my grandma died this morning

[LongForWordlessSong]

its crazy because, i planned to kill myself with SN literally today, tested it and posted about it on here like yesterday.
now i feel really guilty, mostly for my mom, to lose a child and a mother on the same day. fuck. idk if i should go through with it but i kind of need to be "selfish" here, idk. should i wait? the testing of the SN might make it more unstable I feel like I'm ready too completely detached from any will to do anything more and I'm ready to go but man this had to happen today

 

[attheend13]

its crazy because, i planned to kill myself with SN literally today, tested it and posted about it on here like yesterday.
now i feel really guilty, mostly for my mom, to lose a child and a mother on the same day. fuck. idk if i should go through with it but i kind of need to be "selfish" here, idk. should i wait? the testing of the SN might make it more unstable I feel like I'm ready too completely detached from any will to do anything more and I'm ready to go but man this had to happen today

If CTB is your choice I don't know if waiting a day or week will matter. Grief is grief. It's one thing none of us can control, the ones we leave behind. People feel guilty. If they knew they feel they failed you and if they didn't they feel that too. Ironically I can't even get people to return a text but I bet they would tell others they were grieving me if I did CTB. I think people like to attach themselves to a "tragedy" actually. But I am sorry for the loss of your grandma. Maybe watching the grief and the loss will influence your own decision? I hope you find hope and / or courage whatever your choice. It's yours to make. In the end, that's all that hasn't been taken from me in this life. My choice is mine, I just wish I knew what choice that was.

 

[bookgirl]

I'm so sorry

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Only you can know what is best. Grief won't change if there is no way for you to postpone your plan.

I'm sorry you lost your grandma.

 

[the_last_race]

It won't matter at all, because as you die - whole universe just ceases to exist. Your mother and her grief as well. Sorry for the loss of your grandma, but still it won't matter to you in the slightest.

 

[theboy]

it's a difficult situation. in fact, my grandfather died a few months ago and i also think what would my mother do losing two important people. better wait and see what happens. pm if you want

 

[LongForWordlessSong]

It won't matter at all, because as you die - whole universe just ceases to exist. Your mother and her grief as well. Sorry for the loss of your grandma, but still it won't matter to you in the slightest.

That's what I was thinking. After a lifetime of contemplation, I'm pretty sure death is just like what you remember from before you were born. It's oblivion or rather, we exist now in a state of being, and all being comes from non-being. Or it can be looked at as something which is above being and non-being, God. So yeah, the universe will cease to exist as I will cease to exist and literally nothing that happens afterwards would affect "me" in the slightest because "me" has always been an illusion and that illusion will be broken.

 

[Humble]

If you're having second thoughts, theres a part of you still wanting to hold on, I suggest holding on for a little bit longer, which i know can be hard, but I totally believe in you. I know you feel like you must be "selfish" and go through with it, but you will one day die too; everyone will. I feel like cutting your time short is denying any future. I can't word it right, but I really do hope you know what I mean.