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I've got no beef with you, mate, just waiting to get the energy to go to the place I'm going to kill myself. just destroyed all my papers and changed my insurance beneficiary
"family", abuse, severe isolation and neglect (was raised and treated as a shitty bagage and lived as prisoner ) and narcisssim.
Doctors, for not diagnostising me adhd, depression sooner when they should have.
I know it's not a person, but the NHS, especially their mental health system.
They let me down when I was a child, they let me down when I was a teenager, they let me down with their long waiting list, they let me down with unprofessional staff.
They left me down when I was discharged from ICU too early which allowed a second heart attack, which caused a life changing brain injury.
They let me down in brain injury hospital when they taught me opening up is bad. They did that more than once, when I was in a vulnerable position (at the start I had a mental age of two). They let me down when a nurse put a piece of paper on my bed saying the brain injury was an attempt. I had lost my memory so didn't even understand all the words. There was no nurse or doctor in my room to help me understand.
The NHS are the reason why I have trust issues, and one of the reasons why I am this bad.
I can never even consider the concept of forgiveness.
The first, I think about every day. I fucking hate him. He ruined my life. I trusted him, more so than even my own husband. I shouldn't have. He was self-righteous, self-absorbed, and duplicitous. He single-handedly ruined my career, my reputation, my financial health, my family plans, and any hope of a successful future. And I loved him so much. And he fucked me over. And I dwell on it everyday. I hope he burns in Hell. I can't bring myself to forgive him.
The other person I can't forgive is me, for my own fucking stupidity and naivety.
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demuic
VIBRITANNIA
lelouch. any pronouns. pfp is by pixiv id 3217872.
my "father". he's an abusive caveman. i can't forgive him even if i wanted to. when i hear his voice, i want to die. when i see him, i either have the urge to run away or beat the shit out of him. see how he likes it.
It is not that I can not forgive him bc I do forgive him. He just does not think the same as me and has prioritized things in life on a much different scale than what I could ever possibly accept for myself.
When my Mom died he promised he would be different and changed from what he learned during the time of her dying, and about what was really important in life blah blah blah... It meant nothing by way of his actions a few years later when I needed him and he was not there for me. Driving to town to drop me off at a local shelter az he huffed and grumbled in disgust over the fact he would have to park his precious vehicle in that part of the neighborhood for the hour it would take to get me enrolled in to their program and shit! That pissed me off! I went through the process and soon as he left walked my ass right out of there and went back to living in my Jeep.
My Mom told me what he would be like bc she knew she was dying of the disease and had soo little time left. And I stood up for him to her.. She knew better!
Now, even though I forgive him and know he cannot help himself and will not ever change... I still cannot talk to him bc I know myself, and I will tell him how I feel about him! I won't be nice to him! And I do not want to hurt him like that...
So, I don't talk to him and it has been going on four years later.
My abusive ex. His abuse and all the trauma and bad things that happened to me because if him is what ultimately caused the downfall of my life and is the biggest factor in my decision to ctb. He is a physically, sexually and mentally abusive jerk who is a cheater, thief, liar and narcissistic sociopath...I do not and will never forgive him.
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Deleted member 4993, VIBRITANNIA, demuic and 1 other person
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