Games spam thread 3 (post whatever you want thread)

[noname223]

I have many ideas for threads. I could post some more but I try to stop me. I think these are hypomanic symptoms. Maybe due to wearing the night guard.

Honestly, it is pretty hard to tell how hypomanic I am. Since the abuse from my therapist happened I struggle to open up. And I keep more to myself in front of other people. But only by verbalizing my thoughts am I able to tell how fast they are. The wall of texts on here are concerning. It is very new to be to keep my suffering a secret in front of many people close to me. And I think it isn't good for my mental health. I also struggle to open up towards my psychiatrist about it.

 

[noname223]

I gave chatGPT a list with my favorite public intellectuals. And it recommended me to read Mark Fisher. It was the number one recommendation.

I can remember someone on here suggested me to read him. I did some research today. And Mark Fisher committed suicide. I watched one Youtube video from him about depression. I will look where it will lead me...

 

[lastappleonearth]

i think i'll get into making collages, it's pretty fun
art is pretty fun if i do say so myself, you get to have a finished product. It's not just bouncing around in your head.
sooo
here are my stats for song listens
View attachment 171897

I really like the song invisible by duran duran.
because it's real.

I also rlly like it

 

[N@te]

why eyes are dry for some reason and its kinda annoying

 

[maggineko]

Cigret...gimme a cigretttttgggggg gimme gimme i really want to try clas mild latte...gimme gimme!!!!!!!! #notaddicted #canquitanytime

 

[maggineko]

Imaginary boyfriend's bday tmr everyone say happy bday

 

[makotoyuki]

¿alguien que le guste Persona 3 o nana?
Is there anyone who likes Persona 3 or Nana?

 

[lastappleonearth]

St.Petersburg:

 

[noname223]

Cannot stop thinking what my former therapist did to me and that the institution behind her backed her. I read all the evidence again and the reply of that organization is so cheeky. But I think if I killed myself over this these people would not care. As the person on the Phone. He would probably mock me. He did that when I became emotionally hurt in our conversation. I really don't know how to move on. This isn't the first time a therapy experience hurt me. But I didn't expect it could go even lower. I really don't know what to do. All of this makes my blood boil and I feel so much worse. Anger is a very unusual emotion for me. But recently I am more passive-aggressive. I also hate my family for bringing me into this situation. Being such a vulnerable person can be exploited easily. Maybe I should learn as a lesson not to trust people. And I already cut off some toxic people as a lesson. I wish something positive would come out of all of this. But thus far it made everything worse. I feel so powerless over this institutional betray and I am sickened of these people.

 

[noname223]

I want more SPAM in here.

 

[noname223]

Insane self-help group evening. Drama, drama, drama baby! But gladly unrelated to me. Not sure whether I will elaborate on it soon. But I will give some gems. I was anxious I might been uncomfortable for others the last time. I was sort of paranoid. But holy cow. This was crazy by some others today.
Open gossip about members who were not there in the group. Ranking of women in the group who was sexually attractive or not. A member who makes other people uncomfortable starred at another member. The latter member accused the aforementioned member of "gaze fucking". The guy who makes others uncomfortable seemingly made some people quit the group in the past. A woman was out called for gossip about members in the group. She wasn't present though. Later she joined the meeting and an argument started. It felt sort of surreal what happened. And that the organizer didn't intervene.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

skibidi


im not allowed to say skibidi anymore
it's old speak now

 

[explosiveKai99]

I just woke up to ruckus being made by my family. I don't mind, because there were so many times I was alone for prolonged periods of time and it started getting to me. Actually my brain started to get pickled then. Nowadays I'm happy that something is going on.

Anyway, the very first thing I did was checking the forum. A sign of social illness, lack of belonging, prolonged exposition to the world

I was thinking about creating a thread for briefly describing what's going on, so it kinda seems like we know each other; but there is this thread, and I don't like clutter, so here we are.

I am very afraid of living all the way to fall and winter. Last winter we burned so much firewood. Winter was extreme also mentally. My dog died on Christmas after eleven years together, I think. I had last remnants of relationships. This winter would be only cold, other things are already dead. It's late summer so I shouldn't think about that. But I remember I got through it by the skin of my teeth.

 

[noname223]

6 guests, 1 member in this thread.

My psyche is sometimes a conundrum to me. I cannot stop worrying about something even if it is so irrational. I imagine taking SN in an attempt to kill myself (at an unknown time point in my life) but I fear what would happen to my already damaged dental enamel if my vomit stayed for a long time of unconsciousness in my mouth. I think this would probably be horrible for my tooth enamel. Maybe I have too much an unhealthy fixation on my dentist. But I would not know how to explain this teeth predicament to my dentist if this scenario became true. I would imagine it pretty awkward having to talk about it and staying calm. But this is all pretty unrealistic. I had way bigger problems than my dental enamel if I survived such a suicide attempt. These thoughts make me think maybe a survived suicide attempt would make my life even worse. But I only think like that when I am not in extreme pain. In extreme pain you just want to make this pain end. I wonder and fear the worst is yet to come in my life... the walls are closing in...

 

[lastappleonearth]

 

[noname223]

Hiatus day was pretty pretty fine thus far.
I stopped using dating apps because I got literally 0 likes the last weeks. But it seems like the following also happened in the past to me. After a lot of swiping when you reduce it to zero and then you travel to a different region your profile is shown more often. I feel like it is like a pity like. For people as desperate as me to give them some hope so that they keep engaged.
Actually, I am now texting with two women since today. It is very stressful and I use AI feedback in order to avoid becoming paranoid. When I texted I experienced a lot of paranoia without getting feedback. And my friends were overburdended when asked them too often. But I have to say chatGPT really keeps me on track. And personally it works for me far better than Claude. I think chatGPT is better trained to deal with low key always paranoid users like me.

There is one woman with whom I text where I am quite sure we don't fit. The second woman is preyy interesting though. But the distance between us quite large. Not sure how to describe that on here. But she often travels to my region. I think the distance between us could kill it. When the vibe was very good I asked her for a date (sort of or meet-up) and I think she appreciated that a lot. She agreed and complimented me.
I tend to think people on here like "the Duck" (@Angst Filled Fuck Up) who recommended me less texting more real life Meeting were right. And I think this advice is Gold. Otherwise you are perceived as someone who is only into texting without becoming serious.

She hates status oriented people. And feels more comfortable being around people like me. She gäbe me some compliments we also already teased each other a bit. Honestly, all of this is not really indicative whether this connection will last long. It is good for my self-confidence. Even though my friends teased me for always having my phone as my highest priority.

I am somewhat anxious I could become paranoid when texting her. I try to postpone it as long as possible. ChatGPT is pretty good in preventing me to become too paranoid. I stay over night at the house of my friend. This will usually make my sleep worse. But I try to remain relaxed.

I try not get my hopes too high up. The chemistry is writing and humor is (very) good. But will it be enough to bridge the geographical distance?

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

the french...

 

[lastappleonearth]

the french...

View attachment IMG_8121.webp

 

[noname223]

Exhausted. Wasn't able to catch up to all the articles that I still need to read. Way too much overthinking about the woman I am texting with. One of my closest friend wanted to play video Games with me and we were in a call for 4-5 hours. He is pretty sad that a close friend leaves the country. I am sad but not closely as sad as him. Honestly, it is his own wish to leave the country. The friend that leaves the country is my third closest friend. But He was overwhelmed by my depression and suicidality. We never told him about my almost attempt. Maybe I am slightly hurt that He had to distance himself. And honestly my issues feel so existential and frightening to me. And there is no upper side about it. He instead no one forces him to leave. He can return if he wants. Maybe I am too deterministic but I cannot really imagine he will become happy in Japan. For various reasons. But we will see...

I will probably take emergency medication tonight once again.