Going to be 31 this year, been fedling like this for a long time

[nosleep4shep]

Feeling like this everyday, every hour for this long is debilitating. Started having feelings of wanting to CTB since I was about 12 and I'm surprised I've made it this far. Tried SH again recently but it doesn't help and for some stupid reason my mom decided to come randomly visit me the next day. Idk if I'm glad she didn't ask where the blood came from or not but she washed my hoodie that I fell asleep in that night and managed to get it out. Ugh anyway, I quit my job, stop talking to any/all friends a few months ago. Only one person kind of knows and it's a random off the internet. Anyway, I just wanted to say something somewhere where someone might understand how it feels. It's really rough and doesn't help I had quit my job recently. Probably going to look for some mellow part time work for a bit while I kind of detox and try to stabilize. Wtf is up with mental help being so expensive and the only place to go for help being 988 for free? No insurance/US health system sucks, if I went into a program I'd get evicted with all my belongings still there. Anyway, time to walk back home, I really just walked to a park to sit here for a bit but my phone is gonna die and I don't wanna walk back without music. Never posted here before, just remembered I'd signed up some time ago

 

[oofuf]

It really is heartbreaking how you've had to suffer this long. And it's even worse knowing that you continue to feel this way. I hope posting on this website can make you feel a little better and I hope you can be free from this suffering.

 

[nosleep4shep]

It really is heartbreaking how you've had to suffer this long. And it's even worse knowing that you continue to feel this way. I hope posting on this website can make you feel a little better and I hope you can be free from this suffering.

Yeah feel a little better after saying something somewhere. Having it bottled up all the time sucks. Like internally screaming. Past few days have been extra rough, and had a too real dream last night where at the end I got shot in the chest and had chest pains all day. Can't wait to be free from the pain too, thank you for replying so I know I didn't just post into an endless void

 

[iloverachel]

I am so sorry you have suffered for so long. I am 30 and suffered for about 8 years and it feels like forever. I can't imagine suffering since 12 until now that sounds tough and awful