Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[krxbs]

it's around a 6-7 right now: enough to be present on my mind, but not enough to fully overwhelm me. it can go up to an 8 or a 9 when i'm actively spiraling though. it's not fun.

 

[19nitten]

probably a 6 at the moment, it fluctuates every now in then, i'll probably CTB any time i get to a 9 or 10, i'm not in a rush though, but i wouldn't prefer to CTB when i really feel like i need too, if i were to do it now, it would probably fail and failing is even more pathetic and stupid than living.

 

[Falseunderworld]

An 8 and its been consistent

 

[stermc]

8.3

 

[enditplz]

I've been around a 5-6 a good part of my life. Now I'm around an 8-9 and trying to purchase all the stuff I need to ctb as peacefully as possible.

 

[existenceisacurse]

10

 

[ephemerality]

6. i've been worse, been better. at a moment of relative stability after coming out a particularly bad period.

 

[FailureGirl]

9

 

[noname223]

I am feeling nightmarish. 6.5 only though. I am not acute suicidal but my current stress is killing me. My responsibilities weigh like several tons on my shoulders. It is really hard to cope with. Only my addictive medication prevents a relapse. Fuck my life.
Maybe I will write less today I need a break.

 

[jodes2]

2. Life isn't great but I haven't been having many suicidal thoughts at all really. Sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just be gone, but it would hurt others. I have my SN nonetheless

 

[sigil_sara]

10

 

[downndone2]

7

 

[stermc]

A great 10 today!

 

[epic]

8

 

[wait-bus-stop]

I'd say a 5 with a sense it's moving up to much higher levels soon

 

[sick.faery]

recently been more like 2-3, but today 5-6

 

[noname223]

5. Horrible sleep quality. I tried to sleep without the z-medication. Very scared about addiction. Tomorrow I have a busy day so I need to take it again. Fuck my life.

 

[Susannah]

9

 

[Huntfish34]

Uuggghh.... Right around a... 10 + , 11 ? Fck. God Help me Please. . FML

 

[Zee33]

I'm right at a 6-7 majority of the time. When I'm actively working on a plan, that's when I'm at an 8. When I'm finalizing a plan, it's 9. I've never reached 10, because I haven't executed the plan yet. Somehow I just can't get everything I want for the final goodbye. I have requirements I guess. So a 10 for me is when I have the noose around my neck, swallowed a lethal dose of meds and I'm taking my last breath.

 

[TapeMachine]

8.5. Full of anxious energy though, because acquiring all of the necessary items is taking quite a long time.

But I guess that's a good thing; slows my impulsivity down, gives me time to make final preparations and make some final visits to a few folks I haven't seen in over a year.

But I'm also prone to procrastination and a general lack of motivation, so I imagine I'll do like I've always done: wait till the absolute last minute and rely on adrenaline to push me through my final preparations and all of that.

But I'm ready to shed this skin. I'm ready to put this frantic mind to rest once and for all.

 

[alivefornow]

Using the method another user suggested, in which 8 is extremely strong suicidal thoughts, 9 is on the way to suicide and 10 is already done the deed, I'd say I'm at a 7,5. I'm not uncontrollably suicidal, I just know I don't want to live. The emotional pain is very strong and incessant right now.

 

[noname223]

6. Horrible very fragile. Very scared of addiction. Some shit happened today and it was rather detrimental for my mental state.

Yesterday I took a half z-medication and despite that my sleep quality was poor that is pretty scary. This evening I took a benzo instead. I don't notice a huge effect but I hope it improves my sleep quality a littler bit. I sleep like 3-5 hours without the z.
Holy fucking shit. I don't want to become an addict but a mania is way worse. All options are horrendous. I consider to reduce college courses next semester this shit becomes dangerous.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

9. I'm so scared to fail the attempt that I can't get myself to do it.

 

[nyctophilic]

i think i'd rate mine 7/10

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

10++++++++

No way to Ctb

2 failed OD attempts 2022
Now watched/ gatekeeper 24/7

Trapped in a severely decrepit body more physically paralyzed every day

 

[Escapee]

10+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i can't think of anything else but suicide. god knows suicide is a sacred term for me now the no 1 thing in my life now is ending it now right at this moment if possible. but i failed with my 4th attempt lately. the best gift from any body now would be a bullet in my head while i am not watching

 

[Sargasso]

I would have done it already had I not been scared of failing the attempt and blowing my face off instead. That and the innate self-preservation present in all of us prevents me from doing it, it's a tough hurdle to get over.

 

[Huntfish34]

11. - My gun is locked and loaded...... just have to get rid of my Dumbass SI... FML.

 

[noname223]

6. I am innerly dying. I am imploding. The only shit that prevents a psychosis or mania is the addictive medication. The pressure breaks me. My friends say I should try to be satisfied with less good grades but the fucking anxiety is killing me. If I am not perfectly prepared I barely can sleep and I have the feeling currently the anxiety overwhelmes me.

The shit is insane. It is hard to take a breath. Not sure what my response should be. How much addictive medication is the right dosage. My therapists are pretty liberal. I will ruminate about it for sure.