Are you still with us @pinkribbonscars ???
Yeah
i was leaving stuff for a couple people cuz I was 5 am and I figured everyone was sleeping
He was up, found me, told him I was downsizing and needed to get rid of stuff, had to go now, he’s like “why so urgent what do you have to do in these hours?”
He
knew.
sure enough I’m driving for my last stop before the park, I get a text “you’re not planning to kill yourself or harm yourself are you? I better hear from you tomorrow.”
So the guilt hit me like a freight train. Deleted my time release emails. Stayed here. Crashed for a few hours. Still here.
If he felt like he could talk me out of it, knowing he did nothing to stop it would be guilt he’d carry with him forever. I couldn’t do it.
But I’m really fucked, like I tossed my debt bills, my internet routers, i factory reset my laptop. I don’t have a choice. Most of my furniture, clothes, my kureig, all gone.
So I’m here so when I go at least he talked to me and won’t have that guilt of “what if I had tried to talk her out of it, will she still be here?”
He did, still didn’t work.
I still intend to go through with it eventually but timing wasn’t right this morning