trying ungracefully
Experienced
- Jun 11, 2025
- 293
It's been a while since I did it but like always it is a crutch that I always go to lean on. I hate cutting so much. My blades are dull and I don't get the depth I want, I ended up getting blood on my white sheet, and it is now there forever. It was on top of other scars so nothing new new but I have an area with layered scars and my skin looks deformed, I don't want that in another place.
I tried breathing exercises but that didn't last long. I would go back to crying right after the breathing was done. I took 3mg of Ativan but that didn't all kick in until after I cut. I wish I took it sooner because I think it would have helped me avoid self harm.
I feel bad because my boyfriend texted me "I hope you're okay" and it was way after the fact and I didn't tell him. I hate when he has to find out, it hurts him so much understandably. I don't want him to find this out but at some point he will because his suspicions get raised when I don't want sex for a while and I won't change in front of him. He doesn't talk about it usually when he sees it but I feel like it is a slight mood killer that we have to get over for a second.
I tried breathing exercises but that didn't last long. I would go back to crying right after the breathing was done. I took 3mg of Ativan but that didn't all kick in until after I cut. I wish I took it sooner because I think it would have helped me avoid self harm.
I feel bad because my boyfriend texted me "I hope you're okay" and it was way after the fact and I didn't tell him. I hate when he has to find out, it hurts him so much understandably. I don't want him to find this out but at some point he will because his suspicions get raised when I don't want sex for a while and I won't change in front of him. He doesn't talk about it usually when he sees it but I feel like it is a slight mood killer that we have to get over for a second.
