Discussion Plan on Ctb tomorrow night

[William Barker]

Everything feels hopeless and like you have absolutely nothing left in you.

That and my older brother is dead, and my best friend is dead, so fuck it. I'll take the dead over the living.

What's your plan

A few hours before my attempt, I will test the SN with my blood, making sure it turns a dark chocolate brown.

Fast for at least 8 hours.

25gm in 50ml of water (guess tap is good enough).

I have measuring cups and spoons.

Use mouthwash to numb my tastebuds beforehand.

Take a mint afterwards.

Make a back up cup or two just in case I somehow vomit it all up, even though I can still ctb anyway, regardless of vomiting.

Lie down and wait to die.

 

[LilBird]

That and my older brother is dead, and my best friend is dead, so fuck it. I'll take the dead over the living.


A few hours before my attempt, I will test the SN with my blood, making sure it turns a dark chocolate brown.

Fast for at least 8 hours.

25gm in 50ml of water (guess tap is good enough).

I have measuring cups and spoons.

Use mouthwash to numb my tastebuds beforehand.

Take a mint afterwards.

Make a back up cup or two just in case I somehow vomit it all up, even though I can still ctb anyway, regardless of vomiting.

Lie down and wait to die.

Where did you get the SN from?

 

[William Barker]

Where did you get the SN from?

Amazon

 

[LilBird]

Amazon

How much was it

 

[William Barker]

How much was it

I sent you a screenshot.

 

[Living sucks]

How much was it

Depends on which you buy $10-40.

 

[LilBird]

Depends on which you buy $10-40.

Is there any like "better ones" to buy? Sorry idk how to really ask this

 

[William Barker]

Is there any like "better ones" to buy? Sorry idk how to really ask this

The one I sent you a picture of should be good. It's the one I'm using.

 

[Living sucks]

Is there any like "better ones" to buy? Sorry idk how to really ask this

It's kind of qty./volume I asked William also. I think 4oz is enough since it seems that approx 2 tsp is needed to dilute. But don't quote me. Read the thread on it if you are choosing this. Also read a few stories on here about it successes and failures. How it feels etc. i think @aramir was successful and search survived SN for others . It's important you know i think. Don't rush it's a decision that can't be reversed. I've always been prochoice just never knew I'd ever be one considering it.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

Hello, all. I haven't been on this site for very long, and assuming that all goes according to plan, tomorrow will be my last night.

I feel that I have done my homework sufficiently enough on the SN method. But just in case, here goes:

A few hours before my attempt, I will test the SN with my blood, making sure it turns a dark chocolate brown.

Fast for at least 8 hours.

25gm in 50ml of water (guess tap is good enough).

I have measuring cups and spoons.

Use mouthwash to numb my tastebuds beforehand.

Take a mint afterwards.

Make a back up cup or two just in case I somehow vomit it all up, even though I can still ctb anyway, regardless of vomiting.

Lie down and wait to die.

I have several windows pulled up just for reference, including Stan's guide, but if I've forgotten something or you have something to add, please do. I never claimed to be perfect. Far from it in face.

listen as much as i really want to discourage you in the grand scheme of things i cant physically stop you.
i dont know who you are you're just a stranger, could be 17, 30, 50? who knows
i just want to say that reading this sort of took a chunk out of my seemingly small heart i have
i hope whatever you do, whatever happens, you find peace. whether you live or die. i love you bro. may you do well, i might never talk to you again but jesus fuck this post hit me. sorry for going on you might already be dead by now, most likely not, but i just wanted to say something. please respond if you can i just want some sort of reassurance for me, a selfish person, just to know what you're doing. if it makes you feel any better look at my profile picture. a silly little cat, cute isnt it? (its not actually crying its edited)
again i dont want you to die. im new to this site this is my first time seeing something like this and it broke me. dont blame yourself thinking that you made someone cry and youre selfish or anything thats not what im going at, i just want to let you know people care. you've probably heard that for so long but i care man i dont know why i never really felt this strongly for someone i never met before or seen but yeah. sorry for going on such a long tangent.
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edit
i dont think ive joined long enough to be pm'ed any other way you would want to reach out? i have discord if thats okay

 

[Living sucks]

@pebpebpebpeb post 2 more messages to be able to pm

listen as much as i really want to discourage you in the grand scheme of things i cant physically stop you.
i dont know who you are you're just a stranger, could be 17, 30, 50? who knows
i just want to say that reading this sort of took a chunk out of my seemingly small heart i have
i hope whatever you do, whatever happens, you find peace. whether you live or die. i love you bro. may you do well, i might never talk to you again but jesus fuck this post hit me. sorry for going on you might already be dead by now, most likely not, but i just wanted to say something. please respond if you can i just want some sort of reassurance for me, a selfish person, just to know what you're doing. if it makes you feel any better look at my profile picture. a silly little cat, cute isnt it? (its not actually crying its edited)
again i dont want you to die. im new to this site this is my first time seeing something like this and it broke me. dont blame yourself thinking that you made someone cry and youre selfish or anything thats not what im going at, i just want to let you know people care. you've probably heard that for so long but i care man i dont know why i never really felt this strongly for someone i never met before or seen but yeah. sorry for going on such a long tangent.
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edit
i dont think ive joined long enough to be pm'ed any other way you would want to reach out? i have discord if thats okay

post 2 more messages and you can pm or chat

@one4all @GoodPersonEffed I edited and understand

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

@pebpebpebpeb post 2 more messages to be able to pm

post 2 more messages and you can pm or chat

@one4all @GoodPersonEffed I edited and understand

thanks :D

 

[William Barker]

listen as much as i really want to discourage you in the grand scheme of things i cant physically stop you.
i dont know who you are you're just a stranger, could be 17, 30, 50? who knows
i just want to say that reading this sort of took a chunk out of my seemingly small heart i have
i hope whatever you do, whatever happens, you find peace. whether you live or die. i love you bro. may you do well, i might never talk to you again but jesus fuck this post hit me. sorry for going on you might already be dead by now, most likely not, but i just wanted to say something. please respond if you can i just want some sort of reassurance for me, a selfish person, just to know what you're doing. if it makes you feel any better look at my profile picture. a silly little cat, cute isnt it? (its not actually crying its edited)
again i dont want you to die. im new to this site this is my first time seeing something like this and it broke me. dont blame yourself thinking that you made someone cry and youre selfish or anything thats not what im going at, i just want to let you know people care. you've probably heard that for so long but i care man i dont know why i never really felt this strongly for someone i never met before or seen but yeah. sorry for going on such a long tangent.

Years ago, my older brother died. Our relationship fell apart several years before, after his youngest daughter was violated by a mentally retarded man at age 4, but I still loved him, and he was still my hero.

My father was the only one who talked to me during the funeral. He shrugged and told me, "No one lives forever, son."

After that, my new friend, Liam, stuck to me like glue. He was there for me when no one else wanted to be.

We become inseparable. We became like brothers. And for the first time in my life, I felt truly loved. I had become his favorite person, and he was mine. If we couldn't be together, we'd be on the phone. I was never much of a talker, but somehow the words just flowed. And it was all so wonderful...

But he was a happy dream in a hellish nightmare of a world...

 

[Living sucks]

Also @GoodPersonEffed and @one4all maybe good to delete your posts as they include my message with name

 

[one4all]

@pebpebpebpeb post 2 more messages to be able to pm

post 2 more messages and you can pm or chat

@one4all @GoodPersonEffed I edited and understand

No problem. Just making sure as GoodPersonEffed said, doesn't happen.

Also @GoodPersonEffed and @one4all maybe good to delete your posts as they include my message with name

DAMN good thought. Thank you. Done

 

[William Barker]

listen as much as i really want to discourage you in the grand scheme of things i cant physically stop you.
i dont know who you are you're just a stranger, could be 17, 30, 50? who knows
i just want to say that reading this sort of took a chunk out of my seemingly small heart i have
i hope whatever you do, whatever happens, you find peace. whether you live or die. i love you bro. may you do well, i might never talk to you again but jesus fuck this post hit me. sorry for going on you might already be dead by now, most likely not, but i just wanted to say something. please respond if you can i just want some sort of reassurance for me, a selfish person, just to know what you're doing. if it makes you feel any better look at my profile picture. a silly little cat, cute isnt it? (its not actually crying its edited)
again i dont want you to die. im new to this site this is my first time seeing something like this and it broke me. dont blame yourself thinking that you made someone cry and youre selfish or anything thats not what im going at, i just want to let you know people care. you've probably heard that for so long but i care man i dont know why i never really felt this strongly for someone i never met before or seen but yeah. sorry for going on such a long tangent.
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-
edit
i dont think ive joined long enough to be pm'ed any other way you would want to reach out? i have discord if thats okay

don't have discord. Do you have Facebook?

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

don't have discord. Do you have Facebook?

yeah not quite sure how to use it though. and i dont want any of my family to see what im doing, sorry. anything else like uhh instagram or reddit?

 

[Pryras]

How are you feeling right now? I want you to find peace but it's alright if you choose to give life another try. It's tough but we are here for you until the end. I'm online a lot and if you need a listening ear please pm me! I want to listen, and I want you to feel heard before you go. Was planning on taking SN myself last Friday but postponed it for a later day and I'm here for you now.

 

[William Barker]

yeah not quite sure how to use it though. and i dont want any of my family to see what im doing, sorry. anything else like uhh instagram or reddit?

Yes. I'm on Reddit. Name is mawl0ck.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

Yes. I'm on Reddit. Name is mawl0ck.

messaged you

 

[William Barker]

Update: It's 11: 39pm. I just set my alarm for 5am. I want to watch the sun rise tomorrow.

 

[one4all]

I want to watch the sun rise tomorrow.

I hope the weather permits that!

 

[Brackenshire]

Sun rises are beautiful

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Just dropping in to say good morning, William. Hope you enjoy the Sun rise

 

[William Barker]

Update: 10:42

Just woke up. Missed the sunrise by a long shot, but it's okay. I was up late last night having a discussion with a woman who, under different circumstances, could have maybe been my soulmate.

About to make some coffee and enjoy it while I can before I have to fast.

 

[LMLN]

So sorry life has brought you to this decision. We are here no matter what you do in the end.

 

[William Barker]

"The genius of the hole: no matter how long you spend climbing out, you can still fall back down in an instant."

A favorite quote of mine.

 

[Crows]

Hello, all. I haven't been on this site for very long, and assuming that all goes according to plan, tomorrow will be my last night.

I feel that I have done my homework sufficiently enough on the SN method. But just in case, here goes:

A few hours before my attempt, I will test the SN with my blood, making sure it turns a dark chocolate brown.

Fast for at least 8 hours.

25gm in 50ml of water (guess tap is good enough).

I have measuring cups and spoons.

Use mouthwash to numb my tastebuds beforehand.

Take a mint afterwards.

Make a back up cup or two just in case I somehow vomit it all up, even though I can still ctb anyway, regardless of vomiting.

Lie down and wait to die.

I have several windows pulled up just for reference, including Stan's guide, but if I've forgotten something or you have something to add, please do. I never claimed to be perfect. Far from it in face.

Are you scared or nervous about ctb'ing? I plan on ctb'ing myself soon and trying to get over the fear myself .

 

[William Barker]

Are you scared or nervous about ctb'ing? I plan on ctb'ing myself soon and trying to get over the fear myself .

I'd be lying if I said otherwise. But I'm mostly just exhausted. I'm just ready for my life to be over already.

 

[Crows]

I'd be lying if I said otherwise. But I'm mostly just exhausted. I'm just ready for my life to be over already.

In my opinion you must be brave to go through with it. I wish you the best.