Venting Sh memories?

[gonefornow]

i have a bad memory so I don't really remember when i sh even if it was only in 2021 but its a very talked about thing in my family. Every time it's brought up it kinda makes me feel what i felt at the time its like a rush of memories of the feeling. And my arms get weak and feel weird? I dont really know how to explain it that well. But i dint understand why this is happening? I wouldn't say its a trigger? It doesn't cause me to start sh again. I just feel weird at the thought of it. It don't remember what it looked like or how people reacted to it. I dont feel sad at the though i just feel weird? It that normal? Dose that happen to anyone else?

 

[dinosavr]

Self harming makes you feel kind of weird in general, it's quite an intense feeling, intense experience. Many depressed people do it just because they want to feel something while they suffer with anhedonia.

I think with memories, emotions are partially back, too. And that's why you feel weird. Because it's actually hard to tell what kind of emotions you feel while self harming. It probably depends on the person but it's definitely a mix of many different emotions - guilt mixed with satisfaction, anger with relief, etc.

I think it's perfectly reasonable and natural that you don't understand what you feel. Sh is against human's natural will to be safe and to avoid pain. It's something we're biologically against of and in the same time - what we really desire sometimes.