Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[Nothing87]

10. I can kill myself anytime and I am ready to die but my responsibilities and duties are the ones keeping me alive.

 

[a.hamza.13]

8-10

 

[sometimesoon]

9

 

[underscore_nine]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

Depends on the day, at least a 6 but sometimes around a 9

 

[Tiredofit25]

6/10 on a normal day when im left alone with my music and my delusions. Goes up to 8 after many rough days in a row though, where i start to become frustrated, filled with rage and experience vivid imagery of ctb'ing horifically.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

Depends on the day, at least a 6 but sometimes around a 9

10 I've been in a major depressive episode for almost 2 years now and want to die every second of everyday.

 

[AmIForReal]

I'm at SaSu so not a one or a two. I call it 5. I'm chill but determined. Going through the options. Looking into buying stuff. I'll get there.

 

[depthss]

Like a 10 all the time now lol

 

[Emeralds]

9.

 

[noname223]

I had to search a while now to find this thread. My suicidality is currently 9. I think about killing myself tomorrow morning. Yesterday I saw all my closest friends again. I think my search for a girlfriend is utterly hopeless. I feel so broken I cannot even listen to music. I am so broken. I am lost for words. I think I cut the connection to my two closest friends. I don't want that they have to witness it. I have my SN here. I wish I could take it this evening. In the evening I am more suicidal. But I have not fasted. Let's admit it with my mental health I will never have a girlfriend. I am turning 27 soon and I am close to the half of Infinite Jest. The woman I met treated me like dirt this evening. My suicide certainly won't be an act to traumatize her. I think she will not care anyway. And I think that's better. I saw all my closest friends recently. They mean the world to me. I am so so fucking glad I met them. But I will ruin their lives. I hope my family won't be angry with me. I tried I really tried to prevent it. I feel so ashamed. I also don't want a goodbye thread. I just want to be forgotten. I am in so much pain I can't listen to music. There is void and emptiness in my head. I cry like a baby but I also feel somewhat calm. I could not have played the cards I have been dealth with better. I have the feeling I have reached my limit. I cannot stomach more of it. I read in most suicide cases there happens a narcisissistic injury to their prior attempt. And this is like the 50th time this happens. I am tired I am so so tired.

If I do it tomorrow in the morning. I asked my mom whether she is at home and she replied no. I will need determination. I don't want that this is an half-ass attempt. I want that it's over. I don't need more pain. I need peace. I deserve peace. Everyone has a limit. I have met a lot of wonderful people here who committed suicide. I don't know whether this is enouh pain to do it. To go through with it. I cannot re-think the decision once I took it. But there needs to happen something. And I already tried everything. I tried all the therapy and medication in the world. I had countless clinic stays. I don't want to live a life alone. I simply don't want to. But I am condemned for it. I was in a clinic 4 months ago and I told them I consider to kill myself in October. I thought the whole year if I kill myself then in October. It is interesting I talked with the woman I met today about God. And she believes in him. Honestly, she treated me so fucking badly. I told her I don't believe in God. I cannot believe in a God that treats the good people good and the bad people bad. I have seen too much. She is not worth to kill myself and I know that. Damn she wanted to leave her boyfriend for me. She played with me. However, I don't want revenge or anything. It was rather a thoughtless act of her. My parents have done this to me. And they will have to stomach most of the pain when they realize their child is dead. It is also no revenge on them. I simply cannot endure this anymore. I spoilered to many people that I might do it soon. I tried to prepare them. I have to think about all the good people I met on here who committed suicide. It is not an act because I was in so much love for this woman. It is rather a rational suicide. This pattern repeated countless time with women and let's be honest the desperation only grows with each new narcissistic injury.

If all my pain has told me one lesson it is hoping for the best and doing something in good faith is not a good idea. If I kill myself I have to carefully execute this plan. I have to go through with it once I took it. There is no going back once I took it then. If I take it I just cannot stop. Nothing will hurt me anymore. All the pain will stop. All this insane pain that is going on in my head since more than a decade and that will continue if I don't end it. My mom has heart problems. I don't want to witness the aftermath tbh. This one argument that stopped me thus far. But they did so fuckimg much bullshit in the past also in a very irrational manner. Why cannot I be impulsive one god damn time?

 

[coffeebeany]

8 - 10

 

[guineapiglover8503]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

today mine are a 3 or 4. Last friday they were an 8 or 9

 

[lwovely]

Yesterday my suicidal thoughts were an 8 but usually they go towards a 9 or 10. It gets really bad to the point where I get panic attacks which is why I tend to go outside. I don't feel safe at home knowing that once my thoughts linger I tend to relapse.

 

[JustAnx]

The day i found sasu it was like 8

Damn i don't know. Today i got my first thing for SN-CTB (meto) but don't intend to do it at a given date or time, and still need to get SN.
Hmmm i guess 4 or 5 ????

 

[sadnhopeless]

6/10 normally but all the stress, self-hatred, and lack of hope lately has been pushing me to a 9-10. I've kept trying to rebuild but it seems like something always gets thrown in my path that inevitably causes my mental health to tank, and I can't do this anymore.

 

[ctbsd24]

Probably like a 4 or 5. I feel alright, but am casually collecting items for my ctb method. Nothing imminent, but it's always on my mind.

 

[Emeralds]

I'm at a 7. That's still not good, but it's a lot lower than it's been in a long time.

 

[lv-nii]

7-8

 

[guitarsteve]

10', I have anhedonia/ cant feel pleasure. on top of that o have a constant sense of impending doom

ditto

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

9-10 daily for many months

 

[-nobodyknows-]

It tends to fizzle in the background (3 or 4) and then flare up to a 7 or 8 a few times a day. Sometimes it does go into the 9/10 territory

 

[ladylazarus4]

Right now, honestly like a 2-3. I'm feeling pretty good. If I was dying, I'd embrace it but I have no desire right now to do anything about it. It's typically a 4-5 and when I feel like I've failed it becomes an 8-9. To me, 4-5 is when I have the thoughts but they're logical and without strong emotion. I constantly think about dying but I'm not usually frantic and distressed.

 

[Surai]

8, Ill wait until I get the strength to throw myself off the mountain so that I may find peace, unless an angel intercedes but I'm nothing special

 

[everydaythesame]

10 at this moment.

 

[etherealspring]

i guess 10, maybe? i nearly attempted to hang myself from a tree just a few hrs ago but freaked out last minute. it's not the first time that's happened either. or maybe 9 bc ive never fully followed through on an attempt. ive tried partial multiple times too but i cant get it right so its not for me. idk what counts as an attempt but for what it's worth ive never injured myself. ig that's SI for ya im just waiting to leave but it'll never happen bc i always hesitate too much

 

[torchaz]

Mornings start with a 5 and end with a 10. like right now.

 

[JustAnx]

Today i'm at 4-5 again i would say.

The thing is that i'm very afraid/scared/anxious about ctb. And i think my SI kicks in inside my head and tries to make me wanna accept/cope with my existance and short comings. Plus i take my antidepressant everyday. This is kinda of an irony? Idk

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Yesterday, for most of the day, maybe a 5, but today probably a 6 or 7

 

[let.me.let.go87]

7-8 but as far as anyone knows I'm doing well. I am masking my symptoms:/

 

[ctb2soble]

I'm currently at a strong 8. I've been writing a suicide note to my parents in my head all afternoon and daydreaming about slicing my femoral artery.

 

[Flippintogo]

I'm at a 7-8 now. Sometimes it hits 10