SN kills under 1hr (mostly around 40min) or 2.
How do you know it kills you 'under' 1hr or 2? It's like that in all cases or it 'depends' on 'each' 'person's' 'body' and how 'quickly' it 'reacts to it? I've 'read' in some 'threads' on the 'forum' about SN that it can take 4 hours or even more to 'entirely' kill you, so it's 'confusing'. i know it depends and its not the same for everyone but i want to 'know' if it actually takes that long or not because I don't live alone neither (another 'concern' or whatever tf that means is vomiting and making 'noise' but well it's 'likely' to happen even with antiemetics so...), i live my 'parents' and my 'room' is right next to theirs. my 'mother' 'wakes up' 'often' during the night to go to the 'bathroom' and 'prepare' 'herself' some 'infusion' and my 'father' 'normally' 'sleeps' the 'whole' 'night' and doesnt 'wake up'/'get up' 'at all' or 'only' does it 'once', but there are 'sometimes'/some days where he 'barely' 'sleeps'/cant 'sleep' 'much' for whatever reason, so if the sn doesn't kill me 'soon' 'enough' they'd 'wake up', id get caught with the sn/in the 'middle' of the attempt and they'd 'freak out', 'crying' 'a lot' and 'screaming' 'desperately' and would also immediately call a fucking 'ambulance', so that's why i need to know if it's 1-2 hours as you have 'said' or it's more, if it's more then I'd be risking a lot being found before the sn kills me and then id end up in a fucking 'psych ward' or whatever the fuck that crap is and without any more opportunities to attempt again because I'd be on 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' ('at least' not any more 'opportunities' for a veeeery long time, that can be 1 year, 2 or even much more. I know that I'd have another opportunity eventually again but first it'd have passed a 'long' time, until 'they' 'forget' about my attempt and dont 'suspect' anymore...) so i have to be 'sure' '100%' that it'll kill me 'relatively' "quick" and it wont take 'too' 'long'.
ffs I 'guess' (I 'put' 's to the 'words' because i literally just don't give a damn f*ck about the 'meaning' of literally any 'word' at all lol) ill have to 'decide' to fucking 'work' to have 'money' for a fucking 'house'/'apartment' or whatever tf that is so i can finally attempt there "without any" risks and not having to 'worry' about 'traumatizing'/'shocking' my 'parents'/'family' and also not having to fucking 'worry' about being 'found'/getting 'caught'/'ending up' in a 'psych ward'/not having any more opportunities/'failing' the attempt/being on 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' and many other fucking risks I'd have to 'deal with' if i do it here in this 'house' with my 'parents'. But jfc for that to be possible not only i have to fucking work and all that garbage shit, but to finally have the damn house I'd have to fcking 'wait' for who the fck knows how many years until the house is 'fInIsHeD' and i DONT want to have to wait that long. Sigh, i don't really want to 'traumatize'/'shock' my 'parents' nor have to fcking 'worry' about not having enough time to attempt 'pRoPeRlY' and die 'successfully' nor have to fcking 'worry' about getting caught by them or 'someone else' but jfc the other 'alternative' is having to fcking 'work' and all that crap shit and then wait for so many years until i finally can fcking 'buy'/'have' the fcking 'house' AND THEN FINALLY be 'able' to 'attempt' and "CTB" ("catch" the "bus" to NOTHINGNESS/NON-EXISTENCE, nor to any type of 'afterlife' at all) and "not" 'fail' and do it 'sUcCeSsFuLlY' and "without any" of the 'risks' that ive 'mentioned' 'above', it fcking sucks that i have no other 'option' and that it's either fcking work and have a fcking house and do it there where i wouldn't have to 'worry' about 'failing' nor not having 'enough' 'time' nor getting 'caught' but id 'first' have had to fucking work and all that garbage and would have had waited for so many years to have the damn house or do it here and risk it a lot and traumatize/shock my parents/family and make them 'suffer' or whatever tf that means 'more' than theyd 'already' do because of my death. WHY THE DAMN F*CK IT HAS TO FCKING BE SO FCKING HARD TO FINALLY DIE/NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL/NOT 'BE' ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR FUCK'S DAMN SAKE WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!! siggggghhhhh
