Help Should i message Her?

[Rez_MbChB]

Hey so basically want to CTB because my girlfriend left me. She left me because when I was drunk i was flirting/hitting on girls. She left me about 11 weeks ago, and then in the month following it got pretty messy as I tried to get her back and stuff and she ended up blocking me on all social media. Now I have another facebook account which is friends with her and am still on her private instagram so I could message her, should I and try to keep it as casual as possible? or no? We were together for a long time and I've never loved soemone the same as I did with her and jsut want to fix it. Its also pretty time-sensitive as by the end of the week I have to make a decision that will either see me stay in the same city as her or go to a completely different island from her. I dont know If I can make this decision, and just want to CTB but still have hope of getting back with her because she didnt block the other account... is this stupid and did she just forget or what?

I just want some advice idek I think its probably stupid af right, have been blocked and without her for nearly 2 months and jsut feel like pure shit and empty, but still ahve hope in abck of my mind.

 

[not_a_robot]

In my experience, it never helps in this situation;
but then, none of the people I've been with ever really loved me in the first place, so maybe your result will be different than mine.

 

[secondtimesthecharm]

I don't know, just wanted to say I feel your pain and I'm sorry you're going thru it. I was dumped by the love of my life less than 2 weeks ago, and am currently debating whether I should message him before I CTB or not, myself.

It's hard to give up hope, and if you feel like reaching out to her is the right thing to do then you should. At the risk of sounding callous though, don't expect much in return :(

 

[andy69]

I fight the urge of texting my ex- everyday. He left me after fifteen plus years together out of the blue. Gave me no indication that he was unhappy. He met another man and stopped calling me. He ghosted me for two weeks before he finally answered the phone and told me. He doesn't want anything to do with me now. I feel like garbage, completely worthless.

The problem with me is that I am old and will never find love again. You might be able to find someone else and start your life anew. Try to stay away from messaging her.

I'm also suicidal about my heartbreak. He doesn't care. I wrote him a suicide note. I have scheduled to send to him via email if I go through it.

 

[Rez_MbChB]

Yeah it's hard because like I am getting over it but I don't want to, it's hard to explain. Im not sure if the right thing is to message her I'm really confused.... like I know she loved me more than anyone she's loved before But I hurt her so much.. like she deleted photos and stuff and I think this is for her benefit like so she's not reminded of me etc... the only thing keeping me going is patients and not wanting the hospital to be one more doctor down.. pretty silly I know

 

[andy69]

Yeah it's hard because like I am getting over it but I don't want to, it's hard to explain. Im not sure if the right thing is to message her I'm really confused.... like I know she loved me more than anyone she's loved before But I hurt her so much.. like she deleted photos and stuff and I think this is for her benefit like so she's not reminded of me etc... the only thing keeping me going is patients and not wanting the hospital to be one more doctor down.. pretty silly I know

It sounds like you have something to distract you - being a doctor. She might contact you later. You might be better off to keep your distance.

 

[not_a_robot]

Honestly, I would take the opportunity to move. The worst thing anyone can do after heartbreak is stay in the same city. Too many reminders, you'll always secretly hope to bump into them, inevitably you do, and make a fool of yourself...who needs it?
You worked very hard for your career (I hope).
You'd be throwing away so much.
You have a chance for a future elsewhere.
Run to it.
I would, anyway.

And this is coming from someone who generally hates doctors but, seriously. Run to it. What do you have to lose that you haven't already lost? If you don't feel better in a new city, you can always ctb later.

Ok that's my effort to let someone stand on my shoulders to climb out of the pit, for today. Do what you like.

(you realize I'm incurring a 20% ban warning for saying this to you, right?)

 

[LongTimeComing]

Contacting them, in my experience, makes it worse and further lessens your chance of getting back together. On top of that, it hurts even more when they respond (usually by blocking you or crushing your hopes). Moving on hurts a lot, but being stuck on the past is even more painful.

 

[Rez_MbChB]

Contacting them, in my experience, makes it worse and further lessens your chance of getting back together. On top of that, it hurts even more when they respond (usually by blocking you or crushing your hopes). Moving on hurts a lot, but being stuck on the past is even more painful.

Yeah, its fucked she was the nicest indest girl to everyone and I fucking ruined it.. IDK I guess Il see what happens and have fairly decent access to drugs if I need to CTB... unfortunately Im so self medicated atm everything is a blur and I dont really feel anything.. which I guess is better than being suicidal and its what I wanted but like fuck its a strange feeling to be forgetting about her..

 

[Soul]

It's a bit hard to tell from what you write whether you want to try to reanimate your relationship with her or simply want to let her know you regret hurting her. If it's the latter, but you're not sure it's the right time, it's probably not the right time yet.

If it's the former but you're unsure, it wouldn't be wise or fair to contact her. In my opinion.

 

[Rez_MbChB]

It's a bit hard to tell from what you write whether you want to try to reanimate your relationship with her or simply want to let her know you regret hurting her. If it's the latter, but you're not sure it's the right time, it's probably not the right time yet.

If it's the former but you're unsure, it wouldn't be wise or fair to contact her. In my opinion.

I guess its a bit of both and I dont really know myself. I cant move on without fixing it but by fixing it I would want to try and get back together.. bit of a fucking pickle tbh

 

[Soul]

Hm. "Fixing it" so you can have back a relationship that you were careless with before ... Honestly I would wait until all I want is to let her know I regret hurting her. If it's too early for that it's too early for wanting more from her.

 

[Rez_MbChB]

Hm. "Fixing it" so you can have back a relationship that you were careless with before ... Honestly I would wait until all I want is to let her know I regret hurting her. If it's too early for that it's too early for wanting more from her.

Yeah I guess, shes going to bali soon with her family (I think) for a couple of weeks, so I was thinking to wait till after that and let her have a holiday and time out without me trying to talk to her and give her space I think she needed before we broke up and maybe things would have been different... shoulda woulda coulda I guess.

 

[Jean Améry]

I don't think it could hurt to write her a sincere, apologetic letter expressing your wish to make ammends for your behaviour and acknowledging in no uncertain terms how wrong it was to hurt her feelings. Don't mention anything about wanting to meet her let alone of wanting to get back together else she might think you're trying to manipulate her. It's up to her to take that step if she wants to. Be prepared for the possibility of it being no.

Good luck with this.