Discussion Recovery

[your pathologist]

Hello
Its been a while since ive posted here.
I remember asking for a recovery section and now its here. Its a little surreal.
Celebrating one year since i joined soon.
Im not in the same place i was
But still i roam back to this site.
Still have my SN
Have seen some friends from here leave for good.
Are you really in recovery if you stay here?
What does recovery mean to you?

I have a lot of issues forgetting the past
What cant you forget

 

[stellabelle]

Glad to see you.

I think for each user it depends on how they use the forum. Most will move on when they are ready I'm sure.

And I don't quite know what it means to me yet. I still have my days. Just about every day and sometimes less in between, but it's all just a battle.

I can't forget the knives in my chest and my back. I can't find an escape from it, it comes back in waves.

I have a partner who loves me and employment so why isn't that enough?

 

[your pathologist]

Glad to see you.

I think for each user it depends on how they use the forum. Most will move on when they are ready I'm sure.

And I don't quite know what it means to me yet. I still have my days. Just about every day and sometimes less in between, but it's all just a battle.

I can't forget the knives in my chest and my back. I can't find an escape from it, it comes back in waves.

I have a partner who loves me and employment so why isn't that enough?

I have a boyfriend
Not employment
But i have everything paid for
Going to school
I am just suffering from living life after psychiatric medicines changed my thoughts and the way i learn and remember things
....
I love that theres a recovery forum
I was laughed off one of my last postings
The 5 months i was researching methods this community was everything to me
Its amazing to see this

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I think you have to comprehend the real possibility of a worse case scenario to begin
to deal with it .

Toxic denial is a killer - perhaps it kills more people than actual suicide ?
Via stress , neurosis , acting out violently ...

Better to be able to negotiate the horror than pretend that ignoring it is a solution .

At 55yo , and a 'career suicidal' ( a label I initially was offended by , but one that seems to fit me , however
insulting and demeaning it may be , as in devalueing the 'integrity' of my internal 'suffering')
, an invention that initially was soothing has become a leaden ever present recourse of futility
that has overtaken other proactive goals - in my opinion , no less difficult to deconstruct .

I've stepped up some layman research into basic psychology ( of the 50 famous psychologist variety )
It has been informative as to what is ommited ( Terror Management Theory for one )as to what is presented .
It's interesting to see the research growing and how psychology has fragmented into a labyrinth of genres .

I did fantasise about studying it ... but I have never fared well in tusky towers ( chortle ).

My recovery peaks in fantasies of searching out a construction gang that has a semblance of wokeness
( I had a chance with a classic Irish gang in my youth but didn't appreciate their accpting comeraderie at the time .)

(This comment written to "waiting for the miracle" by Leonard Cohen , on loop .)

Good Luck with your recovery @your pathologist and everyone else .

 

[sad_frog]

I am so happy for you, random person! I just wanted to congratulate you!

I feel like I am in recovery though I'm still on this website. I am usually looking for more positive posts like this one.

The past is difficult to get over. The feelings, for me, are sometimes unrecognizable which makes it hard to figure out truly what's bothering you about the past. All things show themselves in time. I feel as though the best way to get over the past trauma is by examining it in every possible way. Talking about it, even if it's just to some randos online (like me!) also helps let those things go. Whatever it is you are struggling with from your past, you have already been through it, the worst is over and it's time to let yourself heal. :)
Hope the days only get better and easier from here!

 

[your pathologist]

I am so happy for you, random person! I just wanted to congratulate you!

I feel like I am in recovery though I'm still on this website. I am usually looking for more positive posts like this one.

The past is difficult to get over. The feelings, for me, are sometimes unrecognizable which makes it hard to figure out truly what's bothering you about the past. All things show themselves in time. I feel as though the best way to get over the past trauma is by examining it in every possible way. Talking about it, even if it's just to some randos online (like me!) also helps let those things go. Whatever it is you are struggling with from your past, you have already been through it, the worst is over and it's time to let yourself heal. :)
Hope the days only get better and easier from here!

I was looking for positivity when i left this place back in January
I think its helpful
Personally became very attached to the userbase and found myself alienated when the clouds began to thin

You ever notice how strongly the past becomes part of your identity
The more time that goes by, you cant seem to remember all the details
And, personally, you begin to lose bits and pieces of what you thought was yourself...
My buggest struggle is letting go of those unobtainable memories
And trying to figure out who is left
Thank you for saying hello

 

[stellabelle]

I have a boyfriend
Not employment
But i have everything paid for
Going to school
I am just suffering from living life after psychiatric medicines changed my thoughts and the way i learn and remember things
....
I love that theres a recovery forum
I was laughed off one of my last postings
The 5 months i was researching methods this community was everything to me
Its amazing to see this

I hope your studies are going well. Just take everything one day at a time.

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

I am just suffering from living life after psychiatric medicines changed my thoughts and the way i learn and remember things

I'm in the same boat, except that meds hurt mainly my body, a little less my mind.
It's good that you feel better

 

[your pathologist]

I think you have to comprehend the real possibility of a worse case scenario to begin
to deal with it .

Toxic denial is a killer - perhaps it kills more people than actual suicide ?
Via stress , neurosis , acting out violently ...

Better to be able to negotiate the horror than pretend that ignoring it is a solution .

At 55yo , and a 'career suicidal' ( a label I initially was offended by , but one that seems to fit me , however
insulting and demeaning it may be , as in devalueing the 'integrity' of my internal 'suffering')
, an invention that initially was soothing has become a leaden ever present recourse of futility
that has overtaken other proactive goals - in my opinion , no less difficult to deconstruct .

I've stepped up some layman research into basic psychology ( of the 50 famous psychologist variety )
It has been informative as to what is ommited ( Terror Management Theory for one )as to what is presented .
It's interesting to see the research growing and how psychology has fragmented into a labyrinth of genres .

I did fantasise about studying it ... but I have never fared well in tusky towers ( chortle ).

My recovery peaks in fantasies of searching out a construction gang that has a semblance of wokeness
( I had a chance with a classic Irish gang in my youth but didn't appreciate their accpting comeraderie at the time .)

(This comment written to "waiting for the miracle" by Leonard Cohen , on loop .)

Good Luck with your recovery @your pathologist and everyone else .

Wow, thank you for the well thought out reply
Ive never heard of terror management theory
Perhaps it's close to Cognitive behavioral therapy

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

Wow, thank you for the well thought out reply
Ive never heard of terror management theory
Perhaps it's close to Cognitive behavioral therapy

It changed my life .
The quote I use as my signiature is by Ernest Becker who 'invented' it.
Sheldon Solomon does some youtube
It is essentially addressing Existential Dread ( Our fear of death ) and builds a theory of human behavior around it .

It is kind of grim , but liberating .
IMO , if the whole world got on board with it , well, ZAP ! Immediate World Peace .

One wonders why it doesn't get much air time doesn't one ... ?

Creepy conspiracy theme tune in the back ground .

You saying it might be like CBT is interesting because when I did CBT with a very kind and competent psychologist
it was never covered ... and upon reading Becker I realized that Existential Dread was a Core issue for me ...
and it was soothing to hear ( I torrented the audio book , tut tut )the words of this dead 'prophet' described my misey and confusion with such compassion .
The Denial of Death is the Pullitzer Prize winning tome that sets out the theory .
It is contaminated with out moded Freudian BS ... but that can be forgiven for ,I think , it's poetic 'truth' (?)
We are , after all 'symbolic' creatures ... and if we are to understand ourselves , then imagery that creates pictures and ideas in our minds seems legit .

I could talk all day about this shit ... there is a 'very real sense' in that it was for me my first step into recovery .
But we are all very very different and waht ails one is no bother to another .

I was raised as a door to door bible salesman - can you tell ?

Take Care ... more coffee and fags and a walk and then a decadent day time slumber !
That's Livin' for me !