My goodbye thread

[heavyeyes]

View attachment 118738
Lol the poster board ripped in places but it will do. I don't have a lot of time

I think your sign looks great :) where are the stencils you used for the letters from? If you don't mind me asking

 

[pinkribbonscars]

I think your sign looks great :) where are the stencils you used for the letters from? If you don't mind me asking

I searched blood letters on Amazon

 

[Holu]

View attachment 118738
Lol the poster board ripped in places but it will do. I don't have a lot of time

I love itttt!

I promise if I do end up living long enough to become a licensed therapist I will do everything in my power to push for this shit while helping the people who are ignored by most therapists.

 

[AnonGermany]

How are you holding up over there. Do you really feel ready today?

 

[pinkribbonscars]

How are you holding up over there. Do you really feel ready today?

Eh well my friend caught me giving shit away, didn't think they'd be awake at 5 am, so I'm sitting at their house lol

Total oh fuck moment

 

[AnonGermany]

:) i hope you guys find alot to talk about and enjoy the time. Depending on your next step this could be a good opportunity to openly talk and a great memory.

 

[soviet_connection1]

Eh well my friend caught me giving shit away, didn't think they'd be awake at 5 am, so I'm sitting at their house lol

Total oh fuck moment

I think you should wait a little bit.

 

[heavyeyes]

Are you still with us @pinkribbonscars ???

 

[didntmeantohauntyou]

I wish you lots of luck with your transition into the unknown. I hope you find peace. P.S. I think the poster board is a great idea and looks great.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Are you still with us @pinkribbonscars ???

Yeah

i was leaving stuff for a couple people cuz I was 5 am and I figured everyone was sleeping

He was up, found me, told him I was downsizing and needed to get rid of stuff, had to go now, he's like "why so urgent what do you have to do in these hours?"

He knew.

sure enough I'm driving for my last stop before the park, I get a text "you're not planning to kill yourself or harm yourself are you? I better hear from you tomorrow."

So the guilt hit me like a freight train. Deleted my time release emails. Stayed here. Crashed for a few hours. Still here.

If he felt like he could talk me out of it, knowing he did nothing to stop it would be guilt he'd carry with him forever. I couldn't do it.

But I'm really fucked, like I tossed my debt bills, my internet routers, i factory reset my laptop. I don't have a choice. Most of my furniture, clothes, my kureig, all gone.

So I'm here so when I go at least he talked to me and won't have that guilt of "what if I had tried to talk her out of it, will she still be here?"

He did, still didn't work.

I still intend to go through with it eventually but timing wasn't right this morning

 

[didntmeantohauntyou]

Sounds like you got yourself into a weird situation. Take things at your own pace and dont be pressured to live for anyone else. Its your life

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Sounds like you got yourself into a weird situation. Take things at your own pace and dont be pressured to live for anyone else. Its your life

Yep, I got caught while engaging in some tell tale signs and sabotaged the whole thing.

I'm still going to do it. I just owe them the chance to believe they tried to help, rather than hold onto thinking they didn't reach out. I wasn't going to, but I'll be sending them a card. They need to know it's not their fault.

I was stressed the entire time and couldn't enjoy myself. My jaw has been hurting and I've been having indigestion. I've been able to eat some toast, a chocolate bar and some olives and cheese and pepperoni and a piece of jerky tho, that's good. Iced tea too. All I ate yesterday was toast and a handful of cereal lol.

The indigestion comes in waves but it really is unbearable. I made myself eat cuz I got lightheaded and squatted in my friends kitchen for awhile. This is mental anguish and no one should force me to feel this way.

I'm going to watch tv and maybe load a box of my kitchen appliances. I have the apartment mostly cleared so it will be a breeze.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Oh my I forgot to delete a time release email I sent a friend and panicked them. Lmfao. I just spent some time with grandma, I'm going to mail off a package and cancel some stuff before 5, then it's off to cleaning the rest of the apartment.

New date is either sat or sun morning. Thank god no one has called the police or I'd be in a psych ward

 

[pinkribbonscars]

God damn it shit balls ️

6 am alarm. I could not delete a time release suicide note email. I was in a pure panic when I couldn't. What was gonna happen when he opened it?

Called me today, was gonna call the cops, was worried I was dead, and is now fucking pissed at me I'm alive and panicked him for no reason.

Things got sabotaged. Early Sunday morning I have to go now. I'm an idiot and I cannot live with myself for doing that to him. Why didn't I think to message him to delete that email? Ugh what is wrong with me.

I was able to throw away and toss all other suicide notes luckily. But I'll continue to post my progress on my journey here. Thanks for supporting me guys! You're the best

I shut off my electric bill today, as I didn't have time to do that before (as I thought I was going to ctb on weds morning, but that got ruined). It's happening. It has to.

 

[AnonGermany]

It seems like the universe really doesnt want you to go.

It will always feel weird to say good luck to someone planning to CTB but regardless of that... good luck and never forget.. no matter how deep you are into your plans, you can always abort them and try to get social/mental/health help from others. You dont HAVE to do it "just" because you put yourself in a troublesome Position due to CTB Plans. Everything can and will be sorted out.

 

[wait.what]

I am glad you're still here, perhaps selfishly so. You seem very kind and compassionate.

Sometimes I wonder if compassionate people are more likely to feel suicidal. They feel everyone else's pain as well as their own.

 

[vaspertine]

I don't really know what to add here except that it seems that there are people around you who love and care about you and that seems like the best place for you to be right now.

I know that maybe that doesn't mean much and I feel so similar to you in so many ways when I read your posts. When shit gets really bad for me, I talk to a friend or spend some time at someone's house and suddenly I can make it through one more day. Not sure where I'm going after that, but sometimes surviving one more day is enough for me.

I wish maybe we had met in real life, you seem like such a wonderful person. Whatever you choose, know that there are people out there, even strangers, that care about you and are thinking about you. Even if you think that you have to go through this for whatever reason, that's okay. But if not? That's okay too. I'm sure you could stay at a friends' for a while until things get a bit better. Sending all the love to you

 

[TheMetalhead]

May you find the peace you deserve... good luck

 

[soviet_connection1]

God damn it shit balls ️

6 am alarm. I could not delete a time release suicide note email. I was in a pure panic when I couldn't. What was gonna happen when he opened it?

Called me today, was gonna call the cops, was worried I was dead, and is now fucking pissed at me I'm alive and panicked him for no reason.

Things got sabotaged. Early Sunday morning I have to go now. I'm an idiot and I cannot live with myself for doing that to him. Why didn't I think to message him to delete that email? Ugh what is wrong with me.

I was able to throw away and toss all other suicide notes luckily. But I'll continue to post my progress on my journey here. Thanks for supporting me guys! You're the best

I shut off my electric bill today, as I didn't have time to do that before (as I thought I was going to ctb on weds morning, but that got ruined). It's happening. It has to.

I want to wish you well and I hope you find peace. You will be missed around here
Good luck on your journey @pinkribbonscars
May you rest in peace.

 

[Zegers]

Being sick fucks up your life... no matter if it's depression, long-term anxiety, anhedonia, disability, etc.

Good wishes in whatever you do.

 

[inpursuitofpeace]

In response to:

"Committing suicide is so lonely because you want to say good bye or have people with you before you go but you can't because they'll involuntarily commit you otherwise"

I know, I mourn this every time that I attempt. I want to die surrounded by people that care, but I can't because they'll intervene, so instead, I'm stuck dying alone.

 

[MidnightGloom]

I sincerely hope you find peace, good luck! So sorry for all the unlucky situations in your journey. Hope you rest well after death

 

[pinkribbonscars]

It seems like the universe really doesnt want you to go.

It will always feel weird to say good luck to someone planning to CTB but regardless of that... good luck and never forget.. no matter how deep you are into your plans, you can always abort them and try to get social/mental/health help from others. You dont HAVE to do it "just" because you put yourself in a troublesome Position due to CTB Plans. Everything can and will be sorted out.

Omg right? My moms neighbor is camping in a cabin outside of town solo and it's his birthday and he invited me… he's getting a cake, like would I be an asshole if I ctb right before his birthday when he wants to celebrate it with me?

God man, I'm really rethinking this. I don't know what to do. It's stressful everything I did, but I have a friend who was willing to help me if I helped him clean his room. It's just overwhelming I got rid of important things….

I don't really know what to add here except that it seems that there are people around you who love and care about you and that seems like the best place for you to be right now.

I know that maybe that doesn't mean much and I feel so similar to you in so many ways when I read your posts. When shit gets really bad for me, I talk to a friend or spend some time at someone's house and suddenly I can make it through one more day. Not sure where I'm going after that, but sometimes surviving one more day is enough for me.

I wish maybe we had met in real life, you seem like such a wonderful person. Whatever you choose, know that there are people out there, even strangers, that care about you and are thinking about you. Even if you think that you have to go through this for whatever reason, that's okay. But if not? That's okay too. I'm sure you could stay at a friends' for a while until things get a bit better. Sending all the love to you

I'm aware there are people who care about me in my life. In some ways I'm a lot luckier than many who ctb because they have no one. In my case that isn't true. But I like to think because they care they would understand and be happy I'm no longer suffering. But I'm rethinking….

And I've thought about staying at my friends for like a month or two. I think being alone in this apartment everyday is apart of the problem.

Being sick fucks up your life... no matter if it's depression, long-term anxiety, anhedonia, disability, etc.

Good wishes in whatever you do.

Yes no one understands. My mental illnesses are ultimately why I want to die and it should be no different than wanting to die from a terminal illness. It's a long term battle and I'm tired of dealing with it. I wish I didn't have to but it's destroyed my life. I struggle to sleep, eat, take care of myself, it's a sickness, idc what anyone says

In response to:

I know, I mourn this every time that I attempt. I want to die surrounded by people that care, but I can't because they'll intervene, so instead, I'm stuck dying alone.

I'm so glad we have this site so we aren't alone when we pass.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Mini haul for thrift. I still have some stuff to pack, but the thrift is open for another two hours so I believe I am good. I don't have much left to clear. I can knock this out in an hour.

I am leaving the earth tomorrow morning around 12-3 am. Stay tuned. I will update. I wasn't crying wolf I promise. It's happening in under 24 hours.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Theres nothing here to promise. Theres no thing as crying wolf in this context
Also im sorry about your situation. ):

 

[babybatz]

I hope you find the peace in whatever you decide x

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Theres nothing here to promise. Theres no thing as crying wolf in this context
Also im sorry about your situation. ):

I really don't like those types of people who use suicide threats for attention/manipulation and I suppose I am worried I'll be one of them if I change my mind lol.

****

Of course, due to procrastination , thrift was closed when I went. I'll have to haul stuff after dark as shitty as that may be.

At Michaels parking lot to buy a few more things to make another sign. Getting some food cuz I barely ate today and I feel like imma pass out. Wanna see my last meal?

 

[pinkribbonscars]

You know what you have to do, to make the pain go away

It pains me so, I wish it weren't this way. I can't enjoy life anymore and I never chose that, so I'm doing what I gotta do.


Idk if I'll eat all of this but I don't wanna pass out so lol. I was seeing spots so I need food, even if it's not pleasurable anymore.

I used to love to cook and bake and try amazing food and I no longer do. If I can't enjoy my passions what is the point

 

[SVEN]

Whatever you decide, and no matter how it all pans out, be kind to yourself and best wishes.

 

[Anon7b8]

It pains me so, I wish it weren't this way. I can't enjoy life anymore and I never chose that, so I'm doing what I gotta do.

View attachment 119133
Idk if I'll eat all of this but I don't wanna pass out so lol. I was seeing spots so I need food, even if it's not pleasurable anymore.

I used to love to cook and bake and try amazing food and I no longer do. If I can't enjoy my passions what is the point

This looks delicious...