Discussion I've caused so much harm to people.

[Lucc27]

Ive caused so much suffering and harm to the people I've loved most. Since a few years ago, I've been trying to improve myself but still to this day, I hurt people really badly, even to the point of giving them trauma even if I'm not in the picture anymore.

I want to CTB, and although I know it would cause further harm to my family, I feel like it would prevent so much harm I would/willl/have caused to people in the past, present, and future (friends, girlfriends...etc) . I seriously do not want to continue living if I keep hurting the people I love most over and over again even though I want to fix myself and change.

Do any of you guys experience something similar? Or feel the same way?

 

[YourLocalEdgelord]

Do you wanna talk more about this? What happened between you and them? Are they still on good terms with you?

Either way, sorry you're hurting so much. Hugs <3

 

[charlieee]

Ive caused so much suffering and harm to the people I've loved most. Since a few years ago, I've been trying to improve myself but still to this day, I hurt people really badly, even to the point of giving them trauma even if I'm not in the picture anymore.

I want to CTB, and although I know it would cause further harm to my family, I feel like it would prevent so much harm I would/willl/have caused to people in the past, present, and future (friends, girlfriends...etc) . I seriously do not want to continue living if I keep hurting the people I love most over and over again even though I want to fix myself and change.

Do any of you guys experience something similar? Or feel the same way?

Look, I understand you feel shitty about your bad actions, and that in my opinion is a pretty good way to know that you're not a horrible person at the core.

We are currently more than 8 billion people, among us, people who kill for fun, SA , and so much more horrible thing and don't feel a glimpse of remorse.
I don't mean for you to erase the bad things that you've done to people but just to put things into perspective. On the spectrum of piece of shits, you're not on the end of it.

Now, you've wronged people. I don't know exactly what you did but, you can't take it back so beating yourself over it is not the move in my opinion.
You working daily to be a better person is already more than most people are willing to do. That's a step forward. I would suggest you to keep going.

We all hurt people at some point, the people you've hurt probably did or will hurt others too at some point in their life.
Keep on growing lad, wishing you the best.

 

[TCD]

There's no feeling in the world like guilt. Nothing. There's nothing I can do about it. No way to go back and fix things. Forgiveness isn't just impossible, it's something shameful to even want.

I don't know how people deal with it. I don't know how they brush off their own mistakes so easily. Sometimes I imagine they all must be perfect people. They must not really mess up the way that I do. There must be some bright read like between the good and the bad people and I'm on one side of that line forever and ever.

I too have wanted to die. At least that would ensure the pain stops. But I've felt the same apprehensions about it that you do. That it would hurt the people I love.

I have no idea how to get past this. Guilt is a horrible horrible thing. I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I'm so sorry.

 

[Risingsadness]

There's no feeling in the world like guilt. Nothing. There's nothing I can do about it. No way to go back and fix things. Forgiveness isn't just impossible, it's something shameful to even want.

I don't know how people deal with it. I don't know how they brush off their own mistakes so easily. Sometimes I imagine they all must be perfect people. They must not really mess up the way that I do. There must be some bright read like between the good and the bad people and I'm on one side of that line forever and ever.

I too have wanted to die. At least that would ensure the pain stops. But I've felt the same apprehensions about it that you do. That it would hurt the people I love.

I have no idea how to get past this. Guilt is a horrible horrible thing. I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I'm so sorry.

Guilt is torture. I'm wracked by it every hour of the day.

Ive caused so much suffering and harm to the people I've loved most. Since a few years ago, I've been trying to improve myself but still to this day, I hurt people really badly, even to the point of giving them trauma even if I'm not in the picture anymore.

I want to CTB, and although I know it would cause further harm to my family, I feel like it would prevent so much harm I would/willl/have caused to people in the past, present, and future (friends, girlfriends...etc) . I seriously do not want to continue living if I keep hurting the people I love most over and over again even though I want to fix myself and change.

Do any of you guys experience something similar? Or feel the same way?

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat. I have caused so much suffering and I can't seem to quit even when I know better. The only way I see to stop my toxicity is ctb

 

[itsgone2]

Do any of you guys experience something similar? Or feel the same way?

Yes. It's truly awful. A deeper pain than anything else I've ever felt. It's what will end me ultimately.
For those not experiencing it there's no way to explain.
But everyone here has some pain I'd imagine. I wouldn't wish this on anyone though.
Need to escape it all

 

[Manfrotto99]

I often wonder if some people of here blame themselves because it somehow gives a reason for feeling punished and getting a shitty deal in life. I use to feel this way. The truth is we all hurt people all the time, intentionally or unintentionally. Have you spoken and apologised to these people? It may not have even been a big deal for them and an apology may go a long way. The main thing is you learn and try to treat others better next time. No one is perfect. Also sometimes we may cause suffering to others because we are afraid to get too close and hurt so we get in first. Therapy might help with this. You may be surprised how understanding people are.

People who really hurt others with ill intentions rarely feel remorse or take responsibility for their actions. They truly believe they are entitled to hurt others for what ever reason tthey can justify in their head, they will deny it or blame the person they hurt for making them do iit. I have several people like this in my life. They never could harm a fly in their opinion...but others including myself, are always doing things to hurt them.