HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING; INCLUDES TRAUMATIC TOPICS.
Hi, I will go by the name M. I'm from America. I'm a mixed-hispanic girl, and born on December 25th. I like horror games, or video games in general. My favorite is Spookys House of Jumpscares, Pale Luna, and IMSCARED. I love mint chocolate chip ice cream. My favorite color is blue. I love Winter. I love Evillious Chronicles and Vocaloid, my favorite song is whitley by nova. I love MLP, it was my childhood show and I like a lot of animes such as DBZ, Soul Eater, and JJBA. I have loving parents, but my relationship with them is still fucked up. I hit puberty when I was 8 years old, and I believe that's when my horrid life began to unfold. I have gotten sexually assaulted for the first time when I was in elementary school. The second time was when I was in 5th grade. Besides that anyways, I've had unrestricted internet access since I was 7 I believe. Getting groomed consistently, not having the best relationship with my parents, and getting bullied a lot in school has shaped me into becoming a horrible person who hurts people they love even if they don't deserve it. I've tried so hard to change, to change my lifestyle, to change everything, but I simply cannot. I, for some reason, always do the wrong things and say the wrong things. I was not even a good girlfriend to a lot of people I was with. I regret it, I really do, but I can't change for some reason. I'm truly horrible, and I don't deserve to live. I deserve to get groomed again or get raped again. I really do deserve it, I deserve a lot of things happening to me. This fucking deserted lonely life I've lived isn't worth living anymore. I can't take it anymore.
I've been groomed so many times and sexually harassed and even coerced twice. Every-time I look at my own body, I just feel disgust since I'm a chubby girl. I am also Schizo, which makes everything worse for me and makes my feelings so much more intense due to hallucinations. I make bad decisions when I have an episode, which isn't an excuse at all. Honestly, it's so hard to not take drugs at this point in time. It's not like I deserve to live anyways. I know I should probably kill myself either way, but a girl can only wish so much to change her past and her ways. I think I should also be killed by someone, or sometimes I think about getting brutally raped and dying from blood loss which is very painful, but I'd deserve it anyways.
To the people I've hurt, I'm sorry. But not enough sorrys will ever fix what I've done. It doesn't matter if I am sorry, I just shouldn't have done those things in general. I'm sorry. To St, I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than me, someone who has hurt you terribly. You deserve the world for being so kind to me and caring, but unfortunately I was the wrong person who was lucky enough to experience your kindness. I want you to find someone beautiful, kind, caring, and someone who doesn't suck at showing affection like I did. Someone who would never hurt you and someone who would take care of you no matter what happens. That is the least you deserve.
I will continue this later on, but for now this is all.
I know I have been a manipulative pos since I was 10 years old. I've grown up to be the worst person I know and I can't cope with that. I want to finally be free, and be a better spirit, and heal the people I've hurt by finally ending my life. I want to do this as the last act to show I do care about them, and to finally let them be happy. I want them to be very happy and heal because I killed myself. I wish I was a good person. I wish I could change. I wish these things never happened to me.
Hi, I will go by the name M. I'm from America. I'm a mixed-hispanic girl, and born on December 25th. I like horror games, or video games in general. My favorite is Spookys House of Jumpscares, Pale Luna, and IMSCARED. I love mint chocolate chip ice cream. My favorite color is blue. I love Winter. I love Evillious Chronicles and Vocaloid, my favorite song is whitley by nova. I love MLP, it was my childhood show and I like a lot of animes such as DBZ, Soul Eater, and JJBA. I have loving parents, but my relationship with them is still fucked up. I hit puberty when I was 8 years old, and I believe that's when my horrid life began to unfold. I have gotten sexually assaulted for the first time when I was in elementary school. The second time was when I was in 5th grade. Besides that anyways, I've had unrestricted internet access since I was 7 I believe. Getting groomed consistently, not having the best relationship with my parents, and getting bullied a lot in school has shaped me into becoming a horrible person who hurts people they love even if they don't deserve it. I've tried so hard to change, to change my lifestyle, to change everything, but I simply cannot. I, for some reason, always do the wrong things and say the wrong things. I was not even a good girlfriend to a lot of people I was with. I regret it, I really do, but I can't change for some reason. I'm truly horrible, and I don't deserve to live. I deserve to get groomed again or get raped again. I really do deserve it, I deserve a lot of things happening to me. This fucking deserted lonely life I've lived isn't worth living anymore. I can't take it anymore.
I've been groomed so many times and sexually harassed and even coerced twice. Every-time I look at my own body, I just feel disgust since I'm a chubby girl. I am also Schizo, which makes everything worse for me and makes my feelings so much more intense due to hallucinations. I make bad decisions when I have an episode, which isn't an excuse at all. Honestly, it's so hard to not take drugs at this point in time. It's not like I deserve to live anyways. I know I should probably kill myself either way, but a girl can only wish so much to change her past and her ways. I think I should also be killed by someone, or sometimes I think about getting brutally raped and dying from blood loss which is very painful, but I'd deserve it anyways.
To the people I've hurt, I'm sorry. But not enough sorrys will ever fix what I've done. It doesn't matter if I am sorry, I just shouldn't have done those things in general. I'm sorry. To St, I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than me, someone who has hurt you terribly. You deserve the world for being so kind to me and caring, but unfortunately I was the wrong person who was lucky enough to experience your kindness. I want you to find someone beautiful, kind, caring, and someone who doesn't suck at showing affection like I did. Someone who would never hurt you and someone who would take care of you no matter what happens. That is the least you deserve.
I will continue this later on, but for now this is all.
I know I have been a manipulative pos since I was 10 years old. I've grown up to be the worst person I know and I can't cope with that. I want to finally be free, and be a better spirit, and heal the people I've hurt by finally ending my life. I want to do this as the last act to show I do care about them, and to finally let them be happy. I want them to be very happy and heal because I killed myself. I wish I was a good person. I wish I could change. I wish these things never happened to me.
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