Ok but WHEN does it get better?

[Luvwww.com]

A question no one seems to be able to answer for me. I have the concept of things changing, obviously things are constantly changing and I feel different day by day. But my general satisfaction with my life has stayed the same. In fact as the years go by, things have only gotten worse for me. I only get more miserable, fuck up more, make my life worse, uncover (and experience) more horrible traumas. So it's been 23 years. I'm tired of waiting. When is this magical "it gets better" fairy supposed to come for me? Because as I see it, I'm doing everything I can to make shit better for me, and still I decline.

Like do people really expect me to live another 20, 30 years with the mere hope that it gets better? Do they really expect me to live ONE year? I mean clearly they do, but I feel like if they were in my position, they'd shut up real quick about holding out.

If it does get better, ok. Give me a timeline. Tell me when I can say enough is enough. Tell me when I can finally let go. Because I'm not willing to wait much longer.

If it really and truly does get better like they say, these should be easy questions. But they're not, because it's not about getting better. It's about forcing us to stay even when we're completely miserable and dejected. Forcing us to be a cog in their machine. There is no "getting better" for a person like me.

It's actually supposed to get better?? I thought that it was just something people say

 

[woofwag]

It never gets better, you just going to have to look for the methods to escape this asap. That's what I learned here because you can see this from your childhood. If you didn't have a good childhood and it's full of struggle, it will only get worse as you get older because you're hanging on for hope.

True. I think some people are able to find a way to be "normal" after shitty childhoods, but I don't think it's the majority. People just love to promote stories of others getting better because it makes them feel more confident in themselves and their abilities. As if our traumas are nothing more than inspiration porn for them. It's insulting and objectifying. But if we can't meet those standards, if we can't "get better," I guess we just don't exist to them in their perfect little world of sunshine and rainbows.

I'm not gonna lie, I grew up with people where not only did it not "get better" it got worse. So my outlook is pretty bleak. I don't think it gets better, i think people just dissociate from reality and don't think about how horrible everything is by focusing on their jobs, kids, marriage, drinking, gambling, etc until they die.

Yeah, admittedly after getting this new job I find it is a lot easier to pretend I'm fine. Because idk I get money and I work and all of that fuels my dissociation further. Reality is that any free moment I get to have a thought, it will always be, "I want to die." And ofc this happens all the time while working and "having fun" going out too. It's just a bit more muted, which honestly means nothing in the scope of my misery.

i keep asking myself the same thing, i dont know when it will, people keep telling me it will but idk how long i can keep waiting. i keep trying, but at some point it just gets too exhausting

And I would never blame you, or anyone, for giving up on that hope. It sucks and a lot of times it never gets better. It should always be up to personal choice about how much we can take.

I think when people say "it gets better" they manipulate reality. There's a point if you can grasp a stable environment that more suffering you will experience will be over the mundane things rather than direct extreme offenses. I believe there's some issue in the sentiment because the "better" consists of suffering nonetheless. By moving away from those who harm you, building some form of an independent life, there will be no more external suffering acting on you and it is assumed then you can at least have room to work inwards or be less constantly faced by unexpected pains. There's a disconnect and idealism when people say this, and while there are many cases of new changes or the ability to settle down with "the right medication" or therapy and inner working, finding a stable relationship or community, gaining independence, it's incredibly difficult and rare to reach these possibilities of change and a non certain chance this will work. I believe it's more that your mindset and perspective "gets better" in that these things able to provide hope and a context mundane enough you can tolerate existence you will do what the rest of the world does in looking into the future for comfort.

I mean tbh, if saying "it gets better" manipulates someone's reality, that's pretty fuckin awesome. Manipulating reality sounds sick asf. You seem to be saying that a future outlook changing your perspective to be positive around a mundane life is a disconnect from reality, but is that really the case? Are the people who feel like they are "better" just by finding comfort in a future better than the one they're living deluded? Idk, I think if a "better" still consists of suffering, and it's a type of suffering that person is willing to accept, then that's worth it. I'm plenty disconnected from reality some might argue, but idk, it's my reality. If it works for those people to have hope in a future with slim chances of actually happening, good for them. But that's not something I can find comfort in personally. Sorry if I misunderstood any of what you were saying btw, I was having a bit of trouble following lol.

It's actually supposed to get better?? I thought that it was just something people say

It is, according to all the people who've told me this... to the point that they get very defensive when I argue otherwise. It's a sentiment they believe applies universally as long as you're "trying," which is a misconception. Not everyone makes it in this life.

 

[lovelulu]

A question no one seems to be able to answer for me. I have the concept of things changing, obviously things are constantly changing and I feel different day by day. But my general satisfaction with my life has stayed the same. In fact as the years go by, things have only gotten worse for me. I only get more miserable, fuck up more, make my life worse, uncover (and experience) more horrible traumas. So it's been 23 years. I'm tired of waiting. When is this magical "it gets better" fairy supposed to come for me? Because as I see it, I'm doing everything I can to make shit better for me, and still I decline.

Like do people really expect me to live another 20, 30 years with the mere hope that it gets better? Do they really expect me to live ONE year? I mean clearly they do, but I feel like if they were in my position, they'd shut up real quick about holding out.

If it does get better, ok. Give me a timeline. Tell me when I can say enough is enough. Tell me when I can finally let go. Because I'm not willing to wait much longer.

If it really and truly does get better like they say, these should be easy questions. But they're not, because it's not about getting better. It's about forcing us to stay even when we're completely miserable and dejected. Forcing us to be a cog in their machine. There is no "getting better" for a person like me.

it doesn't

 

[singingcrow]

lol yess! that's what it's exactly like

maybe they know it will get better for them but it doesn't for people like me. i don't want a life that's mainly suffering and has a few happy moments. not worth it for me

 

[isthisit?]

Its not magical. It gets better when you actually believe it.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

It doesn't
Not for me & not for most of us.
It gets better is a fucking lie from pro-life people.
If everyone could CTB that wanted to, there wouldn't be enough people to serve the rich.

These are my thoughts.... People can agree or disagree. It makes no difference to me.

 

[woofwag]

it doesn't

Yeah probably true.

Its not magical. It gets better when you actually believe it.

Kind of an insulting message. I did try and believe it, for years, but all my bad experiences and hope and effort amounted to nothing. I don't have any evidence that blind hope will help. Neither do I have evidence that trying to be proactive and fix things will help.

It doesn't
Not for me & not for most of us.
It gets better is a fucking lie from pro-life people.
If everyone could CTB that wanted to, there wouldn't be enough people to serve the rich.

These are my thoughts.... People can agree or disagree. It makes no difference to me.

Kinda my thoughts too. It's still a weird thing in my head, like idk it just feels like such an overwhelming concept to never have a thought again, even a bad one, and to leave everything behind.
But what's a guy to do when everything is miserable and won't change?
Sure seems like people don't care to help beyond the same tired aphorisms which rarely hold up to reality.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

It's a sentiment they believe applies universally as long as you're "trying," which is a misconception. Not everyone makes it in this life.

Oof, felt this one.
No matter what, I've ended up back in the pit. It feels kind of insulting whenever someone hits me with the "you just have to try harder". I tried and I failed. And then I failed. And then guess what, I failed again. What's the point?

 

[Give Up The Ghost]

A question no one seems to be able to answer for me. I have the concept of things changing, obviously things are constantly changing and I feel different day by day. But my general satisfaction with my life has stayed the same. In fact as the years go by, things have only gotten worse for me. I only get more miserable, fuck up more, make my life worse, uncover (and experience) more horrible traumas. So it's been 23 years. I'm tired of waiting. When is this magical "it gets better" fairy supposed to come for me? Because as I see it, I'm doing everything I can to make shit better for me, and still I decline.

Like do people really expect me to live another 20, 30 years with the mere hope that it gets better? Do they really expect me to live ONE year? I mean clearly they do, but I feel like if they were in my position, they'd shut up real quick about holding out.

If it does get better, ok. Give me a timeline. Tell me when I can say enough is enough. Tell me when I can finally let go. Because I'm not willing to wait much longer.

If it really and truly does get better like they say, these should be easy questions. But they're not, because it's not about getting better. It's about forcing us to stay even when we're completely miserable and dejected. Forcing us to be a cog in their machine. There is no "getting better" for a person like me.

Thanks for articulating this so well. I've felt this at so many times in my life. I've been feeling it a lot recently.

Sometimes I can hold on to the idea the future is fundamentally uncertain, that even if it isn't necessarily going to be good, it could be good in some way AND either way it's kind of interesting to find out. But that of course isn't very persuasive in the face of suffering and decline.

The future is a funny one, in that it only really exists in our minds. At some points I've felt positive about the future, at other points severely negative, but either way it hasn't changed what happens, only my attitude towards it. Negativity can protect me from getting my hopes crushed while positivity can make me more open and receptive to the good things that do occasionally happen, however small they may be.

No one can know for sure when things will get better, or whether they even will at all. All we know is that we don't know. People claiming it will 'definitely' get better may mean well, but as you say, they are making an irrational claim in order to perpetuate a system in which people are forced to hang on to life against their will. This causes even more suffering as people feel shamed into 'positive thinking'.

As for when 'enough is enough' and we give up our curiosity about the future to save ourselves from the pain, that's up to us. Or at least, it should be

 

[tzon]

"When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose"

The problem is, I have something

Not a lot, but something (on second thought, "not a lot" that's an insult to my parents and sisters, I have A LOT). Enought for that fucking survival instinct to freeze frame me at the top of a free fall

 

[woofwag]

Oof, felt this one.
No matter what, I've ended up back in the pit. It feels kind of insulting whenever someone hits me with the "you just have to try harder". I tried and I failed. And then I failed. And then guess what, I failed again. What's the point?

It's super insulting! They don't see the reality of our struggles and think they can be equated to theirs without considering that we have different situations. Different brains, backgrounds, abilities, etc, but no, none of that is considered and apparently the real issue is "trying." Try, try again, sure, but try, try, try, try, try…. again and again… how many more times? We're all tired of it.

Thanks for articulating this so well. I've felt this at so many times in my life. I've been feeling it a lot recently.

Sometimes I can hold on to the idea the future is fundamentally uncertain, that even if it isn't necessarily going to be good, it could be good in some way AND either way it's kind of interesting to find out. But that of course isn't very persuasive in the face of suffering and decline.

The future is a funny one, in that it only really exists in our minds. At some points I've felt positive about the future, at other points severely negative, but either way it hasn't changed what happens, only my attitude towards it. Negativity can protect me from getting my hopes crushed while positivity can make me more open and receptive to the good things that do occasionally happen, however small they may be.

No one can know for sure when things will get better, or whether they even will at all. All we know is that we don't know. People claiming it will 'definitely' get better may mean well, but as you say, they are making an irrational claim in order to perpetuate a system in which people are forced to hang on to life against their will. This causes even more suffering as people feel shamed into 'positive thinking'.

As for when 'enough is enough' and we give up our curiosity about the future to save ourselves from the pain, that's up to us. Or at least, it should be

Yeah, I think my problem is the lack of choice people present with "it will get better." I don't like feeling destined to any particular path people set out for me, good or bad. And you're right, there is no knowing. Ever. The only constant is change. But regardless of this nebulous better future people speak of, I doubt it will ever erase the pain of my past. I know it will keep cropping up, mentally crippling me because of the nature of my pain and the way it consumes every aspect of my life. "Better" can only feel so good in context. There's no escaping your past and how your body holds the pain of it through every bone, ligament, joint, and neuron.

 

[singingcrow]

Its not magical. It gets better when you actually believe it.

I believed it for years and look where I've ended up… on a suicide site lol

I put in the work to get better as well

 

[Unsure and Useless]

This is going to be such a cop out answer, but the answer truly boils down to one phrase:

It Depends

For some, it gets better within a few months; for others, it gets better after years; for few, it hasn't gotten better, but they're still holding on because they're convinced it will get better. It doesn't help that this question is also subject to literal survivorship bias. Those who agree with you are likely dead (or hospitalized) while those who are alive to hear you ask that question are anti-CTB. That's why you get vague promises that all revolve around the belief that you shouldn't CTB

Even among those who have/will CTB, there will always be people who will completely recover and forget enough of their experience to become the people who have ostracized us because that is the way the system is supposed to function. This is going into conspiracy theory territory, but I believe that, no matter what we do, our system has to have suicidal people

Spoiler: Conspiracy Rant

Think about it. There are only limited resources in this world, and already, we can see that there is an "upper class" that hogs the majority of these resources for their own gain. In this situation, the remaining resources must be fought over by the middle to lower class. This means that the existence of those who have nothing is systematically enforced, yet even so, where will these people who have nothing go?

Existence itself is a resource. Among those who have nothing except to live, we must fight for the resource of "living", and just like the previous scenario, that means there has to be people who must not have this resource, resulting in their death.

Obviously, it's more nuanced than that. I believe you have some of these "resources" that I've referenced in this rant, but this is generally how it goes. People must die so that those resources can be passed onto others not in "upper echelon" of society because that is the way the rich and powerful designed it to be