I was meant to ctb at the end of March. I was all ready to go - cleaned my apartment, packed and labelled all my clothes, reset my laptop, drafted a letter to my psychiatrist. But I had an appointment with him, and he asked me to hold off for 4 weeks, and I agreed.
4 weeks is almost over and nothing has changed, in fact I have deteriorated over the Easter break because of interaction with my family. I'm angry that people who are meant to lift you up, tear you down instead.
I've spent all of my life feeling an emptiness inside of me. A kind of void. Even on occasions when I should have been feeling happy, for example on the day of my graduation, I felt numb. I've never had close friends, all my friendships are superficial. I feel so different to everyone around me, an outcast trying to fit in.
I was recently approved for disability. I had wanted to apply for a while now, but when I asked my doctor about it, she didn't want me to apply for it. She said that being on disability meant I wasn't contributing to society, so I gave up on the idea. I need to ctb soon to stop being a liability to society.
I recently started fostering a 10 month old cat. She has taken over my apartment and brought joy to my last months. A week ago, she stared at me when she saw me crying, and tried to comfort me. I think it's amazing that cats can sense your emotions. She is due to be desexed in May and once she is adopted, I am going to finally ctb. I am so done with life.
4 weeks is almost over and nothing has changed, in fact I have deteriorated over the Easter break because of interaction with my family. I'm angry that people who are meant to lift you up, tear you down instead.
I've spent all of my life feeling an emptiness inside of me. A kind of void. Even on occasions when I should have been feeling happy, for example on the day of my graduation, I felt numb. I've never had close friends, all my friendships are superficial. I feel so different to everyone around me, an outcast trying to fit in.
I was recently approved for disability. I had wanted to apply for a while now, but when I asked my doctor about it, she didn't want me to apply for it. She said that being on disability meant I wasn't contributing to society, so I gave up on the idea. I need to ctb soon to stop being a liability to society.
I recently started fostering a 10 month old cat. She has taken over my apartment and brought joy to my last months. A week ago, she stared at me when she saw me crying, and tried to comfort me. I think it's amazing that cats can sense your emotions. She is due to be desexed in May and once she is adopted, I am going to finally ctb. I am so done with life.
