So close, am devastated

[letsmakeitagoodworl]

If your a dr or in the plant biology kinda field I have a question near the end.

For 11 months ive been suffering getting close to dying, for the 5/6th time someone realised how close i was & forced an ambo & hosp, now I have a fucked up heart & am alive. Im crying i dont want to do this yet again. Ive barely left my apartment in 6 months cuse I cant walk, but i live in a tiny country with tight border control. And im too whimpy to hang myself

Hopefully this doesnt go against the rules but if someone has a contact for opiates you know is trustworthy & ships beyond usa please message me, I dont even know how to start understanding the dark web & am too mentally messed up to manage it right now.

My other option is foxgloves. I KNOW they can be very toxic but some of my stash is 4+ years old in capsules, some is 2 years, some is about 6 months. I have quite a lot, about 50 of the old stuff i blended up in size 1 or 0 capsules (whichever is smaller), thrn i have dried leaves and stems. Im scared it wont work though? The last thing I need is another fail

 

[Forveleth]

My other option is foxgloves. I KNOW they can be very toxic but some of my stash is 4+ years old in capsules, some is 2 years, some is about 6 months. I have quite a lot, about 50 of the old stuff i blended up in size 1 or 0 capsules (whichever is smaller), thrn i have dried leaves and stems. Im scared it wont work though? The last thing I need is another fail

The issue with plant-based methods is that you never know how much toxin is in each plant. Unfortunately it is a gamble

 

[letsmakeitagoodworl]

The issue with plant-based methods is that you never know how much toxin is in each plant. Unfortunately it is a gamble

This is what puts me off so much, the timing is also hard, some journals write ppeople's tart vomiting asap, others a day or so later, i think for me it was about 12 hours later but at that stage I wasnt trying to die. It seems such a risk that things get so unbelievably sick if take myself to hosp. I only took about 5 flowers & the sem/leaves it was on (very little) and inwas vomiting everything for most of a day, it only stopped as i gave up trying to drink fluids.

Why is this so damn hard