Overcoming social anxiety

[Beachedwhale]

Has anyone had progress with this? I've had this for my whole life and it needs to go.

CBT?

 

[Marktheghost]

Nope. I've never made much progress with it. And what tiny little bit of progress I have made has been ruined by people hating me and rejecting me and destroying what tiny bit of confidence I did manage to build.

If you find any ways of overcoming it, please let me know. Maybe we can do this together.

 

[timf]

In the movie the King's Speech the king of England (after WWI) says that all that had been required previously was to look passable mounted on a horse. With the advent of radio it was now expected that he enter every home as an entertainer.

I think in a similar way modern society (especially with TV and movies) sets a standard for social interaction where everyone is sort of expected to be be socially skilled.

Some progress can be made using humor and self-deprecation. It can also be helpful to avoid social situations that are more superficial as these environments tend to place extra emphasis on performance skills.

 

[Life_and_Death]

its been a more recent development with me (the last year or so) and i just refused to interact with anyone that isnt my husband. im currently on 15mg/day of buspirone and i found it helped a lot. i still have a little anxiety and will be upping my dose to 20mg/day soon, but for me personally this is helping.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

What is your current condition? Like are you a NEET, or do you live a mostly normal life?

I've had SAD a looongg time. When I was in K-12, it was awful. Wouldn't talk at all in school, burst into tears when I was put on the spot during class, couldn't ride the bus, had to be forced to go outside by my parents, etc. I was always depressed, adults and kids bullied me, I wouldn't shower or brush my teeth sometimes. I'd cry myself to sleep almsot every day, and waking up was difficult.

About half a decade later, I've managed to hold down a retail job for years, I'm almost done with college, and I'm gonna start a nice office job soon. I don't have friends at the moment, and I am called quiet at work and school all the time. But I have no problems making appointments, calling the store to see if they sell something, or saying no to customers at work. For me, it's huge progress, I never thought I'd be independent at all. I was fully expecting to drop out of college and get fired after my freshman year.

It's fully possible to go from NEET/hikki level (or close to it) to being able to support yourself to some degree. The truth though, is that you *need* to do some form of exposure. And getting from survival mode to thriving will often take years of therapy and a medication regimen that works well for you. I've never taken meds but all my therapists have said I need them. I think if you have chronic SAD plus depression, meds will be almost required at some point, espec if you don't respond to therapy. Go to therapy if you've never tried it, but make sure you have the right mindset. You need to want to change, and you need to be prepared for the embarrassment, shame, and stress of exposure. It's always hard the first time, but eventually you'll be less awkward with things.

 

[Beachedwhale]

What is your current condition? Like are you a NEET, or do you live a mostly normal life?

I've had SAD a looongg time. When I was in K-12, it was awful. Wouldn't talk at all in school, burst into tears when I was put on the spot during class, couldn't ride the bus, had to be forced to go outside by my parents, etc. I was always depressed, adults and kids bullied me, I wouldn't shower or brush my teeth sometimes. I'd cry myself to sleep almsot every day, and waking up was difficult.

About half a decade later, I've managed to hold down a retail job for years, I'm almost done with college, and I'm gonna start a nice office job soon. I don't have friends at the moment, and I am called quiet at work and school all the time. But I have no problems making appointments, calling the store to see if they sell something, or saying no to customers at work. For me, it's huge progress, I never thought I'd be independent at all. I was fully expecting to drop out of college and get fired after my freshman year.

It's fully possible to go from NEET/hikki level (or close to it) to being able to support yourself to some degree. The truth though, is that you *need* to do some form of exposure. And getting from survival mode to thriving will often take years of therapy and a medication regimen that works well for you. I've never taken meds but all my therapists have said I need them. I think if you have chronic SAD plus depression, meds will be almost required at some point, espec if you don't respond to therapy. Go to therapy if you've never tried it, but make sure you have the right mindset. You need to want to change, and you need to be prepared for the embarrassment, shame, and stress of exposure. It's always hard the first time, but eventually you'll be less awkward with things.

I'm a NEET, been one for 3 years. Long story but I messed up uni and ended up with a degree subject I didn't want to do, a bad grade and spotty transcript, and it took much longer than it should have. I was exhausted and depressed but didn't really accept it at the time and was dealing with a lot of issues that I refused to acknowledge (including being in a place that wasn't right for me and in bad relationships) and couldn't really do so because all I could see was a 'blank' looking back on childhood (until now).

I'm glad you were able to turn things around with exposure.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I'm a NEET, been one for 3 years. I messed up uni by changing a couple of times, missing exams and ending up with a degree subject I didn't want to do. I was exhausted and depressed but didn't really accept it at the time and was dealing with a lot of issues that I refused to acknowledge (including being in a place that wasn't right for me and in bad relationships) and couldn't really do so because all I could see was a 'blank' looking back on childhood (until now).

I'm glad you were able to turn things around with exposure.

Don't worry, you have plenty of time to turn things around. If you still have loans to pay off, I really recommend starting the job hunt. Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, and get your hygiene in order if you don't already. I know it sounds obvious but for me it wasn't lol. You can aim for something relevant to a field that you enjoy if you already have work experience, but otherwise I recommend retail.

If you want more specific advice on scouting out good places to work for SAD, just let me know! It will depend on what part of SAD is most troublesome for you. Food retail has been amazing for me, but I'm someone who feels more comfortable talking in scripts with random people that I'll never see ever again. If you do better with familiar people, you'll probably be happier doing reception work at a doctor's office, real estate place, or an insurance company.

If you can go to treatment though, CBT can be very useful and it will prepare you for reentering the world. But you need to be in the right headspace. You need to be critical of your anxious thoughts and actually do the homework, or else it will seem like bullshit and you'll be frustrated that it doesn't work. SAD seems very rational in our heads sometimes but you'd be surprised the amount of weird and nonsensical fears you can have about situations. Look for a therapist who is patient but ready to get down to business with you. In my experience, the psychotherapist types who just sit and listen to you rant for 45 minutes will be useless if your main issue is SAD, there needs to be an active dialouge where your thoughts are contested or else you'll continue to wallow in your fear.

 

[Beachedwhale]

Don't worry, you have plenty of time to turn things around. If you still have loans to pay off, I really recommend starting the job hunt. Get a haircut, buy some new clothes, and get your hygiene in order if you don't already. I know it sounds obvious but for me it wasn't lol. You can aim for something relevant to a field that you enjoy if you already have work experience, but otherwise I recommend retail.

If you want more specific advice on scouting out good places to work for SAD, just let me know! It will depend on what part of SAD is most troublesome for you. Food retail has been amazing for me, but I'm someone who feels more comfortable talking in scripts with random people that I'll never see ever again. If you do better with familiar people, you'll probably be happier doing reception work at a doctor's office, real estate place, or an insurance company.

If you can go to treatment though, CBT can be very useful and it will prepare you for reentering the world. But you need to be in the right headspace. You need to be critical of your anxious thoughts and actually do the homework, or else it will seem like bullshit and you'll be frustrated that it doesn't work. SAD seems very rational in our heads sometimes but you'd be surprised the amount of weird and nonsensical fears you can have about situations. Look for a therapist who is patient but ready to get down to business with you. In my experience, the psychotherapist types who just sit and listen to you rant for 45 minutes will be useless if your main issue is SAD, there needs to be an active dialouge where your thoughts are contested or else you'll continue to wallow in your fear.

The issue is that I really want to move out but it's impossible to do that where I live unless you are earning quite a decent amount...unless you want to live in a mouldy place with 5 people and one bathroom. You are right about the hygiene though, I am starting to try taking care of my skin.

For me I just can't stand people in general lol. I am also just physically so exhausted especially after coming back from outside, and am trying out different things to see what works. An antidepressant seems to have robbed me of what little energy I still had. It's really hard to communicate when you're constantly exhausted.

I agree about CBT.

 

[meetapple]

I recommend Toastmasters. It seems to have helped me learn how to direct and participate in meetings. I also don't mind speaking in front of people. Table Topics even helps you think on your feet. My social anxiety problem is related to my issues with conformity. I definitely feel as though people are scrutinizing me more and I don't think Toastmasters has helped me with that.