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T

ThatStateOfMind

Paragon
Nov 13, 2021
946
I really don't like those types of people who use suicide threats for attention/manipulation and I suppose I am worried I'll be one of them if I change my mind lol.
Don't worry, no one will view you like that if you don't do it. If you can't do it, way I see it, it just wasn't your time to go yet. You'll know when you're ready to go, and no one else does besides you.
 
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pinkribbonscars

She’s lost control
Oct 7, 2021
148
This looks delicious...
I only ate the mac and cheese. Tossing the sandwich. It is the Mediterranean veggie from Panera bread. It's really good, but my appetite isn't as large as it used to be and food feels more like a chore than anything anymore. It's awful. I would not of eaten today if it weren't for feeling lightheaded.

***

Sweet holy Jesus my gofundme was created 5 days ago. That's intense. Time has really flown by hasn't it? Cannot believe it's nearing a week since I was found giving away possessions and boycotted my attempt.

I'm taking a bit of a break to drink some vodka. Lol. Watch a show maybe. I dunno. Here's a fab haul for you guys:

Image
I will be sure to let y'all know when I'm leaving this cesspool.
 
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A

Anon7b8

Experienced
Aug 21, 2023
218
I only ate the mac and cheese. Tossing the sandwich. It is the Mediterranean veggie from Panera bread. It's really good, but my appetite isn't as large as it used to be and food feels more like a chore than anything anymore. It's awful. I would not of eaten today if it weren't for feeling lightheaded.
Would've wish i could taste that. Enjoy destressing.
 
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venin

venin

Text
Jul 28, 2023
757
I wish you find peace 💜🤗
 
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Kerrtu

Kerrtu

Komeetta ♊︎
May 8, 2023
474
I only ate the mac and cheese. Tossing the sandwich. It is the Mediterranean veggie from Panera bread. It's really good, but my appetite isn't as large as it used to be and food feels more like a chore than anything anymore. It's awful. I would not of eaten today if it weren't for feeling lightheaded.

***

Sweet holy Jesus my gofundme was created 5 days ago. That's intense. Time has really flown by hasn't it? Cannot believe it's nearing a week since I was found giving away possessions and boycotted my attempt.

I'm taking a bit of a break to drink some vodka. Lol. Watch a show maybe. I dunno. Here's a fab haul for you guys:

View attachment 119137
I will be sure to let y'all know when I'm leaving this cesspool.

You beautiful soul, your first sign was so striking - you really nailed it. I felt it was a battle cry for all who have been failed by so-called mental health systems, for those who trusted it was alright to vocalize their pain only to be ostracized once they had spoken. For many of us who have been abandoned by so-called "family" and/or "friends".

I am thinking of you and holding you close to my heart. I wish I could've sat and had that meal with you - I haven't been able to eat solids and when I saw the pic of the macaroni and cheese…🥹

It was so endearing.

As some have said in this thread, I'll echo the sentiment: please try not to be hard on yourself (easier said than done). Whether it be things not exactly going to plan, or not being able to go on a day you had in mind, etc.

I had been planning for the 26th and was disappointed I wasn't able to.

Sending you a big hug 🫂
 
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pinkribbonscars

She’s lost control
Oct 7, 2021
148
Would've wish i could taste that. Enjoy destressing.
I would of gladly given you some!

Image
Gifts for my sister… whatever she does not want she may give to her half sisters.

I will miss that SpongeBob movie shirt… it came from pop tart box tops and is nearly 20 years old. My mom was given it at a bar and gave it to me.

Hopefully no one catches me dropping things off on their doorstep it's how I was caught last time but that person was an outlier. Still nervous tho. I must act quickly.
 
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venin

venin

Text
Jul 28, 2023
757
I would of gladly given you some!

View attachment 119145
Gifts for my sister… whatever she does not want she may give to her half sisters.

I will miss that SpongeBob movie shirt… it came from pop tart box tops and is nearly 20 years old. My mom was given it at a bar and gave it to me.

Hopefully no one catches me dropping things off on their doorstep it's how I was caught last time but that person was an outlier. Still nervous tho. I must act quickly.
You seem such a nice human being… sorry to see you leave but I understand completely 💜
 
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pinkribbonscars

She’s lost control
Oct 7, 2021
148
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A

aquasaltstripes

Member
Jul 2, 2023
52
They say people ctb because they see no other option, but that's not true in my case. I'm 29. My lizard brain is telling me I'm old and ugly and it's too late and my life is over and I'm ruined and fucked. Realistically I know that isn't true. I'm still young, and I have enough experience that I could bounce back from my failures and turn my entire life around. I could seek help and learn how to deal with my negative self-talk and depression.

But you know what? I'm tired and I don't want to work on recovery, I don't even feel like I deserve recovery. I would say my life has zero purpose. I mean no one has a purpose in life beyond breeding, I just accept that and have realized that I no longer want to live out of spite. I wait to die out of spite for being born against my will and experiencing pain I never wanted. I am a product of my traumatic environment. I let depression win. I submit to defeat.

I'm at peace with no longer fighting and existing despite it all. I don't want to learn to cope with my lizard brain. I want it to stop. I know how to make it stop instantly.

I am at a comedy show with my sister and her boyfriend… her bf's band was the opening act. I'm saying goodbye to them and they don't even know.

This will be my thread to chronicle my final days. Committing suicide is so lonely because you want to say good bye or have people with you before you go but you can't because they'll involuntarily commit you otherwise. So strangers on an Internet forum are my alternative. Thank you for being with me here before I go.

I am unsure when I'm going to go. Sometime this week I believe. Maybe I'll even change my mind and decide to hang on in the process! Either way thank you for supporting me during my journey if you're reading this

Also I forgot to add that I've already donated some of my clothes to thrift so while I may have a change of heart, I'm quite sure this is inevitable. I can't afford new clothes so like i pretty much have to now lol!
An existence based on forever running away from our primal instincts truly is exhausting. It was cool talking with you about hanging. Wish you way more than luck <3
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,872
I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace!
 
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didntmeantohauntyou

didntmeantohauntyou

Sorry4dying
Aug 23, 2023
40
you're not only a good member of this community but also just a caring kind person. From the small time i got the opportunity to talk to you i know the world will miss your presence. Goodbye i wish you luck on your journey into the unknown <3
 
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peaches

Student
Oct 19, 2022
105
In response to:

I know, I mourn this every time that I attempt. I want to die surrounded by people that care, but I can't because they'll intervene, so instead, I'm stuck dying alone.
I relate to so much on this thread, and most of all, this. I wish you and all the people on this site who responded with compassion, peace. However you need to find it.
 
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heavyeyes

heavyeyes

Oct 9, 2022
1,551
Farewell 🤍 I hope everything goes smoothly
 
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pinkribbonscars

She’s lost control
Oct 7, 2021
148
Taking a break while my second sign dries (I will not be posting it because it advertises my gofundme which I believe violates rules here).

You beautiful soul, your first sign was so striking - you really nailed it. I felt it was a battle cry for all who have been failed by so-called mental health systems, for those who trusted it was alright to vocalize their pain only to be ostracized once they had spoken. For many of us who have been abandoned by so-called "family" and/or "friends".

I am thinking of you and holding you close to my heart. I wish I could've sat and had that meal with you - I haven't been able to eat solids and when I saw the pic of the macaroni and cheese…🥹

It was so endearing.

As some have said in this thread, I'll echo the sentiment: please try not to be hard on yourself (easier said than done). Whether it be things not exactly going to plan, or not being able to go on a day you had in mind, etc.

I had been planning for the 26th and was disappointed I wasn't able to.

Sending you a big hug 🫂
Not only is it an outcry against the stigma, ableism, incarceration, and authoritarianism of the mental health field, it's also in respond to budget restraints, waitlists and staff shortages. Things are even worse since Covid. Nearly a year to get a therapist in my area…. What a joke. I mean I can score free 15 minute behavioral health sessions I guess and I can't even be honest or they'd commit me. Oh and two weeks for script to show up at pharmacy due to a transcription error despite being assessed at high risk! Fucking joke!

Fix this shit! Prevent this shit! My problems have progressed to the point I no longer can bare…. Imagine if I got what I needed prior. Broken fucked up system that needs to be revamped

Damn right it's a call for justice. @CW36 and I were discussing how vile murder suicides are. If you want to make a statement you can do it without taking the life of others… hence my protest. I'm not out for others. I want my death to mean something…. Like Leelah Alcorn wished for. If I'm going to hurt those who know me, I'll fight the good fight.

Aw, why can't you eat solids? And it's so frustrating having to thwart plans for real
 
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T

Tulip<3

Student
Aug 16, 2023
112
I'm really glad I haven't missed you. You are someone I would choose as a friend, I can tell. I'm so sorry the system let you down 😞
Selfishly don't want you to go, but whatever happens I wish you peace 💛
 
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pinkribbonscars

She’s lost control
Oct 7, 2021
148
I am at the park now. I have to cancel my Hulu and write instructions for gran and then I'm done with the world.

I could tag so many here…. You are lovely souls. I love you all so much thanks for the support and quelling the loneliness that is ctb… I am so scared but I have to

 
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venin

venin

Text
Jul 28, 2023
757
I am at the park now. I have to cancel my Hulu and write instructions for gran and then I'm done with the world.

I could tag so many here…. You are lovely souls. I love you all so much thanks for the support and quelling the loneliness that is ctb… I am so scared but I have to


Rest in peace 🫂
 
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A

Anon7b8

Experienced
Aug 21, 2023
218
I am at the park now. I have to cancel my Hulu and write instructions for gran and then I'm done with the world.

I could tag so many here…. You are lovely souls. I love you all so much thanks for the support and quelling the loneliness that is ctb… I am so scared but I have to


May you be successful in your endeavour, and have a safe journey.
 
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didntmeantohauntyou

didntmeantohauntyou

Sorry4dying
Aug 23, 2023
40
I am at the park now. I have to cancel my Hulu and write instructions for gran and then I'm done with the world.

I could tag so many here…. You are lovely souls. I love you all so much thanks for the support and quelling the loneliness that is ctb… I am so scared but I have to


Im so sorry pink, I'll miss our conversations. goodbye forever my friend, i know you'll be free to find peace.
 
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CW36

CW36

➕〰️➰
Jul 23, 2023
841
You go from a corruptible, to an incorruptible world.
Where no disturbance can be found, no disturbance at all..


➕
 
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Tulip<3

Student
Aug 16, 2023
112
Sending you so much love. I'm so sorry, we are all virtually holding your hand so you aren't alone through this 💛 I hope you are at peace now.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,872
I wish you a smooth transition. I hope you find the strength you need. I hope you find peace & freedom! Safe travels!!
 
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pinkribbonscars

She’s lost control
Oct 7, 2021
148
Smoking the last cigarette of my life then off I go… it's incredibly cold and I forgot a jacket oops 😬

I am sorry to those I did not message you're all lovely souls all of you are special to me… if I didn't get around to messaging you too much was on my mind @Holu love you and will miss you

Soon I will delete my account, factory reset my phone, and find peace at last… I'm extremely scared, but I know I got this… I just remember we all die, it's my mantra

64A56690 3A71 4E66 B461 C402B35C7A21
Of course I didn't buy enough lace…. But I gave Otto a noose! Lol @XdragonsoulX



Farewell I will miss you guys
 
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CW36

CW36

➕〰️➰
Jul 23, 2023
841
Smoking the last cigarette of my life then off I go… it's incredibly cold and I forgot a jacket oops 😬

I am sorry to those I did not message you're all lovely souls all of you are special to me… if I didn't get around to messaging you too much was on my mind @Holu love you and will miss you

Soon I will delete my account, factory reset my phone, and find peace at last… I'm extremely scared, but I know I got this… I just remember we all die, it's my mantra

View attachment 119171
Of course I didn't buy enough lace…. But I gave Otto a noose! Lol @XdragonsoulX



Farewell I will miss you guys

We Will Miss You Too!
Be Brave &
I'll See You Soon On The Other Side!
 
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corazon

corazon

"a heart's a heavy burden"
Mar 30, 2023
94
Rest well pink, it has been an honor to have crossed paths with you :heart:
 
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pinkribbonscars

She’s lost control
Oct 7, 2021
148
Lol idk how to delete my account
Factory reset time bye guys
 
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N

naxxwom

New Member
Aug 10, 2023
2
They say people ctb because they see no other option, but that's not true in my case. I'm 29. My lizard brain is telling me I'm old and ugly and it's too late and my life is over and I'm ruined and fucked. Realistically I know that isn't true. I'm still young, and I have enough experience that I could bounce back from my failures and turn my entire life around. I could seek help and learn how to deal with my negative self-talk and depression.

But you know what? I'm tired and I don't want to work on recovery, I don't even feel like I deserve recovery. I would say my life has zero purpose. I mean no one has a purpose in life beyond breeding, I just accept that and have realized that I no longer want to live out of spite. I wait to die out of spite for being born against my will and experiencing pain I never wanted. I am a product of my traumatic environment. I let depression win. I submit to defeat.

I'm at peace with no longer fighting and existing despite it all. I don't want to learn to cope with my lizard brain. I want it to stop. I know how to make it stop instantly.

I am at a comedy show with my sister and her boyfriend… her bf's band was the opening act. I'm saying goodbye to them and they don't even know.

This will be my thread to chronicle my final days. Committing suicide is so lonely because you want to say good bye or have people with you before you go but you can't because they'll involuntarily commit you otherwise. So strangers on an Internet forum are my alternative. Thank you for being with me here before I go.

I am unsure when I'm going to go. Sometime this week I believe. Maybe I'll even change my mind and decide to hang on in the process! Either way thank you for supporting me during my journey if you're reading this

Also I forgot to add that I've already donated some of my clothes to thrift so while I may have a change of heart, I'm quite sure this is inevitable. I can't afford new clothes so like i pretty much have to now lol!

I wish you all the best on your journey. May you find peace. Sending lots of love.
 
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アホペンギン

アホペンギン

Jul 10, 2023
2,203
Rest easy, I hope you had a smooth transition and now enjoying the afterlife to its fullest extent! I'm sorry it all came to this but I'm glad you have found peace. ❤️🌹
 
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