Random thoughts

[sadgirl2002]

Happy Birthday my Darling. You don't know that I know it's your birthday today. You're 22 today and I'll be turning 21 on Sunday. Where did all of the time go? I wish I knew how you're doing, life is lonesome without you. I want nothing but happiness for you. I miss you so much. Maybe you'll come back to me this year, I can only hope so. I will always love you, half a world away. I'm waiting for you.

 

[Midnight]

Thid covid-19 shit is making my life even worse/more lonely. There are no words to describe how done i am with this life.

 

[Life sucks]

All roads leads to antinatalism

 

[nerve]

It's 5:30am. I'm tired and sore after a difficult night, but the thought of trying to be alone in the dark with my thoughts long enough to fall asleep is too horrifying right now. This entire day has been difficult enough already. I don't need to have another breakdown.

I came across one of those totally innocuous, mundane things that just triggers me so much, over and over until i want to just vibrate out of my skin. I'm starting to get upset again thinking about it now. My heart's pounding. I'm home alone all day again.

 

[Oyoy]

The word Pallendrom should be a Pallendrom. Pallendromordnellep is what it should be

 

[BabyYoda]

For some reason, I become depressed at around 8:45PM to 10:00PM. I'm usually watching anime or playing some game during that time. Nothing really out of the blue.

 

[mesohappy]

Maybe stop watching anime or playing some game around that time? Lotta kids sitting in front of a glowing screen,and I know that comforting feeling.For an instant..

 

[nerve]

I've been having some really vivid dreams on my new medication. Last night I dreamt I was mixing SN and then had another one where I found like 10 kittens in my garage. Life and death.

 

[Kassender]

When you realize you will survive the pandemic and go on with your shitty existence

 

[ForensicallyAware]

Does it really matter if you live or die?

 

[Epsilon0]

Does it really matter if you live or die?

In the grand scheme or things, no. But it surely matters for those who care about us.

 

[departing]

Time is the enemy... I have too much of it on my hands.

 

[BabyYoda]

I need to seriously take care of myself for today.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

It's so confusing how we just are randomly attracted to people both as friends and romantically. What makes us attracted to certain people? It's so strange if you really think about it. You just choose that you want to talk with and hangout with this one specific person because you "like them" but why?

 

[sadgirl2002]

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm so miserable, like I've been for every single birthday in my entire life, so it's no surprise.

 

[RM5998]

It's so confusing how we just are randomly attracted to people both as friends and romantically. What makes us attracted to certain people? It's so strange if you really think about it. You just choose that you want to talk with and hangout with this one specific person because you "like them" but why?

I've spent way too much time thinking about this myself. Especially after coming to terms with being ace.

 

[waived]

I have to get up to get the power cord but isn't it good enough to have been able to.

 

[BabyYoda]

It's so confusing how we just are randomly attracted to people both as friends and romantically. What makes us attracted to certain people? It's so strange if you really think about it. You just choose that you want to talk with and hangout with this one specific person because you "like them" but why?

Was thinking the same thing.

In my case this person is a really good listener and he is able to tolerate my annoying attitude. He never yells at me during an argument. Always rational and responsible.

 

[mesohappy]

How is this thread not "stickied" already? Sticky icky icky.

 

[mesohappy]

If I go out to eat alone,but no one see's me there,did I really go out to eat?

 

[BabyYoda]

Watching slice of life anime focusing on developing friendships helps me cope with my suicidal thoughts. Helps me cope with this sickening loneliness. Feels like I don't really have "real" friends in real life. Once I began to realize how lonely I was that's when I wanted to CTB even if it's not the best option. CTB is not the answer, I know, and I'm still too young. But I need to keep on filling this emptiness until I cannot anymore. If I lack deep social connections then what is the point in living?

I don't have the will to live anymore, but I don't want to die just yet. I still have other things to do. It's too early. It's scary when the only accessible method for me is a knife. I cannot stab myself, too painful. Hospitals are full so that means I can't be admitted when I end up injured after a failed attempt.

Ok friendships take time to develop but I want to CTB. I can't even do stuff like my homework during this quarantine because what the fuck is the point in doing it if I don't have the will to live anymore. I don't have a purpose so why? Just leave me to die............then I'll be happy.................

Why can't we substitute human connections with material goods? I mean why???????? The world is too cruel to even provide us with what we need???????????????? WHY?????????????? People desire for money fame fortune popularity because THEY KNOW THAT REAL HUMAN CONNECTIONS ARE TOO DIFFICULT TO ACQUIRE and you know this suicide prevention bullshit is so bullshit that people would rather let you suffer in life than die in peace................FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ok now to take my antidepressant which is anime

 

[throwaway123]

death is the only way out of this misery. People say no excuses but willpower alone isnt going to do shit. You need the right environment, good genetics and good people around you. Maybe you have just one of those things but I have none of those things. Just like the majority of people here. Ask yourself how bad it has to be for someone to consider ending their life. Yes very bad. Sometimes there is no way out and no matter what the fuck people tell you. There is no god or higher spiritual power here to save us. Where is your God right now? It's all just in your fucking minds people. Get over it. This planet is doomed.

 

[262653]

How is this thread not "stickied" already? Sticky icky icky.

I like this thread. No need to stay on topic because there's no definite topic. Freedom, hooray! *claps cheerfully"

 

[Circles]

I wasted close to 2 years of my pathetic life on this site talking and caring for people I'll never fucking meet nor never actually know. I wasted my dogs last year alive being on here spending time with people who eventually ignore me over petty fucking reasons when I should've spent my fucking worthless time with her. But NOPE can't turn back now. Fuck my stupid goddamn self and quite frankly fuck some of y'all too.

 

[departing]

When does it end?

 

[UninformedLover]

I'm scared I'm going to end up with serve nerve damage one day. I just cut my wrist and my hand is numb now. The numbness is creeping up my arm too. I don't want to go to the doctor because I'm nervous i might end up hospitalized some how. The cuts are not even deep so I don't even know what's going on. Going to the emergency room is not warranted either.

 

[262653]

How come healthcare professionals aren't called life enforcement workers?

 

[waived]

There's a draft that's saved in this thread for me and it just says 'xxtra flaming hot cheetos'.

 

[Zer0]

Why do i feel so repleceable?

 

[WOODESITY]

Just thinking about how we feel and experience ourselves feels like unnecessary, i don't wanna be obsessed or attached on anything or anyone, it's just so hard to completely isolate myself,

thinking about i could possibly collect some money and resources and move somwhere far from society, completely isolate myself, 2 years should be enough for me to somehow ctb. No family, no friends, no internet, no money, this environment of modern life and seeing people actually makes me ill, it's like I'm not connected to them anymore, almost every conversation and greetings etc.. Feels like I'm faking it for others and I'm so tired of it

I could just survive fishing and growing some stuff by myself for awhile and when time feels right at night I'll just die by hypothermia in my sleep.
I can never find peace in this life but i can definitely prepare myself for it by disconnecting entirely from society, hopefully my mind will get little rest i guess then I'll somehow ctb