Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[Mythyis001]

10/10 Just want to die. I feel empty. After 30yrs of dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, I think I am finally going to kill myself.

 

[Gossamer]

9.
Not enough that I will do it tonight, because I'm thinking that if this is how I'm going, I might as well stick around for as long as possible to see, but I've planned everything and I'm not seeing a future for myself. Feeling very cold and alone and unlovable, a bit drunk. It'll probably go down in a few hours, but I'm scared about how pervasive and frequent the suicidal thoughts are.

 

[Kualk]

A light 6 maybe, still have multiple suicidal thoughts every hour but they are far more peaceful nowadays

 

[esc_saveandquit]

A hard 9. Can't find the slightest bit of joy in anything and I'm no longer a functional member of society. It's taking a heavy toll on my dad and he's the only reason why I haven't ended it all weeks if not months ago.

 

[noname223]

3. It was my free day and my life quality is way higher when I have freetime.

I am very sad about a person who said goodbye to us. I try to avoid deep connections to people in this forum because I am too scared of being emotionally traumatized. But it reminds me how much despair and pain is part of the lives of the members in this forum. I don't know maybe I am selfish because I ask myself how to cope with it. It was for the person way more painful than for me. When I think about it and what happened I comfort me with the thought that one day I will probably follow the person and face a similar situation. Though it is probably not healthy to think like that.

I felt deep emptiness and sadness when I learned that it happened. The person liked my more positive threads in the recovery forum. So I will keep on trying to offer recovery resources. Despite the fact I struggle to find new ideas for such threads. I am just not such a positive person and I don't want to repeat all the same things. Moreover I don't want to annoy people with empty platitudes. But I will think of him when I write new ones.

I cannot really put my feelings into words. I try to deny the reality about it so far.

 

[vultureilse]

10 for the past few days

if i had a method that works id be already dead rn, its getting more and more unbearable and i just want to be gone but dont have a way to leave, its an awful feeling

 

[0000000000000]

9-10 Almost everyday.

Every time i sleep i long to never wake up again.

 

[MidnightTrain]

6.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

10
24/7

 

[Jarni]

I have 0 choice, so it can only be 10....

 

[noname223]

6,5. Pretty manic and pretty depressed at the same time. It is extremely difficult to cope with tension inside myself. Not even the benzo seems to work. I am so sick of it.

 

[Beautifulpain]

6 at the moment..

 

[Ghostofthepast]

9 to 10 tried a few weeks ago failed going to try again soon

 

[glowstick bones]

A solid 6 rn. Recovery from anorexia is looking fucking difficult, maybe even impossible. I don't know if I want to keep doing this shit.

 

[Hurt]

Today is a 8. I'm feeling suicidal but not too suicidal. My life sucks. Sorry

 

[WorthlessTrash]

9.5. Im depressed, sad, hopeless, bored (because of my depression and dysphoria) and feel I should just CTB and get it over with.

 

[LivideLamb]

A solid 7 today. I did a lot of things, but emotionally it was pretty draining.

 

[Thisisme373]

8 today, it's been bad

 

[jay308]

10

 

[MyLifeIsANightmare]

9.99999

 

[stermc]

A good 8.5 today

 

[patpat]

Like a 8 but I'm stay at a friend. he does not like me bringing this stuff up so it makes me feel like he just doesn't care if I die. I know I'm being crazy but I'm feeling pretty low

 

[ImsooDone1N]

7, but thats because of drugs. w/out those im at a real 9.95/10.00

 

[violetchiwawa]

5.8 Im feeling pretty suicidal but the thoughts aren't specific or action-oriented

 

[disabledlife]

Always 10. The only thing keeping me alive is all the mess I have in my house, which I will have to clean up, move, to facilitate the procedures after my death, for my loved ones. If everything is tidy, organized, I can CTB or die with assisted dying or euthanasia in a country that has legalized it.

If I wasn't tired, weak, in pain all the time, and motivated, I would have tidied up, moved, and then left my life!

This thing that keeps me alive, forces me to suffer again and complain about my life to be listened to by others who reject me because I complain too much (see my posts about my shitty high IQ association).

I say to myself, do I have to CTB now despite everything? CTB despite the disorder at home, at the risk of complicating the work of my loved ones after my death?

 

[Source Energy]

8 or 9. very set on it, even when chill I know this is my best option. Plus, let's say by a miracle it gets better for me ( just a fancy)- It would give me a few more years at most, but I don't want to hit a certain age number. sooner or later, I'll cbt and I want to cbt on my own terms

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.89/10.00

 

[krxbs]

it's around a 6-7 right now: enough to be present on my mind, but not enough to fully overwhelm me. it can go up to an 8 or a 9 when i'm actively spiraling though. it's not fun.

 

[19nitten]

probably a 6 at the moment, it fluctuates every now in then, i'll probably CTB any time i get to a 9 or 10, i'm not in a rush though, but i wouldn't prefer to CTB when i really feel like i need too, if i were to do it now, it would probably fail and failing is even more pathetic and stupid than living.

 

[Falseunderworld]

An 8 and its been consistent