Self harm as art

[strangeloner]

I used to start self harming and cutting myself when I was about 11/12 years old. It started as an expression of how much I hated myself, then to feel alive and over time it became a form of art for me.
Is anyone else seeing their self harm as an form of art? I cut phrases on my arm, draw symbols and hearts and I love how it turns from a wound to a scar. Generally drawing is a huge relief for me but drawing on myself with blades just gives me all the peace I need, since the act of just cutting just isn't enough anymore, it stopped hurting...

 

[necpluribusimparer]

I agree with what you're saying. I myself just like seeing the blood. Many times i just flay the blade on my skin until it's flooded with blood. It's therapeutic in a way.

 

[strangeloner]

I agree with what you're saying. I myself just like seeing the blood. Many times i just flay the blade on my skin until it's flooded with blood. It's therapeutic in a way.

I understand you. Therapeutic is a good word for that. There's something so comforting about it but sometimes I feel like something's wrong with me because of how much I like it, the color, the shimmering of the blood, the lines of the cuts and the little artsy patterns I create.. so much that I don't even see it as self harming. Do you consider it self harm when it's not really harming(maybe physically but I dont mind, so for me it's not actually harming)?

 

[necpluribusimparer]

I agree very much with what you're saying, but it is still self harm (not that there's anything wrong with SH) You are in fact hurting yourself with a blade. To you and I that's therapeutic, but it is still self harm. You could argue philosophically whether it is SH if you enjoy it in a away or not, but I see it as SH anyway. If you see it through an Adam Smithian perspective, you probably think it's SH, because you, as an independent agent have hurt yourself, but through a more detailed lens, you could see it as more of a reflection of your feelings that are affecting you in a particular way. A way that gives you peace, and tranquility, through an outlook on life that includes rough presentations of your feelings. I think that is what is reflecting onto you and I. I think that I enjoy seeing blood because it reflects my pain in such triggering detail.

 

[theboy]

I hope you can stop and begin to realize that there are more ways to relieve yourself than self-injury. I know it is difficult because you are already used to it but even if it sounds poetic the art form, you could look for other ways.

 

[strangeloner]

I agree very much with what you're saying, but it is still self harm (not that there's anything wrong with SH) You are in fact hurting yourself with a blade. To you and I that's therapeutic, but it is still self harm. You could argue philosophically whether it is SH if you enjoy it in a away or not, but I see it as SH anyway. If you see it through an Adam Smithian perspective, you probably think it's SH, because you, as an independent agent have hurt yourself, but through a more detailed lens, you could see it as more of a reflection of your feelings that are affecting you in a particular way. A way that gives you peace, and tranquility, through an outlook on life that includes rough presentations of your feelings. I think that is what is reflecting onto you and I. I think that I enjoy seeing blood because it reflects my pain in such triggering detail.

That was very well written and I understand what you mean. You're probably right, I just don't want to see it as self harm, its just that my mind somehow refuses to see it as what it is.
I'm sorry for the immense pain you're feeling though and I hope you find your ways to get through that. Somehow it's saddening for me when others harm themself but not when it comes to me harming myself.
Thanks again for that explanation.

I hope you can stop and begin to realize that there are more ways to relieve yourself than self-injury. I know it is difficult because you are already used to it but even if it sounds poetic the art form, you could look for other ways.

I tried other ways but none seemed to work or were just not enough relief. For me it was always the perfect way to combine relief and self-hatred with art... and even the slightest feeling of pain makes me feel alive. But I'm always open for new ways...

 

[F@#$]

Isn't there like jungle folks or some tribes in Africa that scar themselves with different patterns and shit? Like it's their tradition/right of passage I think?
You like to draw? You should check out a tattoo machine. They totally draw blood and you can make some pretty sick shit. I know people that make good money tattooing, and they get to do what the fuck they want.

 

[strangeloner]

Isn't there like jungle folks or some tribes in Africa that scar themselves with different patterns and shit? Like it's their tradition/right of passage I think?
You like to draw? You should check out a tattoo machine. They totally draw blood and you can make some pretty sick shit. I know people that make good money tattooing, and they get to do what the fuck they want.

Oh, true, I remember I actually heard of a few people that recovered and got triggered by getting a tattoo because it felt so similar to cutting. Even heard of people tattooing themself where it hurts the most as a form of self harm. That's actually something to consider. And I'm gonna look up the tribes, only ever read about the Māoris and their Tā moko and personally I think its beautiful, so I'm always interested in that

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

i do as well. sometimes i'd collect the blood and paint with it. (WARNING: do not keep blood in a bottle for long. it will stink really bad.)
i also find that doing stick and pokes help with my urges. i did one recently and it was fun for me.
scarification is also a thing, i remember hearing that there were some places who did them professionally.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

omg same!! my cutting's now become more like scarificationthere's something powerful & affirming i feel when doing it now.

 

[slightoverlooked]

yeah honestly sometimes i look at my scars and think they r pretty but what makes me hate them is that others won't see it like that. i miss cutting on my arms. when i was very convinced that i would ctb very soon i would cut when i was bored. nowadays i watch my old sh videos.
ik its fucked up but sometimes i dream of someone else cutting me

 

[strangeloner]

yeah honestly sometimes i look at my scars and think they r pretty but what makes me hate them is that others won't see it like that. i miss cutting on my arms. when i was very convinced that i would ctb very soon i would cut when i was bored. nowadays i watch my old sh videos.
ik its fucked up but sometimes i dream of someone else cutting me

Don't hate your scars. It seems like you stopped cutting and when I stopped yrs ago I always convinced myself of them as battle scars and full of stories. They aren't something that devaluates you even if others see it as some form of weakness or not pretty.
To the last part: It might sound fucked up, but I understand it. My ex and I used to do that a few times to be honest, never told anyone because we knew they wouldn't and couldn't understand.