the next one in a hotel room at night before bed time.

And 8-10 hour?

 

[Symbiote]

And 8-10 hour?

I chose 12 for me, you might be able to do less, but point is, you just do not want to be found for half a day or more. That rules out doing SN at home or in a parking lot. Do it in a hotel or in the forest in the middle of nowhere.

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

Hi @Symbiote

Do you think there's a rational explanation behind the fact that you didn't take anti-nausea and not vomitting, while there're people who take meto and still vomit ?

Also, when you say you fasted for 24hrs, was it just food fasting or both food and water fasting ?

 

[Symbiote]

Hi @Symbiote

Do you think there's a rational explanation behind the fact that you didn't take anti-nausea and not vomitting, while there're people who take meto and still vomit ?

Also, when you say you fasted for 24hrs, was it just food fasting or both food and water fasting ?

Food fasting, no major meals, I had a tiny bag of chips that afternoon and a half bottle of water. I'm also the type of person that rarely vomits, since I've been in the hospital several times for food poisoning where I didn't vomit.

 

[articledon]

Thanks for sharing your experience, I received my SN a few days ago. Your post helps explain a lot

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

12 hrs to ensure that you're fully dead. No chance of recovery, no chance of performing life-saving measures when they discover your body. That's why I'm doing the next one in a hotel room at night before bed time.

what worries me is someone hearing my death rattling or gurgling noises, kicking down the doors, that is why I am purchasing the most expensive hotel room and be alone in a cabin or something

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I didn't want to hijack AJ95's survival thread by posting my story there, but here's my account of it. I'm not great at writing stories, I try to be concise and succinct.

I known about SN as a great alternative to N, and that I had ordered it easily online. I left home and went to the park that day to watch the sunset and mull over what I'm about to do. I didn't eat anything at all for more than 18 hrs, maybe a few chips here and there. After watching the sunset, a bit of crying, a bit of justifying why I had to do it, I drove over to an abandoned bank building and parked behind it. Mulled over for about another 3 hrs until I decided to drink it. At the park I had premixed 25g of SN with half a bottle of water, shake it up, and then left it to sit in the truck until it was time to drink. So probably about 6 hrs. By then you couldn't tell if it was actually water or poison inside the bottle by looking at it, but you sure can smell it.

10 minutes go by after drinking and I thought, "Did I fuck up?" "Was this a dud?" I got out of my truck and just paced back and forth, walked around a bit for 5 minutes. Heart was starting to beat a bit faster, work harder, and I got back in the truck. Don't know what happened after that because I woke up in a hospital with machines and tubes connected to me. From getting inside the truck to waking up in a hospital 2 weeks later...like WTF happened?! Couldn't move at all, thought I was paralyzed. So this is what the doctor told me.

A security guard found me passed out in my truck after spotting me walking around a bit, thought I OD'd on some drugs. An ambulance called, took me to the hospital, they tried to wake me up, did the stick test in the mouth for gag reflex, rub their knuckles on my chest like they do for KO'd boxers, etc. I never vomited out the SN, and I didn't take any antacids or meto. My methemo level was 67%, my heart rate was 2BPM, and my blood was dark chocolate brown, almost black. They never had a case like this before and had to phone the CDC while pumping oxygen inside me. CDC told them it could sodium nitrite poisoning and administered methylene blue. Because time is running out, they injected an entire bag of methylene blue too quickly. My heart rate shot up from 2BPM to 190BPM in an instant, then coded (I see a cardiologist every month for an ECG check). They stuck a catheter tube in my dick because SN prevented me from my kidneys filtering things out into my bladder, and then my bladder won't empty. They also intubated me and put me in a coma, in the CCU (Critical Care Unit). It took 4 bags of methylene blue, they got the 2nd bag right by injecting it slowly while monitoring my heart rate.

I woke up from my coma during a arterial blood gas check, they stick a long needle in your wrist to withdraw artery blood to check. After waking up, I recovered pretty quickly, had to walk with a cane because I was in bed for 2 weeks straight. Went to the psych ward and spent a week there, I refused medication and preferred talk therapy. My wife was sad, but she visited me for a while until they banned her from the CCU after getting into an argument with my nurse. It was towards the end of June when I finally got out, I do have some side effects from my ordeal, mostly due to the administration of methylene blue causing heart damage, so I do have an irregular heart beat that I see a cardiologist for. My kidneys went back to normal luckily and don't need dialysis. I am extremely lucky to survive, they thought I would've never woken up and had a low survival chance.

So if you're wondering about SN? Yes SN works as it is intended to do, but it also helps to not be found within a timeframe of 12 hrs. I figure checking into a hotel and doing it a couple days before check out would suffice. There was no pain, no vomiting, I had fasted for 24+ hours, and I had no visions of the afterlife. Just switch turned off upstairs for awhile. I will do SN again in the future and this time I won't be found. My magic number is 25g. My hospital bill was $274000, but insurance took care of it all, and I had to pay $180 copay. Next time I won't fail.

Thanks for reading all, I'll try to answer any questions you may have.

Fucking amazing.

Thank you for sharing (and now I know what SN is!)

Good luck on your next attempt ... I hope it's majestic, and you find what you are searching for .

 

[bad luck]

The hotel seems like the best option. choose a soundproof one (there are) and perish there. Nature sounds good, but if they find you and transport you by helicopter or something, guess who pays the bill. In my opinion and it is quite difficult it is SN + to be able to throw myself to the high seas. My body would not appear therefore, there are no expenses for the family.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Just saw this for the first time and it is comforting to know that there are people who go peaceful via this method. I guess it all depends on your physiology and current health conditions, but the effects seem to vary.

 

[madebrief]

Amazing story, comforting to know SN works peacefully for some

 

[makethepainstop]

I didn't want to hijack AJ95's survival thread by posting my story there, but here's my account of it. I'm not great at writing stories, I try to be concise and succinct.

I known about SN as a great alternative to N, and that I had ordered it easily online. I left home and went to the park that day to watch the sunset and mull over what I'm about to do. I didn't eat anything at all for more than 18 hrs, maybe a few chips here and there. After watching the sunset, a bit of crying, a bit of justifying why I had to do it, I drove over to an abandoned bank building and parked behind it. Mulled over for about another 3 hrs until I decided to drink it. At the park I had premixed 25g of SN with half a bottle of water, shake it up, and then left it to sit in the truck until it was time to drink. So probably about 6 hrs. By then you couldn't tell if it was actually water or poison inside the bottle by looking at it, but you sure can smell it.

10 minutes go by after drinking and I thought, "Did I fuck up?" "Was this a dud?" I got out of my truck and just paced back and forth, walked around a bit for 5 minutes. Heart was starting to beat a bit faster, work harder, and I got back in the truck. Don't know what happened after that because I woke up in a hospital with machines and tubes connected to me. From getting inside the truck to waking up in a hospital 2 weeks later...like WTF happened?! Couldn't move at all, thought I was paralyzed. So this is what the doctor told me.

A security guard found me passed out in my truck after spotting me walking around a bit, thought I OD'd on some drugs. An ambulance called, took me to the hospital, they tried to wake me up, did the stick test in the mouth for gag reflex, rub their knuckles on my chest like they do for KO'd boxers, etc. I never vomited out the SN, and I didn't take any antacids or meto. My methemo level was 67%, my heart rate was 2BPM, and my blood was dark chocolate brown, almost black. They never had a case like this before and had to phone the CDC while pumping oxygen inside me. CDC told them it could sodium nitrite poisoning and administered methylene blue. Because time is running out, they injected an entire bag of methylene blue too quickly. My heart rate shot up from 2BPM to 190BPM in an instant, then coded (I see a cardiologist every month for an ECG check). They stuck a catheter tube in my dick because SN prevented me from my kidneys filtering things out into my bladder, and then my bladder won't empty. They also intubated me and put me in a coma, in the CCU (Critical Care Unit). It took 4 bags of methylene blue, they got the 2nd bag right by injecting it slowly while monitoring my heart rate.

I woke up from my coma during a arterial blood gas check, they stick a long needle in your wrist to withdraw artery blood to check. After waking up, I recovered pretty quickly, had to walk with a cane because I was in bed for 2 weeks straight. Went to the psych ward and spent a week there, I refused medication and preferred talk therapy. My wife was sad, but she visited me for a while until they banned her from the CCU after getting into an argument with my nurse. It was towards the end of June when I finally got out, I do have some side effects from my ordeal, mostly due to the administration of methylene blue causing heart damage, so I do have an irregular heart beat that I see a cardiologist for. My kidneys went back to normal luckily and don't need dialysis. I am extremely lucky to survive, they thought I would've never woken up and had a low survival chance.

So if you're wondering about SN? Yes SN works as it is intended to do, but it also helps to not be found within a timeframe of 12 hrs. I figure checking into a hotel and doing it a couple days before check out would suffice. There was no pain, no vomiting, I had fasted for 24+ hours, and I had no visions of the afterlife. Just switch turned off upstairs for awhile. I will do SN again in the future and this time I won't be found. My magic number is 25g. My hospital bill was $274000, but insurance took care of it all, and I had to pay $180 copay. Next time I won't fail.

Thanks for reading all, I'll try to answer any questions you may have.

Thanks from those of us who chose this ticket to ctb. Love you you.

 

[SolomonKado]

I am so glad that you were successful up to the part you were found. Doctors really wanted to make you alive again no matter what.

Your family..I'm sorry. You've been through a lot and they should be a lot more supportive. Doesn't even sound like they are worried you might do it again.

I hope whatever path you choose in life you're able to find peace. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

 

[Orbitc]

The fuckup with the antidote gives me hope. Pretty sure the mentally defective 'doctors' here will take hours googling it anyway before they can do anything. They won't have a clue.

Hehe, they might sit aroung me and sing mantras, do a japanese tea service or belly dance and I swear I wouln't be surprised

I know pharmacology well and sometimes I am surprised at how stupid and ignorant doctors can be. None of the rheumatologists I met knew what monoclonal autoantibodies were! I will have more chances to die in my country if I call an ambulance))) the last time I had an accident, they pierced a vein in my arm without removing the tourniquet and as a result I had a huge bruise on my arm.

 

[AJwantsToGo]

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope this didn't lower your quality of life even more, medically speaking.
All the love,
Xxx AJ.

 

[Orbitc]

Not so good, first month after discharge was fine, we went to therapy together and try to solve our issues. Soon after that, we stopped therapy because my wife was sick and tired of me whinging about my issues to the therapist and she felt like a bad person. Didn't want her to feel bad, I thought I was being transparent since I included my personality problems. Lately my family members just tell me I'm very normal, and that what I did was manipulative and wrong. They see me as a bad person, and I agree and accepted it. I started agreeing and accepting a lot of aspects of my life and how it came to this point, which reignited my will to die.

I feel as if my family wants me to live, to continue to be punished for my childhood, my past, and my attempts. Some went as far as to say that poisoning is for pussies and that a real man either uses a gun or burns himself. They believed I paid the nurses and staff to lie about my medical records and as I said above, my wife got banned from the ICU because she thought I was faking being in a coma and she tried to wake me up aggressively which pissed off the nurses.

I follow a mantra that makes my SI go away, "The more I prolong my existence, the more my family will suffer." No matter what actions I take, good or bad, I'm still seen as a bad person since my past defines who I am.

I don't think you should even think about your family because they are cruel people. You should divorce such a wife. When you don't see these people, your life may change.