Random thoughts

[Worthless_nobody]

I have not self harmed in a while but after the news I got couple days ago I could withstand. Now my arms are covered in burns and I chopped pieces of my hair off to burn too. I hate life.

 

[make_00]

when I was 17 years old I had to go to the emergency because of an OD + attempt
the nurse who was around when I was getting EKG stickers put on was looking at my arms (severely mutilated) and asked me "...but doesn't it hurt?"
I paused for a second (I don't think I'll ever be able to find the words to explain the calm I felt in that moment) when I replied "what's in the head hurts worse"

she never said anything back... but I feel like I managed to put something into words for myself that day too?

 

[Georgii]

I can't sleep ..
... thousands of thoughts race thru my mind . Yet I can't seem to focus on one , my mind switches from that to that as if to protect me from going into to deep .I despise the silence , I loath the time I'm alone with my thoughts .
Still , I crave it .I yearn for a moment of silence , for a moment alone to "recharge" but then it hits me , no , not "hits me " but rather it creeps up on me .Like a shadow from the dark slowly getting ready to corrupt my mind once again .I try to fight it , I do ..it's rough ..sometimes I give up .Falling asleep with the same words , same images in my mind .
It's rather funny and ironic how some things don't move me anymore , sure I am aware of them but somehow ...I've become ..used to them .Used to being useless ..used to being pathetic ..it's only later that they affect me ..when I'm alone even for a moment .They stay at the back of my mind and then they creep out slowy crushing me down .I continue to contradict myself sometimes ..I am well aware of that .. Sometime I break down from the goddamn silliest things ..then I feel even more idiotic for that .
Sometimes I just sigh , sometimes I scream internally and sometimes I laugh .
Most of the time I find my words useless so I stay quiet .
Sometimes I remain lucid , calm when in face of rage .Trying to see the logic side of things ..trying to considerate everything .
But in the end .. it always creeps back on me .. it's slowly eating me alive and I don't even know why or how long I can keep it up .
Another silent night I guess.

 

[XYZ]

Why is it so hard to live? Why can't I be like everyone else? Why can't I find some happiness in this world, just a little? Why is this world so fucked up? Why am I so sad all the time? Why do I want to die despite my best efforts to live. Why? Why? Why?

 

[ForensicallyAware]

Everything steadily gets worse

But don't complain
Don't be human
Just keep upright, proud of how much you can take

 

[KleinerWolf]

Born in China?
Chinese passport?
FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!

 

[Lorntroubles]

Weirdly calm about ctb. Am I some strange being???

 

[Circles]

Besides the fact that most restaurants have gone to shit, pizza restaurants have most especially gone to shit as they put so grease in the pizza it's like eating laxatives.

 

[so tired or manic]

the start date of this thread is my birthday. I've always hated it, but I don't expect the rush of emotions I get just from seeing the date. maybe I need to give myself a new holiday, but what would be worth celebrating each year?

 

[kinzokukae]

I've noticed a pattern whenever someone makes a post about life being boring is that when people agree that life is boring the discussion somehow ends. I wonder why, I guess all parties involved don't know what more to say or like it's boring talking about something boring? For such an encompassing emotion that pervades my life especially how it's one of my reasons why I want to ctb, I wish there was more to be said like it needs clarification.

i have plenty to say about this topic and more if you want someone to have a discussion with (:

 

[Lorntroubles]

I'm tired of livING this fuckING life!

 

[kinzokukae]

i can't make it past august

 

[Woodnote]

Why am I still here..

 

[WOODESITY]

I'm Back in reality and contemplating stupidity of continuing my life for no good reason, I have to just get rid of myself, this life is very suffer inflicting thing, it never stops testing living organisms, more i live worse it gets, exiting this existence seems to me only solution for ending suffering, as long I'm conscious there will always be suffering, i just hope for day when I've enough courage to just end my life. Looking at myself lately makes me feel awful, oh just fuck my existence

 

[Morphinekiss]

Pretty sure I have the covid.

 

[Lorntroubles]

Blelelele

I iz snek.

 

[KleinerWolf]

The day will come when I become so desperate that I impulsively commits suicide.
I'd be so fucking sorry for myself for not having achieved the things I've always wanted to achieve.
Life is a fucking joke and I'm not impressed!

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Come on life can I just PLEASE have one good thing happen to me?? I'm so over this bs

 

[make_00]

the first thing I thought of when covid became a genuine problem was I wonder if I can catch it somehow and die from it so I don't have to exit in a way that I will be remembered as 'the-person-that-died-by-suicide'

the only issue is the high risk of exposing other people, especially my family, to it. I would never do that. if only I could live alone or something and be reckless with my outside surroundings and then hole myself up.

 

[NoGlorySoul]

Time is concept for physical things. Thus, so, if soul exists will they be there for eternity?
NOTE: An atheist though but if in case the hypothesis about soul is not rejected

 

[KleinerWolf]

If human consciousness lives on beyond death,
How come most people cannot recall their previous life?

And what's the meaning behind creator making everyone suffer
if previous lives and its sufferings cannot be remembered
in order to serve the purpose of reflection/learning/progression?

What if humans are just chimpanzees that developed consciousness due to a mere coincidence and that complex reasoning only cause us to feel more troubled and trapped because of things we cannot explain/hard to change?

 

[kinzokukae]

i want to see the stars. maybe i'll be part of them someday

 

[NoGlorySoul]

If human consciousness lives on beyond death,
How come most people cannot recall their previous life?

And what's the meaning behind creator making everyone suffer
if previous lives and its sufferings cannot be remembered
in order to serve the purpose of reflection/learning/progression?

Will try to answer using science and mysticism, a little I learned about, see consciousness is result of brain or to be more general memory. There is two ways human life can have memory, brain and DNA. So, after life there is attachment of neither of them to what is called soul, hence previous life cannot be recalled. To answer how does soul get one body religion which I was preached about or at least they tried so, it said, the creator's assistant keeps log of everyone's karma and suitably it plays out. Though, I don't believe it totally but believe in karma so feel actually all choices we make are result of karma like say it is all scripted. Thus, we all are objects filling up canvas of universe.

What if humans are just chimpanzees that developed consciousness due to a mere coincidence and that complex reasoning only cause us to feel more troubled and trapped because of things we cannot explain/hard to change?

Don't know much about it, but have an interesting fact chimpanzee's DNA differs from ours by 1.23% [Heard it somewhere not cross refrenced with any research article tho]

 

[Jeff_The_Cursed]

I am becoming more and more serious about my suicide, but will hold off until I get my $1200.00 stimulus check, to pay for my cremation and burial.

 

[Woodnote]

I think it's almost my time..

 

[Philosykos]

This is stupid. This is weird. This is just... another symptom of my impending insanity I guess. But whenever I watch and/or listen to Liv Tyler, I feel extraordinarily calm. I have downloaded her Architecutral Digest and Vogue Skincare Routine videos in mp3 format and just listen to them whenever I feel particularly anxious and I'll feel at peace. It's as though her very being is my Grey Havens and her voice is my ship to Valinor.

 

[Nymph]

Spending too much time here lol, reading all new posts

 

[Nymph]

Wish I could ctb with someone a person that feels the same or with a friend or something. Maybe while hugging and with each other's support. I've always been a loner and I don't have close friends or a partner.

 

[toms_space_station]

My head:

What is wrong with you?
You're alright.
Be cool, be cool.
You're an idiot!
Piece of s**t.
Why do you treat yourself that way?
Why would you put your family through this?
You are young and healthy.
What is wrong with you?

It is an endless cycle

 

[Lorntroubles]

Thinking about random memories in my life. Like the time when I went to a Steve Aoki show and some guy jumped on the staged and mooned the whole crowd. LMFAO what a trip!