bussy
āmy sin, my soulā
- Mar 30, 2023
- 88
basically a life update from my last post/thread
i hate the summer, now with so much time and not enough distractions im constantly just left with my thoughts, specifically thoughts about the past
a month or so ago i broke up with my bf, as i found out he had been cheating on me the entirety of our relationship, although the real part that bugs me more than anything is how i let all that happen to me.
im just disgusted at the fact i let someone like that into my life, thinking that things were turning out for the better and that i could finally have something for once. i wont go into too much detail but i really just wish i had more self respect, and stood my ground more.
i let him take the one thing that was so important to me, even thought ive said no countless of times it still ended up happening, and worst of all is that i stayed despite it all. i so desperately wanted everything to work out and for what? in the end all that has happened so far in my life is that i got played so bad, all while thinking id have a happy ending. im so mad at myself for being so utterly stupid.
my parents cleaned out the garage recently and stumbled across my bottle of SN, its all rock solid now as its been around 2 years since i got it. i dont know what to do anymore as im at the point in life where im not actively trying to ctb yet i have the option to do so at any given time. ive kept my SN and the regieme plan, all i would need is meto which is attainable.
i feel like recently ive just been aimlessly living life and just letting everything happen. maybe i need something so so terrible to happen to me as a final push to just end everything. i dont really want to die anymore but at the same time im content with it if it happened, i feel as if i just dont care anymore about anything.
i really dont know what to do and i just feel stuck in life, like im in this constant limbo of wanting to do better and fix myself up. my life really isnt that bad but at the same time part of me doesnt see the point in trying. like ive tried and its genuinely just all went to shit so whats the point? of course a couple of failed attempts at improving does not define every other possibility i have, i know this very well. maybe i just like dwelling in my own misery and its honestly easier that way.
i just really dont know anything, i dont know what to do and what my next course of action should be. i guess im just going to keep living and see where it takes me. i always have the option of ctb which is something im so glad for, so whatever happens happens. im just done with expecting that things can improve, so ill keep my expectations low to save myself from getting hurt again.
i hate the summer, now with so much time and not enough distractions im constantly just left with my thoughts, specifically thoughts about the past
a month or so ago i broke up with my bf, as i found out he had been cheating on me the entirety of our relationship, although the real part that bugs me more than anything is how i let all that happen to me.
im just disgusted at the fact i let someone like that into my life, thinking that things were turning out for the better and that i could finally have something for once. i wont go into too much detail but i really just wish i had more self respect, and stood my ground more.
i let him take the one thing that was so important to me, even thought ive said no countless of times it still ended up happening, and worst of all is that i stayed despite it all. i so desperately wanted everything to work out and for what? in the end all that has happened so far in my life is that i got played so bad, all while thinking id have a happy ending. im so mad at myself for being so utterly stupid.
my parents cleaned out the garage recently and stumbled across my bottle of SN, its all rock solid now as its been around 2 years since i got it. i dont know what to do anymore as im at the point in life where im not actively trying to ctb yet i have the option to do so at any given time. ive kept my SN and the regieme plan, all i would need is meto which is attainable.
i feel like recently ive just been aimlessly living life and just letting everything happen. maybe i need something so so terrible to happen to me as a final push to just end everything. i dont really want to die anymore but at the same time im content with it if it happened, i feel as if i just dont care anymore about anything.
i really dont know what to do and i just feel stuck in life, like im in this constant limbo of wanting to do better and fix myself up. my life really isnt that bad but at the same time part of me doesnt see the point in trying. like ive tried and its genuinely just all went to shit so whats the point? of course a couple of failed attempts at improving does not define every other possibility i have, i know this very well. maybe i just like dwelling in my own misery and its honestly easier that way.
i just really dont know anything, i dont know what to do and what my next course of action should be. i guess im just going to keep living and see where it takes me. i always have the option of ctb which is something im so glad for, so whatever happens happens. im just done with expecting that things can improve, so ill keep my expectations low to save myself from getting hurt again.
