I have 1 bottle of N from A from 2021 and I'm hoping it's still good. Kinda regret not getting 2 bottles, but alas. Based on the sticked thread "Stability of SN and N", there's a good chance my N is still good. It works in my favour that I'm a very lightweight person (under 50kg) so even if the potency is slightly diminished, I think 6g should be plenty. Pretty sure PPH at the time said 1 was enough and I even asked A when buying it and he agreed 1 bottle was sufficient given my weight.
I have meto, which is still within it's use by date. I also have diazapam, which is prescribed to me. So my protocol will be this:
I've developed this based on what I remember of the protocol, PPH, this forum, videos from Dignitas, and my own personal preferences. I wonder if any SaSu veterans can weigh in here with some of my questions:
- Does the fasting need to be total - that is no liquids at all? No water? No flavoured drinks at all like juice/soft drink/tea etc?
- How many diazapam to take? I kinda randomly chose 7. I imagine there will be quite a bit of anxiety when the time comes, not necessarily from being unsure, but.. well.. killing yourself is HARD! I have a total of 14 x 5g diazapam, but I feel like taking 14 at a time would put me straight to sleep and I wouldn't be able to wait the 30 mins to drink the N!
- Would smoking cigarettes affect anything? I'd definitely like to enjoy a couple of them before the final drink.
- What do you think of the timing? meto - 30 min - benzo - 30 min - N?
- I'd rather be fully lying down and cosy like I'm going to sleep, but I think I remember there's more chance of throwing up? So sitting up is better? In the Dignitas videos they're always sitting up...
- Anything else?
I imagine I'll be pretty scared.. but also I don't know, I think I'm starting to finally be more at peace with it. If the diazepam does it's job as well then maybe I'll feel ok with it. Seriously hoping I'm able to get all the N down, and I don't throw up. It would be SO awful to go through all this, perfectly planned, getting in the right mindset to finally go through with it.... and then end up waking up at some point for getting some tiny stupid detail wrong... Just no!!
Also, I'm looking for the N megathread if anyone has a link for me. It is not stickied, and is not in the Suicide Resource Compilation, and I've tried the search function as well (searched "N Protocol" and "N megathread"... can't find it). I remember the existence of this thread from years ago, it was massive and extremely detailed and helpful. Given that it's impossible to procure N these days, and I only have 1 bottle, I want to browse the megathread to make sure I do everything right. I cannot waste this chance, I only have one. Lately I have started to become more calm about my time coming. But it's still scary, especially because we are forced to do it alone. TIA!
I have meto, which is still within it's use by date. I also have diazapam, which is prescribed to me. So my protocol will be this:
- Fast for 8 hours
- Meto 10mg x 3 - Stat dose
- Wait 30 mins
- Diazepam 5g x 7 (to help with anxiety)
- Wait 30 mins
- Drink the N quickly, big gulps, hold nose while drinking so I can minimise the taste, just get it down as quickly as possible
- Immediately follow up with a few mouthfuls of apple juice and a piece of dark chocolate
- Put on a re-assuring YouTube video, or a meditation/relaxation audio
- Be sitting up at a slight recline
- It should take 3 minutes to fall asleep
I've developed this based on what I remember of the protocol, PPH, this forum, videos from Dignitas, and my own personal preferences. I wonder if any SaSu veterans can weigh in here with some of my questions:
- Does the fasting need to be total - that is no liquids at all? No water? No flavoured drinks at all like juice/soft drink/tea etc?
- How many diazapam to take? I kinda randomly chose 7. I imagine there will be quite a bit of anxiety when the time comes, not necessarily from being unsure, but.. well.. killing yourself is HARD! I have a total of 14 x 5g diazapam, but I feel like taking 14 at a time would put me straight to sleep and I wouldn't be able to wait the 30 mins to drink the N!
- Would smoking cigarettes affect anything? I'd definitely like to enjoy a couple of them before the final drink.
- What do you think of the timing? meto - 30 min - benzo - 30 min - N?
- I'd rather be fully lying down and cosy like I'm going to sleep, but I think I remember there's more chance of throwing up? So sitting up is better? In the Dignitas videos they're always sitting up...
- Anything else?
I imagine I'll be pretty scared.. but also I don't know, I think I'm starting to finally be more at peace with it. If the diazepam does it's job as well then maybe I'll feel ok with it. Seriously hoping I'm able to get all the N down, and I don't throw up. It would be SO awful to go through all this, perfectly planned, getting in the right mindset to finally go through with it.... and then end up waking up at some point for getting some tiny stupid detail wrong... Just no!!
Also, I'm looking for the N megathread if anyone has a link for me. It is not stickied, and is not in the Suicide Resource Compilation, and I've tried the search function as well (searched "N Protocol" and "N megathread"... can't find it). I remember the existence of this thread from years ago, it was massive and extremely detailed and helpful. Given that it's impossible to procure N these days, and I only have 1 bottle, I want to browse the megathread to make sure I do everything right. I cannot waste this chance, I only have one. Lately I have started to become more calm about my time coming. But it's still scary, especially because we are forced to do it alone. TIA!
