Hi, I discovered I'm trans at 26.. Now I'm 28 and I went on HRT for 2-3 months... I know I will never get a passing... I'm somehow feminine but... I don't know, I just need something around 100.000 for all the surgeryes, including FFS and stuff, I don't even know if it will work... I'm tired of this, my pain even got into my body, I get cramps, I feel like fainting when watch myself in the mirror, and.. the stupid voices in my head, no... I can't deal with that... When I have to go outside home I have to wear a COVID mask and a hat... I never suffered this way... Neither jail, heroine, or the early cancer... I never gave a f**k.. but now... I just want to know what poison to use... Help me... Where I can obtain N or SN? Text me or somewhat... Something I can use... I regretted of cutting veins because is so stupid... You have to cut your tendinis and even if you cut a vein you might not die... I tried suiciding with methadone in December, 30 doses... (90 mg each, which is like 130g of heroine...) Nothing... I vomited 3 times and my sight was crooked, nothing else.. (I was a heroin addict so, heroine/morphhine might not work on me.. and even the best drugs always struggled to do something to me... When I went to sleep, somehow deeply I felt that I'm not going to die, but the hope for end that was so big and I felt so in peace... Now that I'm on hormones I can't drink alcohol, that is strange and reassuring, I got alot weaker and I quit methadone since the suicide attempt... My idea was gathering poisonous mushrooms, but... I already had a poisoning of them and didn't die... This thing is so f****d up... I don't know... What to do.. help me please, I can't even wait for the stupid mushrooms because the season starts in September here where I live... What should I do?
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FuneralCry
She wished that she never existed...
- Sep 24, 2020
- 34,155
I hope that you eventually find peace from your suffering, I understand that it's so dreadful and tiring feeling so trapped in this existence.
Its hearthwarming to hear... Anyway did you got any ideas?.. my doctor is prescribing me hormones illegally, so... Maybe a mix of something? Or ... The f****n mushrooms... But I remember it was painful I vomited 30 times in a hour, I can deal with that .. but are they even fatal? When I poisoned I've gone to the hospital, I was young
I'm sorry for you too.. what are you struggling with?.. if I can ask..
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FuneralCry
She wished that she never existed...
- Sep 24, 2020
- 34,155
I struggle because I feel trapped in this undesirable existence that I never even wished for in the first place. I also wish Nembutal is accessible, I find it to be extreme cruelty how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die on our own terms, we really shouldn't have to struggle to die, the fact that this existence could potentially continue for decades fills me with so much dread.
Yes... Listen.. Maybe it's sad to say but... We can help each other to find that N or SN or whatever... I'm searching a lot .. I feel a little evil saying that, but .. now I know what means all that... Is worse than a withdrawal, worse than everything... And I don't wish that to anyone ... I think we can succeed...
For being honest, every mechanical way it's brutal, and so ineffective... I don't know, everyone here talks about A and peaceful pill book ... This things are so hidden, I don't know, maybe the seller is off right now... What an awful day...
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