Random thoughts

[the box is empty]

The last thing that I needed was to lose an hour of sleep for Daylight Savings Time. I've already been running on fumes.

Tell me about it. There's been a lot of studies showing there's more cons than pros to maintaining DST and they keep talking about dropping it all together where I live, yet here I am with one less hour of sleep as well.

 

[mesohappy]

Sundays are my holiday..At least where I live.They are not a formal holiday,where family will force themselves on you,or you have to travel to see them.Sundays are mine personally.Quiet early morning,walk to the corner store,buy some bacon,sausage,eggs and bread for toast.Hopefully the sun is rising on the horizon.Some pretty clouds for contrast.Maybe a light breeze blowing.

The tweekers and thieves are hopefully coming down,paranoid and scared to come out,violent alcoholics,"sleeping it off".Bill collectors are "feelin theirselves home with the family".I want to go to church more..I want some positive shit in my life.

 

[departing]

Tell me about it. There's been a lot of studies showing there's more cons than pros to maintaining DST and they keep talking about dropping it all together where I live, yet here I am with one less hour of sleep as well.

They've been talking about dropping it here, too... But that's all they do.... talk about it. The conversation restarts twice a year with each time change... but nobody bothers to actually do anything to change it.

 

[nerve]

I wish I was ready to ctb

 

[sadgirl2002]

Why do I keep torturing myself with hope over and over again? I just end up disappointed and I fall into despair...

 

[Margimet]

I need to stop being romantic and dream that someday I will be saved from my meaningless and empty life.
Why would anyone choose me? There are countless better women than me.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I need to stop being romantic and dream that someday I will be saved from my meaningless and empty life.
Why would anyone choose me? There are countless better women than me.

I tell myself the same thing and I feel like that too, even though I'm an idiot to still think that I will be saved by him. I do hope you will be saved. All I do is belittle myself, constantly.

 

[RM5998]

Before i started university i thought it would somehow cure me, like starting a whole different life would erase everything in my head, but it didn't. i guess theirs this pressure that university is meant to be the best time of your life and its just not. i had all these high expectations of my self, i thought i would make loads of friends, go to all my lectures, pass everything with high marks, go out all the time, there were loads of trips that i really wanted to go on.
But the reality is so far from that, im in an even worse place then before i started university, and its hard to come to terms with.
I was bullied by my flat mates all through 1st year, ive never made any friends, my attendance at lectures have been terrible and i haven't been to one since September, ive managed to pass everything but 2 modules that meant i had to retake a year, although other than that my grades are pretty average, ive been on no trips which honestly is the most annoying because i was excited for some of them before i even started there and my mental health means i just couldn't bring myself to go on any of them for the whole 4 years ive been there.
I only applied for DSA this year which means i now get a support worker to help me through this year which is my last, but because hes the only support i have for my mental health, graduating now scares me because i'll also loose my only support. I cant picture myself being able to work after university because i just feel so bad, i feel like my life is falling apart around me.
I feel like i failed, it was supposed to go so well.

Can relate, my four years at uni have been a sinkhole. I can't remember most of them now. I've mostly been alone for the most part, the guy people remember because it's convenient to do so. To which I say - Hey, at least I'm not entirely useless. It's shocking, how much you get just for breathing.
I fortunately never failed a course, but I went from having a GPA of about 8.65 in my first semester to about 3.48 in my 5th. Overall, I've managed to stay over 6, so I managed to qualify for interviews and get a job. Time for feeling like an impostor at the workplace a few months from now.

I'd probably complain about it in my diary, and if that wouldn't alleviate unpleasant feelings well enough, I'd try distractions like videogames, music and "meditation".
Quotation marks on the last one because it means to observe carefully which could be interpreted as the opposite of ignore/distract. But I guess we can observe one things while ignoring the others.

I can't think straight enough to maintain a diary, and my laptop's GPU went bust so games aren't an option. Music isn't working, and meditation doesn't seem possible because again, I can't think coherent thoughts. The gunk in my skull isn't under my control.
Just to be clear, I'm not trying to discredit what you suggested - it does sound like a good toolkit. I don't think I'm in a position to use it now.

 

[262653]

If SS user named "You and You" would give someone Like, then it would look as if you gave your Like already. And when you add the Like yourself, it will look like
"Liked by You, You and You".

I can't think straight enough to maintain a diary, and my laptop's GPU went bust so games aren't an option. Music isn't working, and meditation doesn't seem possible because again, I can't think coherent thoughts. The gunk in my skull isn't under my control.
Just to be clear, I'm not trying to discredit what you suggested - it does sound like a good toolkit. I don't think I'm in a position to use it now.

Eh, it's fine. I might feel you on the gunk part. One popular guy said something like "the feeling of control rises from being aware of the act but unaware of its cause", and it sounds intuitively convincing to me, maybe because I believe in causality.

But anyway, about diary. It doesn't have to look like a canonical book of essays (lengthy, well written, arranged and other good looking stuff). I write things that bother me, usually in simple sentences. My memory is not reliable enough and I keep forgetting things, but I can return to them because I wrote them down already. I think about the diary as an extension of memory. It allows to recall things that were deemed worthy of being written down, and process them (observe emotional reactions, associations, applying logic and making inferences, and other stuff).

But maybe by thinking straight enough you meant that you are having difficulties putting your experience into words. I don't know what would I do then.

 

[RM5998]

But maybe by thinking straight enough you meant that you are having difficulties putting your experience into words. I don't know what would I do then.

That's pretty much it. I'm pretty useless at processing my thoughts into some comprehensible form. Writing anything whatsoever means going to a lengthy revision process, whether the thing at the end looks nothing like the first thing I write. Repeatedly asking myself, "Is this what you should say?" and giving up halfway through multiple times.

But I can relate to the unreliable memory aspect you mentioned. I keep forgetting things - I recently realized that I don't remember anything from my second year of college. But then again, I'm certain nothing of note happened, so... yeah.

 

[the box is empty]

Since I've been researching a lot into SN, google analytics has been flashing me ads regarding herbal remedies and other homeopathic treatments. I think it's because it's been thinking that I plan to cure meat lol. I found that amusing.

 

[mattwitt]

It's here.

 

[omoidarui]

if i see 1 more post that says "this is a pro-choice forum, not a pro-suicide forum." goddam

its true but its been said 1477489426 times already

 

[262653]

Pleasure and pain are like WWE wrestlers. They appear to oppose each other but they actually dance with each other. They put a play for the audience and then share the profits behind the scenes.

 

[mattwitt]

Corona Virus is getting real. Shit is about to hit the floor BIG TIME !!!

 

[Lethe]

Conspiracy theory: Coronavirus is God's way of getting the boomers to finally die.

(don't take this post seriously in any way)

 

[RM5998]

Went for my first therapy session today. At least they didn't just tell me to 'think positive thoughts'. Or regard my asexuality as a joke. So... Yay? They did tell me to contact them when I have self-harming impulses, and I don't know what to do about that... I've been suppressing that desire for about half a day now.

I've been feeling really conflicted ever since the session ended... And that's a recipe for disaster. I'm waiting for something to go horribly wrong to get the daily dose of shitty thoughts.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Today seems to be a bad day for gambling.

 

[Inferdan]

If I was a duck, quack.

Yes, I feel that bad right now.

 

[Esc9434]

How to use the coronavirus as a romantic gesture:

If someone you really like is sick, but undiagnosed, then tell them how much you like them, rub their hands, touch their face, go in for the kiss, and then tell them "we are going to beat this thing together".

Notice how many chances you are giving them to pull away from you.

You are welcome.

 

[faraway_beach]

One of my mother's hippie books from the '60s predicted that, in the future, the great powers would compete for prestige and influence by building water desalinization and purification plants for their client states, instead of selling them weapons. Imagine what the world would be like today if we'd had a 50-year "arms race" in tech that actually benefited people.

Edit: a phrase

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Today seems to compensate for yesterday: good day for gambling, if in short bursts.

One of my mother's hippie books from the '60s predicted that, in the future, the great powers would compete for prestige and influence by building water desalinization and purification plants for their client states, instead of selling them weapons. Imagine what the world would be like today if we'd had a 50-year "arms race" in tech that actually benefited people.

Edit: a phrase

I imagine China would fuck it up somehow and some sort of futuristic Donald Trump would actually try to weaponize it.

 

[WOODESITY]

Today I'll just stay home, smoke weed drink beer and contemplate my death, sounds better then going to work to me, just thinking about work and money right now makes me sick. Top of that dealing with people all day long (I'm uber eats on bike). So fuck that all today. Cheers everybody, big fuck to work again!!

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Turns out today is not a good day for gambling after all!

 

[RM5998]

My uni is closing down as a precaution against Covid-19. I don't want to go back home with this many fresh scars on my arms. And I don't want to have to explain my new meds to my parents, who will definitely go into armchair doctor mode.

 

[mesohappy]

Frontier communications customer service makes me want to ctb...Maybe Ill write my suicide note on their next bill,wipe my ass with it and send it back to them in lieu of money.

 

[Midnight]

Loneliness kills. It's quite evident when browsing the site.

Edit: Also an old colleague/friend asks how i'm doing. Haven't spoken in a few years. I was doing bad back then and i'm ten times worse now. I don't feel like lying for the millionth time when asked "how are you?" ... I want to die asap that's how i'm doing.

 

[Margimet]

I hate falling in love with neuroatypics that give me some attention and make me feel special. I just wish I had someone to trust, to hold me. Why can others be happy in love and I can't?

 

[ghostspace]

I don't think anyone will bother remembering me when I die. My family likes to not talk about things and I only have two friends, but we never talk either. I'll just have disappeared forever. I don't know how to feel about that.
I have something called alexithymia which means I can't easily tell emotions apart of describe how I'm feelilng.

 

[mattwitt]

FUCK ! FUCK ! FUCK !