SN about a year old maybe more

[inaminute]

This is my 20g SN it's about 18 months old I've always kept it in my safe.

I haven't posted here for a while as I had a period of stability of mind however recently I have been suffering physically with an enormous inguinal hernia and waiting on surgery. I'm seeing my consultant on Dec 19th. I could still be placed in a waiting list for a year or more. I can't do that.

My medical records state I have borderline personality disorder. So my GP despite acknowledging my physical problem. I have lumps in my many parts and they are putting it down to cysts. Because I've not been able to work due to the pain from the hernia I can't pay my bills and my credit has taken a hit.

My mum died last year, I have no family apart from my wife and kids and her son who she had before I met her. She and her son take the piss he has these scrap cars dumped on our driveway and refuses to move them whenever I challenge his behaviour, I am the problem.

So rn I am at the point of taking this sn and saying goodbye. I'm unemployable, aged 47 no how of a career in pain everyday and sick of living by selling my possessions to just keep the family afloat despite my wife raking in around£3000 a month and her son and gf who love with us bringing in roughly the same.

I believe I am being used for every hobby or interest I had I had to sell my radio gear, my drone I used to use for photogrammetry and a few days ago my graphics card, so now I can't even play a game to escape.

When I buy a beer at night, I am the problem. I get there's always two sides of the story and if my wife could share her thoughts about me she'd say I'm the selfish one.

Anyway, is this an still viable?

I did consider stabbing myself where the hernia is using my balisong knife which is Japanese steel and very very sharp.

Im considering 5g at first, I have metoclopramide to hand. I just can't keep living like this with my credit cards and debts spiralling which the wife pays her cards off and ignores my needs.

Is this method truly pain free?

 

[Cubetty]

I wouldn't recommend 5g. The PPH guide suggests 20g, and the Stan guide says 25g. It's painless in the sense that it's less traumatic than others, but many people experience headaches and vomiting, which are still quite tolerable compared to other methods.


Either way, it's none of my business, but maybe you'd want to vent here first before making a decision. You've got nothing to lose by talking about how you feel