Random thoughts

[AnxietyAttack44]

I need to find a happy juice to replace my angry juice, as this one makes me too angry.

Edit:
I found a cure to my morning anxiety attacks. They cant attack you if you get drunk in 7am. If you drink enough you dont even get angry as long as nobody barks at you for too long. I mean dogs. Not ppl. Ppl barking would be funny to see again though.

 

[FusRohDracarys]

Laying in total darkness and listening to music is honestly one of the most blissful experiences about existence. I hope my final moments will be spent in such tranquility.

 

[woxihuanni]

I wish there was a compulsory class in high school that drove it into people's heads that if you try to push somebody who is driven to suicide to ignore their needs, you make them more prone to suicide.

 

[Alec]

It was nice to meet all of you,i'm leaving someone made a word game and said they copy and pasted it from somewhere else,so i went looking for it,i found it and copied a different game from there,and now someone is bullying me about it,
i sent them a pm to explain but they won't answer,i asked in a thread for them to pm me but they said no and in the thread i said i sent them a pm but they wont answer me.I don't know what i have done wrong,but i go here to get away from my problems not to have more problems.It was the first time in weeks i had fun,thank you to all the people that played word games with me.

I'm so sorry you got treated this way, you DIDN'T DESERVE IT!!!

 

[ForensicallyAware]

 

[Worthless_nobody]

"What's gone wrong, I can't see straight
Been too long, so full of hate"

 

[Georgii]

Its scary how one sentence can change our complete view of a person .

 

[Woodnote]

Will the pain ever go away..

 

[262653]

If you get payed to perform an activity, that's work. If you pay to perform an activity that you like, that's hobby. But how would you call it if you pay to perform an activity that you don't like?

 

[Worthless_nobody]

"Innocence spins cold cocoon
Grow to see the pain too soon
Why's it have to be this way"...
Every AIC song has such relatable lyrics

 

[ArtySchopenhauer]

"Down in a hole, feelin' so small
Down in a hole, losin' my soul
I'd like to fly, but my wings have been so denied."

Smashing pumpkins have some good ones to: "I wanted more than life could ever grant me."

 

[Lorntroubles]

So, so, sad. There is nothing to live for anymore. I've survived for several years in agony but this must end. I'm sick of it.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I wanted to live.... but I cannot accept my circumstances. Ctb thoughts keep pulling me back in...the old familiar friend of darkness and despair. And I just sit and wait till I can do it.

 

[TheSoulless]

I like to write songs sometimes. Then I stop because there's no point since I will ctb anyway.

"Innocence spins cold cocoon
Grow to see the pain too soon
Why's it have to be this way"...
Every AIC song has such relatable lyrics

"Down in a hole, feelin' so small
Down in a hole, losin' my soul
I'd like to fly, but my wings have been so denied."

Smashing pumpkins have some good ones to: "I wanted more than life could ever grant me."

Alice in Chains is always nice to listen to.

 

[kinzokukae]

i'm always so fucking bored i fucking hate it

 

[Morphinekiss]

It took 30 seconds from the time of injection until her heart stopped. Part of me died with her.

 

[Alucard]

Li(f)e.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I hate my abusive narcissistic sociopath ex. It's so unfair an innocent person like myself has to ctb but he just keeps on getting and getting. Life is bullshit that a physically and mentally abusive rapist gets to live and I have to ctb.

 

[Georgii]

I wish I could keep a conversation easier and my brain wouldn't lag every 2 seconds bc I'm not sure what I have just said/written is okay or if I expressed myself good enough to be understood.

 

[TheSoulless]

I wish I could keep a conversation easier and my brain wouldn't lag every 2 seconds bc I'm not sure what I have just said/written is okay or if I expressed myself good enough to be understood.

I feel that.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I want to ctb tonight so bad..I'm ready I have method and all. I'm just writing this here because I dont want to make thread (this is Not a goodbye, mods please don't ban me im just venting). I'm only not ctb because of my mom. It will kill her too. I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Im only living for her. I know some people will say I should stay alive for my mom but my life has been terrible and I just can't take anymore. I just got more news that pushed me over the edge. I have been suicidal since 14 (I'm late 20s now) so this isn't impulse. Life just beats me down at every turn. I *almost* made it...I was almost happy but life beat me down AGAIN.

I have been mentally, physically and sexually abused by a sociopath ex bf, I held my dead baby in my hands she died before birth (no I don't want any kids, I was raped by sociopath ex is why I ever would have had her, I didn't just didn't have the heart to have abortion). Another one of my ex's (my ex fiance passed away tragically), I have been homeless, I have terrible PTSD, Asperger's, bpd, back pain, and injury's from abuse, horrible insomnia, tinnitus, IBS, I was made fun of in school so I started off on wrong path....I'm just DONE....but I just feel so bad for my mom. She has done everything she can. I love her so much I just can't believe I'm going to do this to her. Ill give it a bit more time but if things don't turn around fast I think it's my time soon. I'll make a goodbye thread when and if I decide I will.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Last night I went in to a field outside of my town to go see Neowise. It was so blissful listening to music with not a soul around. I love stargazing it really puts the mind at rest for me.

 

[omoidarui]

my brother-in-law gave me a lesson this evening on how to use the telescope (for the comet) bles him

 

[Circles]

I've noticed a pattern whenever someone makes a post about life being boring is that when people agree that life is boring the discussion somehow ends. I wonder why, I guess all parties involved don't know what more to say or like it's boring talking about something boring? For such an encompassing emotion that pervades my life especially how it's one of my reasons why I want to ctb, I wish there was more to be said like it needs clarification.

 

[262653]

I don't know if I should make a post because things I say are suicide-related, isn't random thoughts is too broad from that? Nevermind.

I saw life being compared to an abusive relationship several times but I think it looks more like growing in a toxic family. Unrealistic expectations are put for a child, (find and prepare food, maintain hygiene, seek for someone to fuck, finding and doing a job (seriously, fuck work) dealing with people who impede your progress of acquiring these things) and when the child doesn't meet those, punishment is applied (pain). Nature doesn't give a shit if the individual is capable of meeting the expectations. Put a human in a cage with no provision for a few days and it will still experience hunger and thirst. "I don't give a shit how you will do it, but if you won't, you will feel pain that will gradually increase in magnitude."

Sometimes nature also puts conflicting expectations, like making... WAIT. Am I whining right now? Because I have whined all my life and I'm still alive. I've noticed it's quite automatic for me. How does the whining serve me, or you? Am I not wasting my energy by whining about things when it could be spend on planning and executing a suicide?.. Oftentimes in goodbye posts I see people "being sorry for them to end up here (offing themselves)". Are they joking? It's the greatest of transformations I can realistically hope for. It's pretty fucking great when considering the alternatives. Or maybe they say it for other reasons, like maintaining the image of a caring person?

 

[262653]

Why is one of the processes of taking SN is called 48h regimen when it actually takes 40h?

 

[KleinerWolf]

Craving Australian BOOST JUICE
especially King William chocolate flavor lol
the best smoothie I ever had my entire fucking life.

Goddamnit I miss Australia:(
Last time I was there was 4 years ago.

 

[ForensicallyAware]

Had a weird dream last night
Satan took me for a quick walk through hell , the sensation was unlike any feeling I have ever experienced, pure fear misery and despair , but somehow thrilling
He told me I must serve him or spend eternity in hell

Makes me wonder if society is full of secret satanists , who have surrendered their souls in exchange for wealth and success

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Well life did it again... As always I'm forbidden from being happy. I guess I was marked for suffering and intended to be obsolete. I can't believe 1000 dollars stood in my way....I hope they are happy....this just pushed me over the edge.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

There is only 60% of being picked for a lobecotomy. Not liking these numbers.

Had a weird dream last night
Satan took me for a quick walk through hell , the sensation was unlike any feeling I have ever experienced, pure fear misery and despair , but somehow thrilling
He told me I must serve him or spend eternity in hell

Makes me wonder if society is full of secret satanists , who have surrendered their souls in exchange for wealth and success

You know, if you take a peek into the Bible, you'd notice an abundant lack of Satan. He's mentioned two or three times, I think. If anybody is to blame here, it's God. Satanists are surprisingly chill and nice people.