SODIUM nitrite, a powerful method, my Traumatic experience

[HorribleFeelings1]

It is currently Wednesday 2nd, August 2020, I am in the hospital. Let me tell you my experience with SN. The night of august 2nd, I was taking shots of SN dealing with my depression. I was in the chit chat with some fellow SS users. I was at my lowest, I wanted to die on the spot. Everyone was asleep and I was alone downstairs. My plan was to die Thursday night instead, but I just became super impulsive and take shots, I wasn't trying to die but I was trying to suffer as much as possible. I would just pour some water and pinches or SN into the cup and mix it and drink it. First symptom was stomach ache, felt like a tummy ache at first, second came light head and fatigue, I was starting to become weaker and light headed. Third came ringing in ears. I continued to pour more shots of SN, not realizing I was pouring up to over 20 ML, around 30-50 ML of SN. I didn't realize, I was pouring very small doses of SN. Everything got hard to do and I was getting way to tired so I went upstairs to my room and went to bed thinking that the pain will go away in the morning.

Then I wake up, my vision dark, a light appears and fills my eyesight, seeing nothing but my room completely blurry, I hear whispers that turns into talking. I heard beeping and machines. My vision fills in to see myself grasping for air, Paramedics everywhere, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak,I was left there trying to survive, only being able to speak inside my head. All I could say is "why,this can not be happening". All I could do was grasp more and more air, I tried to fight but I ended up passing out.

August 3rd:
I'm currently going home, found out my family heard me choking in my own vomit while I was asleep, my brother grabs me yelling my name, he told me all he could see is me trying to survive, my eyes staring at him...blinking... but I don't recall a single thing. The paramedics brought me to the ICU, i was still weak and powerless in the bed, it hurt to move. I looked at my nails and arms, I was completely blue. I spent one day and a couple hours In the hospital recovering, they kept injecting salt water in me to flush my blood, gave me what basically is the cure for SN, forgot the name. In the hospital, I talked to my family over the phone and other people, all I can think of is their traumatic experience I gave them that I don't even remember. With the shots of SN I took, it took about 1-2 hours for the SN to do its job.

I'm torn apart, broken and make of dust. I'm nothing but a vessel, I don't want to live. Death is my only escape from this world I live in, hope this helps, wish the best for all of you

 

[braketimez]

Sounds fucking traumatic, man. I'm glad you're recovering now, but I know it must be bittersweet to recover if you still want to die. Sending peace your way.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Clickbait title.

Story of self-harm and consequences.

Not feeling helped by it, or like this was shared with intentions of the best for me. I feel like I just got flashed.

I'm sure some will say I'm being judgmental and a jerk, don't care.

 

[LastRide]

Oh this sounds horrible...I feel so sorry for you ! But at least your terrible experience will hopefully open our minds as to what is the way to NOT go about ctb....you need to be prepared to go all the way and stick to the exact dosage and method execution so well described here on SS. If you're just "experimenting" with a method, it's bound to go wrong and you end up being more miserable afterwards than you were ever before. Please do not take this as a criticism of your actions, I would never allow myself to do that ! Thank you for sharing, and letting us learn...
Just a question, would you use this method again, but with the correct procedure This time? Or are you looking into other methods now?

 

[rt1989526]

Your goal was to suffer and not die?! Wtf

 

[DeathImminent]

Seems like many ppl care for you, i think its worth fighting for them. I believe in you

 

[Ulisses]

don't give me anything. a disservice to the community and the misuse of sn.

 

[mmt]

Thank you for posting your experience, HorribleFeelings1. I'm sorry to hear what you went through. I did not have a good feeling about SN.

 

[Ghost2211]

Hey man, been a while since we talked. Glad to see you again. It must have felt awful to be in such a distressed state. Are you feeling better now, or do you still desire to CTB?

 

[_Minsk]

It is currently Wednesday 2nd, August 2020, I am in the hospital. Let me tell you my experience with SN. The night of august 2nd, I was taking shots of SN dealing ...

sorry to hear that you went trough this nightmare experience:/ i hope you will feel better soon, i think i would also feel traumatized after this experience.
feel free to pm me anytime in case you need someone to support you or just listens/talk to you *hugs*

 

[Mm80]

Clickbait title.

Story of self-harm and consequences.

Not feeling helped by it, or like this was shared with intentions of the best for me. I feel like I just got flashed.

I'm sure some will say I'm being judgmental and a jerk, don't care.

Agree GPE. I Think rather than educating us on sodium nitrite the op is in a dark place and wants help/attention, which of course is ok but i dont think this post was to help us learn about sn.

 

[krsu]

not sure what you expected to happen when you improperly dosed sn, im glad you are ok now though, please dont do that again ;w;

I think its unfair though to scare people away from sn with this post when it shouldn't be painful if you take the right dosage

sorry if im sounding insensitive, I know I don't know you but I do care about you and everyone on here

 

[krsu]

Yeah, guys who send dick pics want attention and help, too. And to share for the benefit of the recipient.

whenever I get dick pics in my dms i enjoy giving them low ratings to hurt their egos ;3 I'm evil

 

[rt1989526]

Sounds like some crap a pro-lifer would spin up to scare people here. Shots of SN? Wanting to suffer?

 

[mapletree]

That sucks. My main question is- did it hurt or was it peaceful until someone "rescued" you

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Not feeling helped by it, or like this was shared with intentions of the best for me. I feel like I just got flashed.

I agree.
I feel depressed enough as it is, and reading this just makes me feel worse, and more anxious.

This may not have been the intention of the OP, but that's my truth.

 

[Steamm]

Glad youre doing fine now

 

[mapletree]

I mean I just want to know if the SN will hurt the entire time I'm dying because obviously if I do it I would not do it around a bunch of family members. But since you experienced an overdose and are here to talk about it can you tell if there were any feelings of panic etc?

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I wasn't trying to die but I was trying to suffer as much as possible

I don't understand this.

 

[krsu]

I know alot of you guys are upset at OP's post but please try to be nice, you don't know what they are going through

 

[ceelo]

Another weekly installment of "i failed SN by avoiding protocol"

I know alot of you guys are upset at OP's post but please try to be nice, you don't know what they are going through

I believe strongly in personal responsibility therefore i dont care.

 

[mapletree]

I'm being practical. If OP wanted to do this. (Not sure why?) they should provide more information about what the method feels like because personally I do not want to suffer

 

[icanhasnick]

I dun feel sorry in the least, especially seeing that you turned your self-harm experience into a FUD inducing thread. You got absolutely what you were looking for.

This is a great disservice to the community, the sorts of which one would only expect from militant anti-choicers.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I know alot of you guys are upset at OP's post but please try to be nice, you don't know what they are going through

What was your initial gut response to the message?

 

[krsu]

What was your initial gut response to the message?

i know it upset me to read because I just got over being scared of sn

im not scared of it anymore because i understand how it works and I'm confident that its painless

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I know alot of you guys are upset at OP's post but please try to be nice, you don't know what they are going through

I couldn't agree more with this. It's not our place to judge the OP on their decision to do what they did. We're supposed to be here for one another in potentially the darkest moments in our lives.

 

[Lupgevif]

I fail to see how this would make anyone afraid of SN, especially with so much information about the proper way to take it out there.

 

[Ghost2211]

I don't see this as spreading fear. Everyone should be able to read the guides, and upon doing so should see this was not following the protocol. This was clearly distress and self harm. OP is young, so it should not be a shock he reached out in such a way. Part of why we are here offer a safe place. Why has this community become so cold to "attention seeking"? Self harm is a common occurrence here, and a lot of people here are lacking love and attention in real life.

 

[rt1989526]

I fail to see how this would make anyone afraid of SN, especially with so much information about the proper way to take it out there.

I get your point but hearing things like "it hurt so bad" and "I'm traumatized" from small amounts does NOT help in any way.

 

[Aap]

I drank poison in an amount insufficient to rapidly incapacitate me, and it was unpleasant.