Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[Squiddy]

7. Not as high a number today. Thankfully I had weed and Ativan to calm me down yesterday. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now

 

[nightnightnitrite]

4. I'm feeling too tired and lazy to even think about attempting anything today.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

Running a 3 or 4 currently, but that is because my mind has been occupied at work all day. The evening and weekends are the bad times for me. Without work stuff to focus on, if I can't keep my mind busy with reading, writing or watching TV, then I start spiraling and that is when my number starts climbing closer to 10.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Around 6-7. Though my emotions and body is numb so maybe because of that. Still there were some moments of a hard 10.

 

[noname223]

6,5. Mixed manic-depressed state. Cannot sleep anymore without prescribed addictive medication. I want to fucking kill myself. Texted my mom that she destroyed my life. She just does not care. Fuck her. I hope she breaks when I ctb. She has done this to me.

 

[Lullaby]

7/8. Just feeling very defeated and tired. I kind of snapped today and punched my door because I was so overwhelmed and upset.

Every day there's a new problem for me to deal with, or someone getting frustrated with me…I'm trying my best but this is too much. I just really want to go.

 

[Circles]

A 9. I feel so lost and don't know what to do anymore or if recovery is even worth it.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

8.

 

[noname223]

Crying again. Emotional chaos. I despise myself. I insulted my mom yesterday as good as possible. I told her her abuse is the reason why I will be forced to commit suicide. The worst thing for her is that I will be dependent on welfare. My mom and the her family was always concerned about money.

The real reason why I am so hurt are these: I might/probably have to leave college. It makes me so manic. I am so desperate.

The other reason: my illness probably has once again destoyed my opportunity for a girlfriend.

Suicide is in my case only a matter of time. There will be no miracle. I am so thankfully that I can write in this forum. It shows me that I am not the only one who got abused etc. and now has to live or die with the consequences.

I think I am on the edge of a Z-medication addiction. My therapist today told me I should try it for some more weeks. Though I more or less need it every single day to sleep.

Again listening to sad music

Sorry forgot the number it is like a 6.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

9. I don't see a romantic future for myself nor do i believe it is something that could save me (it isn't the reason I want to CTB, but it just proves how hopeless things are) so I am about ready to CTB. I just want to try to make it through mother's day.

 

[nixdeath]

7, usually a 9 but I'm feeling better than usual right now.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

Last night before bed, I had spiked to an 8 - gritting my teeth to keep from crying again (my husband just does not understand that he cannot "fix" me).
Surprisingly, I'm currently back down to a 3 or so.

 

[Squiddy]

7.5. Woke up a few minutes ago disappointed I woke up. Idk if I can recover with my cognitive issues. My neurologist rescheduled my appointment a month from now which sucks so I don't know what is really causing these issues. Ctb sounds better and better everyday. Lithium is starting not to work for me anymore and I feel myself inching closer and closer to just doing it

 

[Sakura94]

I was 9 last night. Today it's gone down to 5-6 cause I woke up with less aches and looked at myself in mirror and I looked slightly more ok than last time. So I'm stable now just going to keep posting here until it gets to a 4.
I get like this once a month.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

9. Deliberately exposing myself to my triggers, and thinking about making plans for the future makes me sick and feels wrong. I feel my journey is coming to an end real soon (not trying to be dramatic).

 

[Releasefrompressure]

Waking up is the worse for me feel angry and want to go first thing in the morning.

I am dying today but i feel like a 6/10

 

[Idontmatter]

10

 

[S like suicide]

10 i feel very highly suicidal and i have difficulty in breathing for anxiety

 

[noname223]

6,5. Not sure whether this is a new beginning of a major depression. I have many ideas how to kill myself in my mind. Not really determined to act on it. Though I feel really impulsive. Thought a lot about jumping in front of a train today when I was at the train station.

Listening to sad music all the time. Mostly of dead artists. I want to be just like them simply dead.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

Up to a 6 currently and know that it will climb. The weekends are the worst for me. Work is good for occupying my mind during the week, but that isn't there on the weekends. Sometimes I can mange to lose myself in online activities, so we'll see.

 

[Danjor88]

I'd not been feeling too bad for last few weeks but now am really depressed and just don't want to be here any more. I too am disappointed every morning I wake up.

 

[Tartuffe]

right now, 9-10

 

[Sleeper System]

Conservative 6 out of 10.

Work kept me distracted for awhile.
When I'm home and alone and thinking about how my life is going no where
and how I am broke and how my family is broke and how there is no future...

Then I'm a solid 10 and ready to check out on the spot.

 

[allesistgut]

10

 

[Nolan96]

7. I desperately want to die but every avenue to death does still seem worse than living. Not that I'm afraid of the pain. At this point SI couldn't even stop me from jumping in front of a train. I can't get over how unfair it is that the only way I can stop the pain is by dying and I wish so badly some other way would miraculously appear. I hate being alive so much but I don't have any kind of romance around death either. Death is fucking awful too. I'm just so miserable.

 

[noname223]

6,5. I am getting really depressive in the evening. I am not sure but all the sad songs which I listen to talk about love. Which does not really alleviate my pain. But the songs are quite good.

 

[Squiddy]

7. Going to be starting a new position at my job tonight stocking. The hours suck, but at least I won't have to deal with customers very long. One customer gave me a review and said I acted like I was high (I wasn't, just my cognitive issues). I feel like that's one of the only jobs I can do currently until I can get to the cause of the issues (speaking of which I fucked up the other day in my forgetfulness as I forgot to put on my car's gas top and I was about to drive off. Luckily someone saw and told me, but I hate how forgetful it makes me)

 

[allesistgut]

10 again, i just want it to be over already.

 

[Lullaby]

9.

Not even sure what I'm waiting for at this point. Horrible to say but I wish my dad weren't here so I could just end things, I wouldn't have to worry about hurting him. Otherwise I could do this. I'm being taken advantage of by everyone else in my life, things are falling apart, I have little hope left currently and none when I think about my future. I'm over this. I haven't eaten in two days, I can't stop crying, can't stop ruminating, can barely sleep.

All I can do right now is hope I don't wake up tomorrow.

 

[Treeline589]

9