Note your level of mental distress now

[NonEssential]

2/10
I've been kinda chill recently, maybe a calm before the storm thing. Time will tell.

 

[No_Body]

Note your level of mental distress each day.

now: 8/10

You can explain or just give /10

9/10

ruminating none stop about ctb
anxiety about failing ctb

 

[Defenestration]

9,5/10 i was in relationship with someone for 3 weeks and he left me.as long as someone with borderline personnalité discorde is abdandoned, its terrible.

 

[nitrogenous]

It was definitely a 9.5/10 two days ago, but then it has weirdly decreased to maybe a 4/10 now, after taking steps towards my next attempt (ordering the method). Perhaps, it's the peace knowing I'll be able to do it, perhaps it's just past the urge... who knows...

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Like an 8. I've been pretty open about my thoughts and my parents are begging me not to ctb. Luckily I have no health insurance so they know putting me in retard jail would cost a fortune. I just have a very hard time functioning. I spend a solid 3 hours awake in bed between 4 and 7am. At least the trazodone dreams are interesting.

Stopped taking Abilify. That shit makes me feel BAD. Idc about weaning, I'm sure it was a small dose anyway, but whatever that does I do NOT need it.

 

[TheUncommon]

9/10, I've not made anything more than $30 since August

 

[Vexadin]

7/10

 

[Exhausted546]

7/10. Trying to summon the courage to get my rope in my backpack and walk in the woods tonight

 

[Hotsackage]

to hell with it

 

[outrider567]

9/10 always

 

[themindian]

Like a 5/10. I'm feeling a little more at peace today for some reason but I'm afraid its becuase these "demons" are pleasuring/healing me in absseses and it's rubbing off on me in WAAAAAY less than absseses in which I'm only genuinely feeling about a fraction of the healing that I could be feeling, so I'm not really sure if I should just roll with whatever rhese "demons" are doing whether they're genuinely trying to heal me to heal me or if they're healing the "other" me in absseses to tease and psychologically torment the REAL me that's typing this now.

I want to believe that there's good in the world and I'm hoping that my cries for help reached someone good out there that now might be watching over me and the thing that tells me that my small amount of healing that I'm.gettimg is legit.is because I know that suicide is inherently wrong for anyone to do like, its normal in todays dystopia because this American dystolia is fucked up beyond belief, but the thing is that the healing that I'm.feeling right now actually feels kinda good amd is giving me a bit of relief, which is making me feel a little less suicidal so I mean maybe its a good sign that I'm feeling this way and isnt a trick cuz I do truly feel, at least a litte bit of relief. So I think I'll keep an open mind for the next couple weeks or so and just keep up with my journal and do.what feels right.

And like the FACT is that the relief I'm feeling right now feels genuine and the FACT is that I have less pain than I had before which is making me feel less suicidal=how I should be feeling in regards to how normal people see suicide which is that it's inherently wrong. Now I feel like I can lean a little more into that belief of how suicide is inherently wrong because my pain truly is slowly dissipating which is, at least a little better than being in a lot of pain/as much.paik as I've been in.

I just hope it lasts and keeps improving but I think it's safe to say that I have a little bit of hope for once in a long time.

:*D

 

[LastAcrobat]

My actual direct mental state isn't horrible, like a 6/10, maybe 7/10 in terms of how bad it is. The reason I need to CTB is that I have no future. The job market in my industry is fucked and it's too late for me to fix anything.

 

[Lost Dreamer]

8/10
Feels like I'm playing tug of war with myself, desperately trying to keep it together until this sinking feeling in my chest leaves me be, enduring the storm that is my mind attacking itself for some goddamn reason. Sometimes it feels just a bit too much and I get an immense urge to hit myself, like it would somehow ease this terrible feeling and silence the storm.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

9/10

I am currently dealing with my innate instinct to live right now, and it's draining any ounce of joy in me

 

[VitriolLD]

15/10

I'm a schizophrenic with BPD and I just broke up with my long-term girlfriend. I don't want to be impulsive, but I've been suicidal since I was 9 due to human trafficking and I had just keep jumping from one partner to another. I kept saying to myself this is the last partner and I feel like this is it.

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

3/10, but through indifference towards future, rather than through actual real-life security. Basically, done with planning, enjoying things as if money and resources were infinite instead of ever depleting (unemployed for years).

 

[Spite]

8/10.

Fuck this life. Fuck everything.