I'm so sorry if this comes across as critical or judgemental, it is not my intention. But are you sure you want to expose your family to that? It will be EXTREMELY traumatising for them, they may seriously injure themselves trying desperately to get to you on a slippery bathroom floor, they could break bones or sustain head injuries, and it will dramatically increase their own risks of suicide. How would you feel if your own sister or your parents killed themselves after what they witnessed?
I get you. And trust me I hate to do this.
But, I am left with no choice, my condition is deteriorating, my mental health is severely worse. I am unable to handle it anymore. I had planned to CTB in a different city in a hotel. But, my parents have got to know the reality of SN.
I've (at-least temporarily) managed to convince them that I won't be opening the SN package and somehow (at-least for time being) managed the situation.
I cannot afford to wait beyond coming Sat. It's already risky of me to wait till 30/09/2023. If I wait longer, I may not be able to CTB at all, and I risk my SN possibly getting taken away.
Ultimately I may be forced into treatment or at worse forcefully shoved into a psych ward. Plus that because of this I'll be treated as a permanent outcast by the society. And my family (i.e. parents and sibling) would suffer along as a result. By CTBing, I could possibly spare them from it. I don't want to burden my family.
In the country I'm from (India), mental health is a huge taboo.
I believe that my parents have sorta(?) forgotten about the SN. I have to act fast and be really careful at the same time. I cannot mess up anything further. If I mention that I'll be staying in a hotel, they'll get really suspicious, an I risk ruining my plans entirely.
Also, trust me, I hate to lie to my parents about the SN and potentially break their trust. I hate myself for doing that. But I don't have a choice and I have to do it.
Regarding the slippery bathroom floor, I'm doing it to give myself very short (but potentially valuable) time so that I have a very less chance of being saved.
If at all I manage to set a super glue. I'll use that to seal the bathroom door shut and then I may not make the bathroom floor slippery. If I'm unable to get the super glue, then I'll have to make the bathroom floor slippery.
I'm going to be honest - this seems like a really selfish method. I encourage you to consider not exposing your family to this. If you are absolutely certain you want to ctb, there is no need to expose your family to it. If you're worried about your absence raising an alarm, figure out another place to do it. There are plenty of other options you can consider.
I do-not want to expose my family to it. But I'm left with no-other choice, especially considering the precarious situation I'm in rn. I get you, it's selfish. But I do-not have any other options left.
If I had any other potions I wouldn't be CTBing at home in the first place. Trust me. I literally mean it.
Btw, what I'm about to say may sound harsh. You and the other members may hate me for this :
If at all I'm saved and forced into treatment, or worse forced into a psych ward, I'll never forgive my parents and anyone else who knows about it.
In India, mental health is a huge taboo, if people get to know about ur mental sufferings, they'll treat you like a outcast full-time. My family will also suffer because of it. Also, my life will be ruined and I'll have to suffer even more because of it (i.e. if at all I (I hopefully won't) survive my CTB attempt.)
Trust me when I say this :
I hate to expose my family to this. I hate the fact that I have to lie to them. But I have already made up my mind, and I'm mentally prepared to do this. Also, I am aware of what I'm doing. Also, suicide wasn't my first option at all. After much contemplation and trying to sort out the issues I'm facing, I've decided to CTB once and for all.
Btw, nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts and opinions.
I get you. And trust me I hate to do this.
But, I am left with no choice, my condition is deteriorating, my mental health is severely worse. I am unable to handle it anymore. I had planned to CTB in a different city in a hotel. But, my parents have got to know the reality of SN.
I've (at-least temporarily) managed to convince them that I won't be opening the SN package and somehow (at-least for time being) managed the situation.
I cannot afford to wait beyond coming Sat. It's already risky of me to wait till 30/09/2023. If I wait longer, I may not be able to CTB at all, and I risk my SN possibly getting taken away.
Ultimately I may be forced into treatment or at worse forcefully shoved into a psych ward. Plus that because of this I'll be treated as a permanent outcast by the society. And my family (i.e. parents and sibling) would suffer along as a result. By CTBing, I could possibly spare them from it. I don't want to burden my family.
In the country I'm from (India), mental health is a huge taboo.
I believe that my parents have sorta(?) forgotten about the SN. I have to act fast and be really careful at the same time. I cannot mess up anything further. If I mention that I'll be staying in a hotel, they'll get really suspicious, an I risk ruining my plans entirely.
Also, trust me, I hate to lie to my parents about the SN and potentially break their trust. I hate myself for doing that. But I don't have a choice and I have to do it.
Regarding the slippery bathroom floor, I'm doing it to give myself very short (but potentially valuable) time so that I have a very less chance of being saved.
If at all I manage to set a super glue. I'll use that to seal the bathroom door shut and then I may not make the bathroom floor slippery. If I'm unable to get the super glue, then I'll have to make the bathroom floor slippery.
I do-not want to expose my family to it. But I'm left with no-other choice, especially considering the precarious situation I'm in rn. I get you, it's selfish. But I do-not have any other options left.
If I had any other potions I wouldn't be CTBing at home in the first place. Trust me. I literally mean it.
Btw, what I'm about to say may sound harsh. You and the other members may hate me for this :
If at all I'm saved and forced into treatment, or worse forced into a psych ward, I'll never forgive my parents and anyone else who knows about it.
In India, mental health is a huge taboo, if people get to know about ur mental sufferings, they'll treat you like a outcast full-time. My family will also suffer because of it. Also, my life will be ruined and I'll have to suffer even more because of it (i.e. if at all I (I hopefully won't) survive my CTB attempt.)
Trust me when I say this :
I hate to expose my family to this. I hate the fact that I have to lie to them. But I have already made up my mind, and I'm mentally prepared to do this. Also, I am aware of what I'm doing. Also, suicide wasn't my first option at all. After much contemplation and trying to sort out the issues I'm facing, I've decided to CTB once and for all.
Btw, nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts and opinions.
On second thoughts, I'll leave a decoy note instead.
See, what I mean is I'll (unfortunately have to) fool my family by leaving a suicide note mentioning the fake location and co-ordinates of where I'll be CTBing.
I'll mention the co-ordinates and location far away so that I have more valuable time and that I won't be rescued successfully. Also, I'll set up a alarm on the phone and leave it on the genuine suicide note (but with fake location and co-ordinates) on the table.
My family should wake up, read the suicide note (and hopefully believe the suicide note content), and then immediately leave to the location.
I'm not sure about this plan working and the pitfalls, risks associated with this plan.
Also, I may not drop the slippery bathroom floor option. The slippery bathroom floor would be a extra backup.
Folks, please let me know if I should proceed with this or not.
Do y'all think this will work or not? plz share y'all inputs.
. Your concern means a lot to me.
