Venting So tired of feeling this way, need to self-harm

[crabclaw]

I'm so tired of feeling so fucking bad all the time. Just sad or angry for no reason. I want to hurt myself so bad and I've been clean for about 2 months-ish. Cutting myself seriously feels like the only thing that can bring me any relief because life feels so impossibly unbearable. I keep feeling so physically tense and I just can't release that stress and the only thing that feels like it would help is hitting myself on my head or cutting. I live with my partner who stops me from hurting myself but I have no idea how else to cope because I feel so awful all the time. I feel like at least if I could just cut myself then I would feel calmer during the day and maybe I wouldn't feel so miserable all the time. Don't know if it's true or not, but it feels like the only thing I can do that will bring any relief and I'm so so so tired. I know everybody always says that self harm is bad but I can't help but feel like, if it makes me feel okay, even just for a little while, isn't that okay? I just want a bit of relief. Every single moment feels so fucking awful. Why can't I just feel a little okay for a second. I'm trying so hard to keep everything together and stay alive. I want to give up already. I'm so tired. I just want to die.