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kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
It's okay to be scared I am so so sorry it came to this for you. I wish you so much peace. I truly hope we can meet in the afterlife and be very good friends ❤️ it was really amazing to talk to you and learn about you. I will always remember you forever Yūnus.
Okay. I can't believe this is the end. I didn't expect to be so scared. I've been calm all day. But now the time has come, I'm gripped with fear.

I wish I could hug you. I wish I could hug everyone.

IMG 5802
I'm very heartbroken to see you go, but if you're dead set on it I can't change your mind. You can't feel it but I'm giving you a huge hug right now 🌸 this is so damn hard. I hope you find peace and no longer feel pain. Thank you so much for talking to me, it meant the world, and I hope people here have been able to ease your exit ♡ I will miss you so much.
 
LastLoveLetter

LastLoveLetter

Persephone
Mar 28, 2021
661
I usually find it too difficult to read people's final threads because often, I don't feel there's anything helpful or meaningful I can contribute or say. "Safe travels" and "I hope you find peace" feel...hollow (not intended as a criticism of others, just how I personally feel when commenting - nothing really feels like an adequate thing to say in a person's potential final moments).

But once I clicked on your story, I felt compelled to read it through. And I'm so very sorry about what happened to you.

Having experienced rape myself and been horribly betrayed sexually by those I loved and trusted, I truly empathise with how soul-destroying those experiences are. Beyond the violations themselves, it's an absolute shattering of our sense of safety, our autonomy and our trust.

Not to mention the loss of your support network after your ex fiance left, having your friends turned against you by the very person that abandoned you. I'm sorry.

You come across as a genuinely kind and loving person, with a gentle and thoughtful nature in the way you write and engage with others. And it feels like a terrible loss, for such a person (which this world needs more of) to depart this way.

Only you can make that final call. And of course I and many others will respect and understand, should you decide to still go ahead with this. At the end of the day, we have only seen a glimpse of your experiences and suffering that have led you to this point right now. And that glimpse sounds terribly painful.

But I also want you know that you will be supported if you decide not to go through with this too. That it's absolutely okay to change your mind. That there is no shame in cancelling or postponing your plans, if now isn't the time or you want to stay. Death isn't going anywhere.

Here for you regardless of what you choose and what happens.
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
Thank you, everyone. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Please don't feel like you failed me. You guys did so much for me. I'm going to turn my computer off, now. I think if I don't, I'll definitely change my mind. I'm going to depart, now. This is scary. But I'm ready for my trip now. Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you for convincing me to watch Kiki's Delivery Service. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you all. I cannot be more grateful to have experienced so much kindness before my departure. Please know that even the smallest gestures can mean so much to someone. They mean so much to me. I'll come back as a ghost and help you guys cheat on your exams. I'll hug you all in the afterlife. We can all be happy.

This is hypocritical of me, but please love the world a bit more in my place. Please love the things that I'm not here for, anymore. Please love the world. There is so much beauty. So many cups of tea to drink. So many sunrises and sunsets to see. So many moons to appreciate. Please love the world a little more on my behalf. I think the world is worth saving. I think everything will be ok. I think everyone will be ok. I'm ready for my trip into the afterlife now. I wonder what will await me? I hope I can be at peace. If you all are religious, please pray for my soul. Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye for real. Goodbye, to the people that cared for me before I passed away. Goodbye.
 
pepe_felipe

pepe_felipe

Member
Jan 15, 2024
32
I usually find it too difficult to read people's final threads because often, I don't feel there's anything helpful or meaningful I can contribute or say. "Safe travels" and "I hope you find peace" feel...hollow (not intended as a criticism of others, just how I personally feel when commenting - nothing really feels like an adequate thing to say in a person's potential final moments).

But once I clicked on your story, I felt compelled to read it through. And I'm so very sorry about what happened to you.

Having experienced rape myself and been horribly betrayed sexually by those I loved and trusted, I truly empathise with how soul-destroying those experiences are. Beyond the violations themselves, it's an absolute shattering of our sense of safety, our autonomy and our trust.

Not to mention the loss of your support network after your ex fiance left, having your friends turned against you by the very person that abandoned you. I'm sorry.

You come across as a genuinely kind and loving person, with a gentle and thoughtful nature in the way you write and engage with others. And it feels like a terrible loss, for such a person (which this world needs more of) to depart this way.

Only you can make that final call. And of course I and many others will respect and understand, should you decide to still go ahead with this. At the end of the day, we have only seen a glimpse of your experiences and suffering that have led you to this point right now. And that glimpse sounds terribly painful.

But I also want you know that you will be supported if you decide not to go through with this too. That it's absolutely okay to change your mind. That there is no shame in cancelling or postponing your plans, if now isn't the time or you want to stay. Death isn't going anywhere.

Here for you regardless of what you choose and what happens.
well said man
 
heliophobic

heliophobic

Memento Mori
Jan 29, 2024
51
It's kind of weird in a way; so many of us here on this thread that either don't usually get extremely invested in final threads, or that haven't been on the forum in a short while, a variety of reasons that drew us in, and made us stay. For support, to offer condolence, to an obviously hurting but beautiful soul. Life is funny sometimes.
 
pepe_felipe

pepe_felipe

Member
Jan 15, 2024
32
i wish her the best man. im a wreck atm, its bittersweet in that someone can cause such emotion to pour out of me. back to her, whether she willingly wants to go through with her decision or not is a sad occasion that life forced her hand to get to this point. I bet most of us could relate, and in that i'd call it beautiful that she could be "surrounded" by those who understand her after years of maltreatment and feeling as if she was the "crazy one", when in reality we're all like this and those who refuse to accept us do it merely out of spite. she took all the necessary precautions, and even put in effort to conclude the relationships closest to her, i don't see why she doesn't deserve a chance at eternal peace.

whether we get the privilege to see another message from her or not, i commend her bravery and wish her the most peaceful transition. her story will not be forgotten. (i apologize again if this is doing too much, im just feeling a lot rn)
 
Guy_Smiley

Guy_Smiley

Just another lost soul
Jan 4, 2024
353
i wish her the best man. im a wreck atm, its bittersweet in that someone can cause such emotion to pour out of me. back to her, whether she willingly wants to go through with her decision or not is a sad occasion that life forced her hand to get to this point. I bet most of us could relate, and in that i'd call it beautiful that she could be "surrounded" by those who understand her after years of maltreatment and feeling as if she was the "crazy one", when in reality we're all like this and those who refuse to accept us do it merely out of spite. she took all the necessary precautions, and even put in effort to conclude the relationships closest to her, i don't see why she doesn't deserve a chance at eternal peace.

whether we get the privilege to see another message from her or not, i commend her bravery and wish her the most peaceful transition. her story will not be forgotten. (i apologize again if this is doing too much, im just feeling a lot rn)
Very well said, I totally agree.
 
kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
Thank you, everyone. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Please don't feel like you failed me. You guys did so much for me. I'm going to turn my computer off, now. I think if I don't, I'll definitely change my mind. I'm going to depart, now. This is scary. But I'm ready for my trip now. Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you for convincing me to watch Kiki's Delivery Service. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you all. I cannot be more grateful to have experienced so much kindness before my departure. Please know that even the smallest gestures can mean so much to someone. They mean so much to me. I'll come back as a ghost and help you guys cheat on your exams. I'll hug you all in the afterlife. We can all be happy.

This is hypocritical of me, but please love the world a bit more in my place. Please love the things that I'm not here for, anymore. Please love the world. There is so much beauty. So many cups of tea to drink. So many sunrises and sunsets to see. So many moons to appreciate. Please love the world a little more on my behalf. I think the world is worth saving. I think everything will be ok. I think everyone will be ok. I'm ready for my trip into the afterlife now. I wonder what will await me? I hope I can be at peace. If you all are religious, please pray for my soul. Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye for real. Goodbye, to the people that cared for me before I passed away. Goodbye.
I promise I will drink all of the cups of milk tea in the world. I will love the world more for you, and all of the things you love about life and all of the beauty in the world. I hope we can meet in another world and bake all of the things and have a huge tea party. I'm so so happy I could be here in your last moments even though it's so hard to see you go, fuck. It's very hard. I will honor your memory forever. I don't know if you're still here to read this but thank you for being so kind to everyone. I love that we got to bond over Kiki's delivery service and Mocha. I promise to watch all of the shows you recommend. Goodbye Yūnus. I love you.
 
A

ali.hamza

Member
Feb 19, 2024
59
Thank you, everyone. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Please don't feel like you failed me. You guys did so much for me. I'm going to turn my computer off, now. I think if I don't, I'll definitely change my mind. I'm going to depart, now. This is scary. But I'm ready for my trip now. Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you for convincing me to watch Kiki's Delivery Service. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you all. I cannot be more grateful to have experienced so much kindness before my departure. Please know that even the smallest gestures can mean so much to someone. They mean so much to me. I'll come back as a ghost and help you guys cheat on your exams. I'll hug you all in the afterlife. We can all be happy.

This is hypocritical of me, but please love the world a bit more in my place. Please love the things that I'm not here for, anymore. Please love the world. There is so much beauty. So many cups of tea to drink. So many sunrises and sunsets to see. So many moons to appreciate. Please love the world a little more on my behalf. I think the world is worth saving. I think everything will be ok. I think everyone will be ok. I'm ready for my trip into the afterlife now. I wonder what will await me? I hope I can be at peace. If you all are religious, please pray for my soul. Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye for real. Goodbye, to the people that cared for me before I passed away. Goodbye.
🥲
 
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Reactions: puffyclouds
A

ali.hamza

Member
Feb 19, 2024
59
It's 11:36
Thank you, everyone. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Please don't feel like you failed me. You guys did so much for me. I'm going to turn my computer off, now. I think if I don't, I'll definitely change my mind. I'm going to depart, now. This is scary. But I'm ready for my trip now. Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you for convincing me to watch Kiki's Delivery Service. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you all. I cannot be more grateful to have experienced so much kindness before my departure. Please know that even the smallest gestures can mean so much to someone. They mean so much to me. I'll come back as a ghost and help you guys cheat on your exams. I'll hug you all in the afterlife. We can all be happy.

This is hypocritical of me, but please love the world a bit more in my place. Please love the things that I'm not here for, anymore. Please love the world. There is so much beauty. So many cups of tea to drink. So many sunrises and sunsets to see. So many moons to appreciate. Please love the world a little more on my behalf. I think the world is worth saving. I think everything will be ok. I think everyone will be ok. I'm ready for my trip into the afterlife now. I wonder what will await me? I hope I can be at peace. If you all are religious, please pray for my soul. Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye for real. Goodbye, to the people that cared for me before I passed away. Goodbye.
It's 11:36 am here. I'll remember your words looking at the moon tonight. 🥲
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
The bullet fell out of the chamber while I was loading my rifle. I can't believe it. I just climbed out of my bathtub filled with blankets and hugged Mocha. She made biscuits on my lap and purred. I feel like I just woke up from a dream. I'm still here. Nothing is ever in vain. There is no such thing as a useless effort.
 
kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
The bullet fell out of the chamber while I was loading my rifle. I can't believe it. I just climbed out of my bathtub filled with blankets and hugged Mocha. She made biscuits on my lap and purred. I feel like I just woke up from a dream. I'm still here. Nothing is ever in vain. There is no such thing as a useless effort.
YŪNUS!!! Holy shit I'm so relieved to hear from you, you have no idea. I'm not going to lie I've been checking on this thread every few minutes ever since. Are you okay??? We're here for you still. I'm very glad Mocha is there for you. 💗
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
YŪNUS!!! Holy shit I'm so relieved to hear from you, you have no idea. I'm not going to lie I've been checking on this thread every few minutes ever since. Are you okay??? We're here for you still. I'm very glad Mocha is there for you. 💗
I'm not hurt, I didn't pull the trigger. The safety was on the whole time. Mocha is curled up next to me, being her cuddly self. Everytime I put the muzzle in my mouth, I couldn't help but put it down and reread everyone's words.

In a strange irony, SaSu talked me out of it, at least in this moment. I don't know what will happen to me, after tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces of my life or not. I have no idea what comes next. But I'm still around to go to sleep and see another sunrise. Let's all get some sleep. Goodnight, everyone. We live in a beautiful world.
 
kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
Hey, you were so strong and I'm proud of you for getting through such a rough moment. It takes courage to live as much as it takes courage to die. Please don't hesitate to message me if you ever want to talk more, or need anything at all. I was drawing this in honor of you and just finished it :] since I know Hokkaido milk tea is your favorite. Goodnight and rest easy 💙
IMG 5806
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
Hey, you were so strong and I'm proud of you for getting through such a rough moment. It takes courage to live as much as it takes courage to die. Please don't hesitate to message me if you ever want to talk more, or need anything at all. I was drawing this in honor of you and just finished it :] since I know Hokkaido milk tea is your favorite. Goodnight and rest easy 💙
View attachment 129593
Thank you for your words. It's a lovely drawing. Please keep drawing.

As for catching the bus... I guess I'll sleep on it. I genuinely don't know. I was certain, but now I'm unsure. I think there's something about staring down the barrel of a gun that would terrify anyone. Maybe in the morning, I'll decide I'm only delaying my departure for a bit. Or that I've decided to not CTB after all. No matter what I choose, you guys will be the ones to know. For now, goodnight.
 
Guy_Smiley

Guy_Smiley

Just another lost soul
Jan 4, 2024
353
Hi Yunus, you are very brave and have kept such amazing composure throughout what must have been a very harrowing experience. I hope that you are able to get some sleep tonight. I can only imagine how exhausted you must be. Let us know how you're doing when you get up. Goodnight :heart:
 
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A

ali.hamza

Member
Feb 19, 2024
59
I'm not hurt, I didn't pull the trigger. The safety was on the whole time. Mocha is curled up next to me, being her cuddly self. Everytime I put the muzzle in my mouth, I couldn't help but put it down and reread everyone's words.

In a strange irony, SaSu talked me out of it, at least in this moment. I don't know what will happen to me, after tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces of my life or not. I have no idea what comes next. But I'm still around to go to sleep and see another sunrise. Let's all get some sleep. Goodnight, everyone. We live in a beautiful world.
I'm happy you're fine. I'm happy we can spend some more time with you. I'm just happy. You just made me feel sad. 🥲
I'm not hurt, I didn't pull the trigger. The safety was on the whole time. Mocha is curled up next to me, being her cuddly self. Everytime I put the muzzle in my mouth, I couldn't help but put it down and reread everyone's words.

In a strange irony, SaSu talked me out of it, at least in this moment. I don't know what will happen to me, after tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces of my life or not. I have no idea what comes next. But I'm still around to go to sleep and see another sunrise. Let's all get some sleep. Goodnight, everyone. We live in a beautiful world.
I was sitting in the classroom reading to your comments and the professor yelled at me for not giving attention to the lecture. How could I tell him what's going on? 🥲
 
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W

warmbreeze

Member
Feb 1, 2024
5
Hi I've never commented on this forum before but felt compelled to on this post. I completely agree with the user who said your story is not yet finished and was SO relieved you had a change of heart. You seem like such a sweet person and you deserve so much more than to die all alone in a bathtub.

I know it's frowned upon to speak like this on this forum but this post was way too much. For such a nice person to feel they had to take their own life because they were betrayed and abandoned it just feels so wrong. You deserve so much better than your ex. He is not worth losing your life over. You're worth 100 of him.

I'll be sure to check this thread frequently tomorrow if you need someone to talk to.
 
W

whywere

Visionary
Jun 26, 2020
2,581
I now can go to sleep, it is in the early morning hours of 02.24.2024, and I am SO HAPPY that Yunus is still with all of us.

Have a great sleep Yunus and a lovely sunny day awaits you with all the love from me and others here.

Walter
 
X

XINGBATAI

Member
Feb 23, 2024
26
The bullet fell out of the chamber while I was loading my rifle. I can't believe it. I just climbed out of my bathtub filled with blankets and hugged Mocha. She made biscuits on my lap and purred. I feel like I just woke up from a dream. I'm still here. Nothing is ever in vain. There is no such thing as a useless effort.
I'm so glad! I seriously created an account just to talk to you and support you in your final moments, whatever your decision; however, I didn't know I had to wait for approval for my account to be active. When i saw your final message I felt sick that I couldn't even comment some encouraging words or do anything to help make things a little easier for you. I'm glad you are still here. I would really hate to see you go because of someone else's actions. I have no right to tell you whether or not your reasons are valid Nor do I intend to, but I feel that CTB is something that should only be considered when there is no hope left, and I hate to see a person have so much power over another that their actions can cause the other person to feel so hopeless and depressed that they no longer want to live.

And I felt so bad for your cat. Mocha would have been so sad without you. I have two dogs and they are my life. Even if everything else in my life went to shit, I could never leave my dogs behind. They are no different than my own children, and I would die myself or take life to save them without even a hint of hesitation. Animals truly give us unconditional love and loyalty, and that bond and relationship has saved me many times. No matter what happens, you will always have at least one being (in your case Mocha) that will love you more than life itself and will always be there for you. They are such a precious gift, and give us more than we can ever repay. Many people in my family don't understand this and they think I live my life around my dogs. They just don't get that they are one of my main purposes for living, and I cherish every second spent with them.

Anyway, I'm glad you are still here my friend. I mean that
 
EternalShore

EternalShore

Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
Jun 9, 2023
717
The bullet fell out of the chamber while I was loading my rifle. I can't believe it. I just climbed out of my bathtub filled with blankets and hugged Mocha. She made biscuits on my lap and purred. I feel like I just woke up from a dream. I'm still here. Nothing is ever in vain. There is no such thing as a useless effort.
hehe~ Life is not forever, but catching the bus will always be there :) ngl, I'm honestly kinda glad you're still with us! hehe~ You seem so kinda glad and really value the world in spite of all its done to us! >w< hehe~ I struggle with doing that at all~ Enjoy your tea and life with Mocha! ^_^ She seems so kyute! :333 You're lucky to have her~ hehe~
 
two

two

Member
Feb 17, 2024
7
I'm not hurt, I didn't pull the trigger. The safety was on the whole time. Mocha is curled up next to me, being her cuddly self. Everytime I put the muzzle in my mouth, I couldn't help but put it down and reread everyone's words.

In a strange irony, SaSu talked me out of it, at least in this moment. I don't know what will happen to me, after tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces of my life or not. I have no idea what comes next. But I'm still around to go to sleep and see another sunrise. Let's all get some sleep. Goodnight, everyone. We live in a beautiful world.
I just woke up, and apologies I actually went to sleep, because good golly I would have definitely stayed by your side for the entire time. Even though I am partly pro-choice (probably because I looked at this forum too much lol), I feel immense relief after hearing this. I believe that even if you burned through all the options, there is still always a small glimmer of hope, whether that is achieved or not. You are such a sweet, sweet soul, and I'm glad you didn't pull the trigger. Funnily enough, assuming you're also EST, It's 2.24.24, which is a pretty cool number! And you lived to see this and that nice little number.

I haven't experienced what you have, but I still feel very sorry, and I do hope your life can go back on track. I know this is a scary, but beautiful world, too. I don't quite know how notifications work on this site, but when I do check the site, I would love to chat with you more!! Everyone here is so sweet. Also with Mocha, I bet she is ecstatic you stayed, because cats and other pets in general are like forever buds. Once you interact with them even for a little bit, they are immediately your friend and will remember you for a lifetime! Especially since you bonded with her. Maybe I will draw Mocha in a little bit! Even though it is obviously your choice, thank you for staying!! 💕😄
Omg you're an artist too?? ❤️ also I absolutely love your pfp avagado is one of my favorite artists ever <3 also thank you so much 💗 usually I draw anime style stuff so drawing a cat was definitely out of my comfort zone. I feel that, burn out suckssss so hard. Lately I haven't felt much passion or interest in anything so art has been hard for me

Even though he wasn't the best person, im glad that you have some fond memories to look back on ♡ the apple slices gesture is very wholesome~ Yess all hail mocha!! We are all her fans lmao :> ! Awww party hats 🎉🎊 mocha is old kitty :3
Yes! I'm also an artist haha. I loveee that artist so much. I also draw in an anime style too😵‍💫 though I am trying to expand on it by drawing other styles, such as things more cartoony. It is great to go out of your comfort zone, or you might end up like those 13-year-old Instagram artists I keep seeing. They only draw suggestive anime girls on ibisPaint, it's kind of scary!! I would definitely show you some of my art, but I'm not sure if SS allows links or whatnot, or if I could PM. Maybe I could draw your characters and you could draw mine? To get rid of the art block and burn out!

I was basically a guest on here for many months, so I feel like a noob tying to type these messages. Anyways—yeah, art is a curse and a blessing. I could have so many ideas, yet never get the chance to put them down, due to procrastination, or a hard day. BTW, I don't watch anime, but I do have a CrunchyRoll account, and don't really know what to watch. I would be down for suggestions!! 💘💪
 
fleshgarden

fleshgarden

Member
Mar 15, 2023
80
wow .. I cried a lot from this thread. whatever it is you decide that you want, I hope you get it. either paths you decide to take, I hope you experience happiness and peace. you are a wonderful soul. I'm so sorry you went through this. I was feeling so sad that I potentially missed saying something to you, because I wish I was there to talk to you. I'm glad you can read this now.
 
LastLoveLetter

LastLoveLetter

Persephone
Mar 28, 2021
661
I'm relieved to see that you are alive and safe.

I hope you get a good night's rest. And whatever you decide in future, you'll be supported either way. But for now, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're safe. And I'm glad you're considering potentially staying, whether that's for a little while longer or deciding to give life another chance. You deserve that opportunity. :heart:
 
R

rozeske

Maybe I am the problem
Dec 2, 2023
2,411
Oh am just seeing this now and what a roller-coaster of emotions it was. Am so sorry I wasn't here for you but it just made me so happy to see how you had everyone else's comforting love and support. Am so sorry for the suffering and pain you had to indure. I know it may not be much but am glad you atleast had the support and love of this community in those moments. I hope it continues to give you much more of what most of us here have found.
I hope you are doing ok and I hope peace comes your way whichever path you decide to take ❤️
 
kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
Hello Yūnus! I just woke up. I hope you're doing well <3 been keeping you in my thoughts!!! (´。• ᵕ •。`) ♡ Hope you got some good rest last night ☁️☁️☁️ Tonight I will be watching the movie you recommended, hotarubi no mori e, I realized after looking it up, it's a movie I've been interested in for a while. Wishing u have a good day, and remember we got ur back :>
IMG 5815
 

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