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willitpass
Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
- Mar 10, 2020
- 2,061
Not much new. Still smells awful. Some days it looks nasty other days it looks just fine. I've been changing up when I put in it so much body doesn't develop and immunity. I haven't cleaned the blade since I started this and there is visible bacteria growing on it.
I've been overdosing on a different pain med than a few months ago while also dehydrating and have given myself some sort of esophageal/gastric irritation from it that's pretty bad. It is extremely painful to eat anything, the pain radiates from my chest to my back and arms. Not helped by the fact that I'm seeking out acidic foods to try and worsen whatever irritation/ulcer/mild bleed I have going. I think I may have a mild GI bleed and have been working to actively worsen it so that maybe I can cause a bad enough bleed to do some damage. If I bleed enough internally it'll lower my body's ability to fight off an infection so it would be a double whammy.
Not sure when or if it will kill me, but my self harm addiction and self loathing personality is happy to keep going indefinitely, so I'm in it for the long haul.
I've been overdosing on a different pain med than a few months ago while also dehydrating and have given myself some sort of esophageal/gastric irritation from it that's pretty bad. It is extremely painful to eat anything, the pain radiates from my chest to my back and arms. Not helped by the fact that I'm seeking out acidic foods to try and worsen whatever irritation/ulcer/mild bleed I have going. I think I may have a mild GI bleed and have been working to actively worsen it so that maybe I can cause a bad enough bleed to do some damage. If I bleed enough internally it'll lower my body's ability to fight off an infection so it would be a double whammy.
Not sure when or if it will kill me, but my self harm addiction and self loathing personality is happy to keep going indefinitely, so I'm in it for the long haul.