Venting Recovery not recovering

[h0ll0w]

It's the first time in my life that I actually wanna live and have things going on for me but I can't bear the stress. I've started smoking pot again daily for like 2 months now. I was so happy doing all better and finding the will to live but I just wanna give up all of a sudden and dissociate. Usually this isn't a problem cause I do it for a bit and then I go back on track, but this time it's been two months of dissociating. I feel so pathetic.

 

[paranoias64]

lots of people use pot to manage their stress and anxiety, as long as ur able to function, theres no shame in that. pls dont be hard on urself. i hope things get better for u <3

 

[h0ll0w]

lots of people use pot to manage their stress and anxiety, as long as ur able to function, theres no shame in that. pls dont be hard on urself. i hope things get better for u <3

I function but it's pathetic to watch tbh

 

[paranoias64]

I function but it's pathetic to watch tbh

better than nothing. u could be like me. i dont function sober or not, it's pathetic to watch.

 

[voc_89]

^ UNSOBER, person here. Also related to OP. When u have ingrained habits (self-loathing leading to self-mdeicating) its hard to break it. Especially when your life is on the up or well different to norm. You mentioned for example, "first time in my life that I actually wanna live and have things going on for me but I can't bear the stress." LOL! Ignore the approach but I get you.... deeply. For me, I am going to adjust and keep firm to it. Today is my last day being a slave to my dependencies that made me function during my shit life. That said, I knew this was coming. So I delayed it for 2 months. I know I will keep it up after today. But you have to plan things out. After all you sacrficied, your shit life (come on bud u on a SI site... u a mess like me), you going to ignore the good u built up? The good that made you. MADE YOU! get to this point where u can ignore all the overcoming bs that put you down (idk, you were fat, broke, homeless, a bitch, idk). Its okay to feel that after you progressed u still have lingering feelings to the past you. But get a FKING grip. And break free from the past you. You moved to this next level for a reason. Don't let BITCH u keep u down (don't get me wrong I have been in the bitch phase since January... i will def get out of it after today.... take the time u need to get out of that phase.... cause its NEAR AND DEAR TO YOU! you would not still be there if it wasn't for it.... also, not known that you as a person needed to go past that... however, no matter who you are you need time to get past the 'person' who protected you for so long when all you knew (lifewise) was shit.

 

[h0ll0w]

better than nothing. u could be like me. i dont function sober or not, it's pathetic to watch.

It's affecting my job and my friends (I work with some of them). One of them said its like I'vegiven up completely and I can't do the stuff I could. I have no patience with customers and it shows. I feel so bad.

^ UNSOBER, person here. Also related to OP. When u have ingrained habits (self-loathing leading to self-mdeicating) its hard to break it. Especially when your life is on the up or well different to norm. You mentioned for example, "first time in my life that I actually wanna live and have things going on for me but I can't bear the stress." LOL! Ignore the approach but I get you.... deeply. For me, I am going to adjust and keep firm to it. Today is my last day being a slave to my dependencies that made me function during my shit life. That said, I knew this was coming. So I delayed it for 2 months. I know I will keep it up after today. But you have to plan things out. After all you sacrficied, your shit life (come on bud u on a SI site... u a mess like me), you going to ignore the good u built up? The good that made you. MADE YOU! get to this point where u can ignore all the overcoming bs that put you down (idk, you were fat, broke, homeless, a bitch, idk). Its okay to feel that after you progressed u still have lingering feelings to the past you. But get a FKING grip. And break free from the past you. You moved to this next level for a reason. Don't let BITCH u keep u down (don't get me wrong I have been in the bitch phase since January... i will def get out of it after today.... take the time u need to get out of that phase.... cause its NEAR AND DEAR TO YOU! you would not still be there if it wasn't for it.... also, not known that you as a person needed to go past that... however, no matter who you are you need time to get past the 'person' who protected you for so long when all you knew (lifewise) was shit.

Thank you sm for this, it made me cry. It's still been shit for me and I just keep getting worse for now. I know I have til October to move past this or give up completely cause I'll be managing a full time job and start studying again for a second degree so I won't be able to function as I am rn and get all this shit done. Idk what road I'm gonna end up choosing honestly, but I have some time to figure everything out. How is life going for you? Did you manage to control yourself a bit better? If yes what kept you going?