Need medication advice from people who have taken anticonvulsants (What could help my anxiety but reduce Si?)

[tryingtoescape]

It's hard to type, so I apologize if some of this doesn't make sense. I have severe anxiety and OCD, and I'm currently experiencing hypomania. I want to be on a medication that will decrease Si (survival instinct) but help reduce my severe anxiety as well. I'm currently on Inderal, Gabapentin, and Minipress, and Klonopin several times a week. I need to get this anxiety and OCD under control so I can execute my suicide. I don't have Si when it comes to partial or overdosing, which haven't worked, I 100% want to die, but when it comes to jumping, my chosen method, my Si is strong only because I have agoraphobia and can't leave the house to travel to my location due to the intense anxiety and OCD, and racing, paranoid thoughts. This constant fear feels like torture. My brain is going at 110 mph. I need my brain to be quiet and slow down, I want to stop being terrified so I can die and escape my mental and physical illnesses.

I can't take ssris, snris, or anything that raises serotonin or blocks histamine receptors (I get brain zaps.) This mostly leaves anticonvulsants. So what anticonvulsant have you taken that helps with your anxiety and OCD, and reduces Si, and doesn't affect your ability to cry? I've been on medications in the past where I've been so sad and depressed and empty, but couldn't cry, and this is a dealbreaker for me. I can't handle being unable to cry when I'm depressed.

I'm feeling so horrible. I scream and cry all day and I pace the floors and my thoughts are constantly racing. I really just want to feel stable, so that I can execute my plan. That's all I want. When I'm on Klonopin, my anxiety and OCD go away, so my Si disappears, and I finally feel relaxed, because I know I can end it. What anticonvulsant can I take that could possibility do this? I just need to be stable.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

But if Klonopin does the trick, why are you asking for anticonvulsants? I think naming any medication would be against forum rules.

 

[autumnal]

It's hard to type, so I apologize if some of this doesn't make sense. I have severe anxiety and OCD, and I'm currently experiencing hypomania. I want to be on a medication that will decrease Si (survival instinct) but help reduce my severe anxiety as well. I'm currently on Inderal, Gabapentin, and Minipress, and Klonopin several times a week. I need to get this anxiety and OCD under control so I can execute my suicide. I don't have Si when it comes to partial or overdosing, which haven't worked, I 100% want to die, but when it comes to jumping, my chosen method, my Si is strong only because I have agoraphobia and can't leave the house to travel to my location due to the intense anxiety and OCD, and racing, paranoid thoughts. This constant fear feels like torture. My brain is going at 110 mph. I need my brain to be quiet and slow down, I want to stop being terrified so I can die and escape my mental and physical illnesses.

I can't take ssris, snris, or anything that raises serotonin or blocks histamine receptors (I get brain zaps.) This mostly leaves anticonvulsants. So what anticonvulsant have you taken that helps with your anxiety and OCD, and reduces Si, and doesn't affect your ability to cry? I've been on medications in the past where I've been so sad and depressed and empty, but couldn't cry, and this is a dealbreaker for me. I can't handle being unable to cry when I'm depressed.

I'm feeling so horrible. I scream and cry all day and I pace the floors and my thoughts are constantly racing. I really just want to feel stable, so that I can execute my plan. That's all I want. When I'm on Klonopin, my anxiety and OCD go away, so my Si disappears, and I finally feel relaxed, because I know I can end it. What anticonvulsant can I take that could possibility do this? I just need to be stable.

What specifically makes you think it is hypomania you are experiencing? Has a professional said this? Do you have any kind of bipolar or cyclothymia diagnosis?

 

[tryingtoescape]

What specifically makes you think it is hypomania you are experiencing? Has a professional said this? Do you have any kind of bipolar or cyclothymia diagnosis?

I'm not sure. My thoughts are racing, and I can't control them. I feel them slow down a little, maybe by only 5% when I take a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic. I'm suffering so much, I can't take it. I'm going to ask my doctor when I see him in 2 days.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar by one medical professional, and another said it was a misdiagnosis, so I don't know.

But if Klonopin does the trick, why are you asking for anticonvulsants? I think naming any medication would be against forum rules.

Klonopin helps but I don't want to develop a chemical dependence so I'm trying not to take it everyday. I need a daily mood stabilizer to help with the severe anxiety. I can't even function. I can't handle it anymore. I just want to feel stable and calm.

 

[autumnal]

I'm not sure. My thoughts are racing, and I can't control them. I feel them slow down a little, maybe by only 5% when I take a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic. I'm suffering so much, I can't take it. I'm going to ask my doctor when I see him in 2 days.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar by one medical professional, and another said it was a misdiagnosis, so I don't know.

Good, sounds like you should definitely speak to your doctor before assuming it is hypomania that you are experiencing.

Klonopin helps but I don't want to develop a chemical dependence so I'm trying not to take it everyday. I need a daily mood stabilizer to help with the severe anxiety. I can't even function. I can't handle it anymore. I just want to feel stable and calm.

I don't know why you feel reluctant to develop a 'chemical dependence' on your prescription medications (although 'dependence' is not really the right term to use, because it implies a negative pattern of use, non-prescription use or excessive dosage). I can guarantee categorically that any possible (future) negatives of benzodiazepine tolerance will be well and truly outweighed by the current positive effects of reducing your severe anxiety, reducing your suffering and giving any longer-term medications your doctor tries a chance to establish a proper foothold.

You are in crisis now, so treat the state you are in now. Do not worry about the point in the future when you may need to cease usage of benzodiazepines. That is a much less important issue than your current state.

Additionally, your irregular use of benzodiazepines will result in a see-saw pattern of your anxiety raising and lowering. Each time you experience this resurgence of anxiety, you could be mistaking it for...wait for it...an episode of hyopmania!

 

[tryingtoescape]

Good, sounds like you should definitely speak to your doctor before assuming it is hypomania that you are experiencing.

I might be mistaking my anxiety and racing thoughts for hypomania. One of the diagnoses from my medical records from my last hospitalization say "Bipolar, current episode mixed, severe, without psychotic features." I felt similar then. Another medical professional said it was a misdiagnosis though so I'm still not sure. I'll ask my doctor.

I don't know why you feel reluctant to develop a 'chemical dependence' on your prescription medications (although 'dependence' is not really the right term to use, because it implies a negative pattern of use, non-prescription use or excessive dosage). I can guarantee categorically that any possible (future) negatives of benzodiazepine tolerance will be well and truly outweighed by the current positive effects of reducing your severe anxiety, reducing your suffering and giving any longer-term medications your doctor tries a chance to establish a proper foothold.

You are in crisis now, so treat the state you are in now. Do not worry about the point in the future when you may need to cease usage of benzodiazepines. That is a much less important issue than your current state.

Additionally, your irregular use of benzodiazepines will result in a see-saw pattern of your anxiety raising and lowering. Each time you experience this resurgence of anxiety, you could be mistaking it for...wait for it...an episode of hyopmania!

My doctor said I could use it 3 or 4 times a week safely. I usually end up using it 2-3 times a week, but 3 times for the past couples weeks. And before I ever took a benzodiazepine, my anxiety was just as bad, to the point where I used to go through episodes where I'd throw up daily due to the intense anxiety. But I really hope my irregular use isn't contributing to my current level of anxiety.

 

[autumnal]

I might be mistaking my anxiety and racing thoughts for hypomania. One of the diagnoses from my medical records from my last hospitalization say "Bipolar, current episode mixed, severe, without psychotic features." I felt similar then. Another medical professional said it was a misdiagnosis though so I'm still not sure. I'll ask my doctor.

My doctor said I could use it 3 or 4 times a week safely. I usually end up using it 2-3 times a week, but 3 times for the past couples weeks. And before I ever took a benzodiazepine, my anxiety was just as bad, to the point where I used to go through episodes where I'd throw up daily due to the intense anxiety. But I really hope my irregular use isn't contributing to my current level of anxiety.

Please do keep us posted here on what the doctor says.

I'd say right now, your anxiety and overthinking about finding a diagnosis, and about the effects of the medications themselves, is probably making things a lot worse.

 

[tryingtoescape]

Please do keep us posted here on what the doctor says.

I'd say right now, your anxiety and overthinking about finding a diagnosis, and about the effects of the medications themselves, is probably making things a lot worse.

I just came back from my appointment. The TV was playing in the waiting room and I felt like screaming. He called me in and I immidately started crying when I walked in.

He prescribed me a new mood stabilizer and a new sleeping medication. He did say I was experiencing hypomania and the lack of sleep and racing thoughts was due to that.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Congrats for making it dear! Could you share what medications he prescribed? And what is your diagnosis?

 

[tryingtoescape]

Congrats for making it dear! Could you share what medications he prescribed? And what is your diagnosis?

Thank you, he prescribed Tegretol and Lunesta for sleep. I've never taken either before. I'm also still taking those other 3 medications of course. I've taken the mood stabilizer Lamictal before and it was slightly helpful but I don't think it was effective enough for the hypomania.

I've been diagnosed with Anxiety, OCD, BPD, treatment resistant major depressive disorder when I was in the hospital, and Bipolar Disorder when I was in the hospital as well. I'm not sure if the Bipolar diagnosis is accurate because I thought it was unlikely to have both BPD and Bipolar but I guess it is now.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm glad you got some relief. Please use them as advised.
I'm sorry that you have so many diagnoses. I hope that being able to sleep will make you calmer and less anxious.

 

[tryingtoescape]

I'm glad you got some relief. Please use them as advised.
I'm sorry that you have so many diagnoses. I hope that being able to sleep will make you calmer and less anxious.

Thank you, I really hope I can sleep at least :( I'm so tired of falling asleep at 8 am every single day. I just want this anxiety under control.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

From Lunesta you will sleep for sure