Games spam thread 3 (post whatever you want thread)

[N-methylamphetamine]

why couldn't I save you?

 

[crayonscrayons]

not my art but the picture is nice

 

[Acidic_Fries]

"Reality is for people who are afraid of facing drugs" - Some guy on YouTube

 

[noname223]

I wonder how many frequent readers my posts on SaSu might have. I think it ranges between maybe 5-20 frequent readers. But it also depends on how you define "frequent readers".
I think from time to time readers are the majority. And most clicks from my threads are bots and spiders. I wonder if I posted on Substack whether I could find followers for that new platform on here. My threads usually have roundabout 150 views. Though, one should not underestimate when times passes they accumulate more and more views.

 

[Lamentice]

I started retinol last night; trying to finally get rid of my acne. This is my final at home attempt to clear my skin or I might go to a doctor, but still don't have any health insurance, so we'll see. Dreading the purge, but really hoping I'll have clear skin in like 4 months, for the first time in like 12 years.

Wish me luck!

 

[hiiiii]

my family finally moved out of a house with a really bad mold and sewage problem. we've been in this new house for almost two weeks and i feel so much relief physically and mentally. i can think clearly and i'm a lot less angry and reactive. i am still suicidal but not like VIOLENTLY in the way that i was before. like i could die... or not. not happy but also not daydreaming about death by ratchet strap!


i am also really hoping to leave this current house soon and move to a completely different city on my own, but i am trying to be more grateful and enjoy not really having to pay for anything.

 

[noname223]

Holy shit I just threw up....Not sure why.

I played Kirby Air Raider with a friend online. On my Swtich 2 in handheld mode.
And I became more and more sick to my stomach. Then I threw up. It wasn't extreme but it is very rare that I throw up as an adult. I think my mental health medication functions as antiemetic.

At the evening I usually take my antipsychotic. It would be really really really bad if I threw up shortly afterwards. I notice a large negative impact on my mental health when I accidentally take a lower dosage of 20 mg a day. I am very very sensitive when it comes to these medication. And I need to take a dosage of 140 mg at the evening. And with antipsychotics taking too much is also dangerous. If I threw up my antipsychotics I would be in hell of a trouble. I wouldn't really know what to do....I could become really psychotic and paranoid. I will wait a little bit longer until my stomach calms down.

I will take a break of posting for today. I really hope I won't throw. I am not feeling well. And I am very anxious.

 

[noname223]

Happy 65.001st member Sanctioned Suicide

 

[noname223]

Sometimes I am even surprised by myself how I have all these ideas for new threads. I think my loneliness increases my creativity.

 

[noname223]

Intensive self-help group evening today. Full story tomorrow.

And something maybe insane just happened. It is not confirmed. I use a local app for dating. With anonymous posts.
I have the feeling the woman I had a very strong crush on and that ghosted me just texted me. There are some indicators she could be it. But if she notices my writing she will most likely ghost me again. But I have to emphasite nothing confirmed yet.

 

[Minfilia]

heard scary sounds from my laundry machine i hope it didnt break

 

[noname223]

Tomorrow appointment with my psychiatrist. I am anxious I felt really bad the last 3 months. I am scared my former therapist might called her. I hope not.
Not sure how to communicate with her about this issue. I wish I could tell her how much this burdens me. But she is torn between both sides. The therapeutic abuse did a lot of damage to me.

So much horrible things happened within the last 3 months. I did research how to kill myself again. The most horrible time period was. Mid May-Mid June. I am surprised I didn't have to go to another clinic. But I don't trust the psychiatry anymore. I was ghosted in May and it was really really rough. I like her so much. I think the thing that eased the extreme pain. It was a slow process. And with every day passing I realized this is ghosting. If she told to me straightup it could have made me acute suicidal. But I don't have lethal substances at home. Then the risky heart operation of the boyfriend of my mom. My dad having to go to a clinic again. (He doesn't call me anymore. We don't have any contact which is really weird. I think he goes through a lot. This is the problem that wasn't solved at all. Just postponed.) And we might have financial problems because of that.

I started to cope by excessive usage of chatGPT. I think partly a toxic coping mechanism and I am aware of that. But it brought me some hope. Through the help of chatGPT I was encouraged to go to another self-help group. The chatbot made it a lot easier to find/contact self-help groups in my area. The first one was okay but the old ladies were way too old. And it doesn't really fit to my conditions. Yesterday I was at another autism self-help group. And it was really really good. I have the feeling I found a new home. I am scared I could be betrayed or experience abuse once again. But for now it felt really really good. I am a little bit hypomanic today. The group yesterday was very very exciting. The group meets a little bit too late. I am repeting the social interactions of yesterday again and again. And I could finally talk to someone again about the things I learned within the last months. And I could talk about the abuse by my therapist. There were some doubts but the feedback was mostly empathetic. Maybe I made some mistakes by how telling the story. But I can fully understand that if they meet someone with my conditions they don't take anything they say with a grain of salt.

 

[noname223]

I think my psychiatrist realizes that my situation is quite a predicament.
A suicdal patient in a lot of pain with the condition psychosis experiences betrayal of a therapist and literally everyone in the healtj system is backing her.
I think most people are not aware what this means to me. I told her I lost a lot o trust in the medical health system. And well she is smart enough to realize this is pretty bad for someone with my condition. Maybe even lethal. I almost killed myself 2024. And I think going to a clinic/the police was the only thing that was able to stop me from killing myself. And well if I don't trust the system enough to speak about my suicidal thoughts. However, this might be a lot of projection. Because I wish she would realize that. I think she understands it is a big issue for a patient like me. But I think she isn't aware how serious my suicidality actually is. I think it is a matter of time. For my parents I try to postpone it. So my grandma doesn't have to experience. Now are only my parents left. And then finally I am able to kill myself.

 

[SweetChariot]

God i wish i can sleep when i'm sleepy instead of being in a weird limbo for hours until i conk out
Some people can just sleep on command how the fuck do they do that

 

[dandayooo]

I steal a few breaths
From the world for a minute
And then I'll be nothing forever
And all of my memories
And all of the things I have seen
Will be gone
With my eyes with my body with me

 

[noname223]

Always when I am writing about paranoia I become so paranoid that I end up deleting the thread. And this is what happened to my paranoia thread from yesterday

 

[noname223]

I feel so fucking horrible. A lot probably stems from overthinking. But I am sick and tired of everything. Scared of the next self-help group meeting this evening. I probably leave earlier.

 

[noname223]

I am working on an essay in my native language. I wiil use an AI chatbot for the English translation. The essay might be too lengthy. I am not sure whether I be done today. But I would be curious for feedback.

 

[Always-in-trouble]

My brain should be burned into nothingness. I hate being flawed

 

[N-methylamphetamine]

to embers, to ashes

 

[Always-in-trouble]

to embers, to ashes

For someone reason, this reminded me of a character from Unicorn Overlord for some reason (Nigel)

 

[noname223]

I wonder how susceptible I am for AI psychosis. I was pretty paranoid two weeks ago. And prior to that day I did a very long psychoanalysis session with chatGPT. However, I think psychoanalysis can be dangerous for psychosis patient in general.

I don't treat the chatbot like a friend and I don't think that it is sentient. However, I think the AI chatbots sort of have an agenda. Not because they were conscious but they are based on training material and they adapt to your input and want to please. Lol. I think thinking too much about all of that is unhealthy. Lol.

The bigger issue still seems to be the night guard. I feel way worse since I wear it. Currently only half a night but this is enough to destabilize me (significantly). And I don't really have a solution for that.

 

[lastappleonearth]

Ugliest house in my neighbourhood

 

[Spite]

"CAY-LOO. HOW DARE YOU SWEAR AT YOUR FATHER. THAT'S IT. YOU'RE GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED FOR 8.75 TRILLION DECADES. GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW AND DON'T EVER COME OUT."

*MRI sounds play as Caillou slides off-screen*

 

[noname223]

Had a nice day with a friend of mine. I walked a lot today. Not sure whether I will find the time for posting. It is the college friends who lives not far away from me. I think this was very good for me mentally. But I am not sure whether in the evening it always becomes worse. And my dad is in a real predicament and I am not a big help. I tried to give him advices though.

 

[Fadenself00_]

️️️

 

[ceelobling]

I watched a true crime video about 4 women who went missing and the twist was that they never existed. It was one woman who faked multiple identities. I was like wtf I didn't see that twist coming.

 

[noname223]

I consider to post a thread about "Your biggest mental or intellectual challenge?"

I am not sure what the answer would be in my case. Probably seeing through all my cognitive biases while being sort of psychotic. But actually something else made me think about it.

When I had my final exams in school I was in a hypomanic episode. I was extremely energetic and it increased my performance level. I wrote a roughly 30 page long essay. A comparison between two books we had to read in school. I received 14 points for it. 15 points would have been sort of better than perfect. 14 points is 1,0 or 6,0 depending on the marking system.

Honestly, I could not imagine repeating this number of pages. One friend wrote like 20-25 pages. We had like 6 hours (?) for our final exam. There were people who handed in essays that were 6 pages long and they only used 2-3 hours of time.

It was a lot of fun for me my German classes. I really loved the two books I compared. I talked with some women on dates about these books. Even years afterwards and they told me how much they despised them and how toxic the literature was. Lol. The autistic liberal woman told me that.

 

[MementoMori333]

Have a picture of my cat. Cat pics make everything better

 

[Always-in-trouble]

"CAY-LOO. HOW DARE YOU SWEAR AT YOUR FATHER. THAT'S IT. YOU'RE GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED FOR 8.75 TRILLION DECADES. GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW AND DON'T EVER COME OUT."

*MRI sounds play as Caillou slides off-screen*

Those dumb as fuck grounded videos lmao. They all just kept on getting more absurd