New depression

[g357]

Ive never dealt with depression like this before

Anxiety yes for sure. But not depression and suicidal ideation like this

My groceries just got delivered to my doorstep. Im laying in bed in the dark, after 5hrs of googling suicide methods

I need to get up and put them away, then cook and eat.

Tasks are usually hard for me anyway due to neurodivergence, this is on a whole other level

The thought of fighting through this to do the things I want: continue work part time, go back to uni and study only 1 subject a trimester, maintain and grow my new relationship, seek help with therapy, go to the gym once a week)

So manageable for some people
Feels so fucking impossible to me and it is in the state im in i think it all is

I want to feel hope again. I also want to die

 

[Eriktf]

hope you get better

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