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green eyes

Member
Feb 18, 2024
8
I'm new to this page so I still don't really know how this page works. It makes me sad to know that your whole life will end like this but I respect your decision and I hope you can achieve peace after so much suffering, sorry if a word doesn't make sense, I won't speak. English very well and I use the translator
 
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kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
Yes, I'm definitely sure about my decision. I'm not turning back. I think it's fitting for me to pass away, after being thoroughly worn down like this. Oh, get this: all those people who turned their back on me? Yeah, they're apparently running around saying that I was faking my struggle with suicide to manipulate them. Incredible, right? I can't help but imagine what they'll think when they inevitably hear the news... I can't help but imagine.

I'm okay. I'm going to post some letters to some childhood friends that I haven't spoken to in ages. There's no way they'll know what happened to me otherwise; I haven't got any social media. Then, I'm going to put on a hoodie so I can head out and pick up my firearm. Then, it's really going to come together. I'm probably going to take an hour or two to take care of all my chores. Then, probably talk to you guys a bit more.

Oh I love watching Kiki's :D You can imagine we had a movie night. I don't know if it's the death-brain talking, but I imagined it as a story about a girl preparing to meet the afterlife. It was comforting to me. Thank you for that.

I just had a cry. I'm going to head out and post the letters now. Get ready to pick up my firearm. This is really happening. I can't believe this.
Thats seriously horrible what youve been through, i cant believe they would say things like that :[ its truly disgusting, you did not deserve any of that. People can be very vile sometimes, saying that you only struggled with suicidal thoughts to manipulate them, when thats not even close to true. I hope you have a good trip 🩷 we'll be here for you when you get back so you wont be alone. Uauauuauuaauauauauauauaua im so happy you loved watching it <3 i would like to imagine we had a movie night :D
Crying is good, im glad you were able to let things out ☆
kikis delivery service majo no takkybin GIF by Maudit
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
Hello everyone. I just picked up my firearm. It's loaded with hollow points. All I need to do is turn off the safety, aim for my brainstem, and pull the trigger. But there are still a few things left to be done. Everyone, I am very serious about catching the bus. This is really the end.

I have a few chores to do. Post two letters to childhood friends, and take out the trash with some old stuff from my former partner. Don't want anyone digging through that stuff after I'm gone, you know? I will call my mother and tell her that I love her. I will take a brief walk, tonight, and look at the stars. I will reflect on my brief life. I can't believe it's over. I'm happy that I had some control on how it ended.

It's 7:31PM in my timezone. Around midnight, I think I will CTB. I will give myself all the time I need, though. I won't see the sun again. That's a strange thought. The sun has set on me for the last time.

Okay, now I better post those letters and take out the trash, so I can just relax for the rest of my time. By the way, here's some songs I've been listening to:

"The Sixth Station (Spirited Away)"
"Komm Susser Tod"
"Animal Crossing 4AM (New Leaf)"
"Something About Us (Daft Punk)"

I'll start filling my bathtub with blankets at some point. Then it's all going to be for real.
Oh, I just got a text message from someone. It's a classmate. I told them I'd be leaving town this weekend.

"If you're leaving today, I hope you travel safe."

I hope I travel safe, too. I wonder if a bunch of underworld travels await me :P? Maybe I'll wear my engagement ring while I CTB, even though it's over with him. I'll have something to pay the ferry with... or something like that.
Thats seriously horrible what youve been through, i cant believe they would say things like that :[ its truly disgusting, you did not deserve any of that. People can be very vile sometimes, saying that you only struggled with suicidal thoughts to manipulate them, when thats not even close to true. I hope you have a good trip 🩷 we'll be here for you when you get back so you wont be alone. Uauauuauuaauauauauauauaua im so happy you loved watching it <3 i would like to imagine we had a movie night :D
Crying is good, im glad you were able to let things out ☆
kikis delivery service majo no takkybin GIF by Maudit
They don't understand people like us. We're different, I think. Or maybe not. But they want to assign motivation and malice to our suicidal thoughts. But anyone who has truly, genuinely tried to CTB knows otherwise.

I'm going to order my final meal in a bit. I'm definitely getting dessert~
Thats seriously horrible what youve been through, i cant believe they would say things like that :[ its truly disgusting, you did not deserve any of that. People can be very vile sometimes, saying that you only struggled with suicidal thoughts to manipulate them, when thats not even close to true. I hope you have a good trip 🩷 we'll be here for you when you get back so you wont be alone. Uauauuauuaauauauauauauaua im so happy you loved watching it <3 i would like to imagine we had a movie night :D
Crying is good, im glad you were able to let things out ☆
kikis delivery service majo no takkybin GIF by Maudit
They don't understand people like us. We're different, I think. Or maybe not. But they want to assign motivation and malice to our suicidal thoughts. But anyone who has truly, genuinely tried to CTB knows otherwise.

I'm going to order my final meal in a bit. I'm definitely getting dessert~
 
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kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
Hello everyone. I just picked up my firearm. It's loaded with hollow points. All I need to do is turn off the safety, aim for my brainstem, and pull the trigger. But there are still a few things left to be done. Everyone, I am very serious about catching the bus. This is really the end.

I have a few chores to do. Post two letters to childhood friends, and take out the trash with some old stuff from my former partner. Don't want anyone digging through that stuff after I'm gone, you know? I will call my mother and tell her that I love her. I will take a brief walk, tonight, and look at the stars. I will reflect on my brief life. I can't believe it's over. I'm happy that I had some control on how it ended.

It's 7:31PM in my timezone. Around midnight, I think I will CTB. I will give myself all the time I need, though. I won't see the sun again. That's a strange thought. The sun has set on me for the last time.

Okay, now I better post those letters and take out the trash, so I can just relax for the rest of my time. By the way, here's some songs I've been listening to:

"The Sixth Station (Spirited Away)"
"Komm Susser Tod"
"Animal Crossing 4AM (New Leaf)"
"Something About Us (Daft Punk)"

I'll start filling my bathtub with blankets at some point. Then it's all going to be for real.
Oh, I just got a text message from someone. It's a classmate. I told them I'd be leaving town this weekend.

"If you're leaving today, I hope you travel safe."

I hope I travel safe, too. I wonder if a bunch of underworld travels await me :P? Maybe I'll wear my engagement ring while I CTB, even though it's over with him. I'll have something to pay the ferry with... or something like that.

They don't understand people like us. We're different, I think. Or maybe not. But they want to assign motivation and malice to our suicidal thoughts. But anyone who has truly, genuinely tried to CTB knows otherwise.

I'm going to order my final meal in a bit. I'm definitely getting dessert~

They don't understand people like us. We're different, I think. Or maybe not. But they want to assign motivation and malice to our suicidal thoughts. But anyone who has truly, genuinely tried to CTB knows otherwise.

I'm going to order my final meal in a bit. I'm definitely getting dessert~
Exactly. I wish people tried to take the time to understand, and if not understand at least try to be more empathetic.
I drew Mocha for you!!! Sorry I'm very out of practice lately with drawing, I hope it looks somewhat like her :'>
IMG 5799
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
Exactly. I wish people tried to take the time to understand, and if not understand at least try to be more empathetic.
I drew Mocha for you!!! Sorry I'm very out of practice lately with drawing, I hope it looks somewhat like her :'>
View attachment 129569
So cute!! I showed Mocha and she simply perked her ears up :3

You are talented at drawing c: I wish I got a chance to learn how to draw before I caught the bus.

But it's for real now. I threw out the trash. I posted letters to childhood friends who would otherwise never know what happened to me.

Only a few more hours left. Hmm... what to do with my final hours? I have my last meal on the way (I didn't get an option for dessert, lame), and I'll make myself some hot milk tea while I cuddle with Mocha. I suppose I want to consider something my "final action". I don't have much to do with myself. I'm drained of energy...

We spent so much of our lives waiting. Waiting for something to happen. I think if I could have a do-over, I would have been more patient. Appreciated moments in-between more. I'll become an internet ghost soon. Consider me still around, cheering you on, through your hardships in life.
The irony is that I became too full to finish my last meal c: But it was good. Warm noodles and orange chicken. Does a fortune cookie count as dessert? The fortune said something like... "You will gain wisdom with each year". Or something. I feel like my head has been cleared after eating. A lot of my fear is gone.

I filled my bathtub with blankets. I would add more, but Mocha is sleeping on them. Poor kitty. My firearm is sitting next to the bathtub, loaded. This is really happening. I feel so calm.

I've dressed myself in pajamas that my fiancee... ex-fiancee.. got me. It's fitting. Why would he leave me and our cat? It's so sad. I guess he won't be burdened by my death, since he left me. Will he think of me, I wonder? And all the love we gave each other? It's so sad that things turned out this way.
 
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kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
So cute!! I showed Mocha and she simply perked her ears up :3

You are talented at drawing c: I wish I got a chance to learn how to draw before I caught the bus.

But it's for real now. I threw out the trash. I posted letters to childhood friends who would otherwise never know what happened to me.

Only a few more hours left. Hmm... what to do with my final hours? I have my last meal on the way (I didn't get an option for dessert, lame), and I'll make myself some hot milk tea while I cuddle with Mocha. I suppose I want to consider something my "final action". I don't have much to do with myself. I'm drained of energy...

We spent so much of our lives waiting. Waiting for something to happen. I think if I could have a do-over, I would have been more patient. Appreciated moments in-between more. I'll become an internet ghost soon. Consider me still around, cheering you on, through your hardships in life.
The irony is that I became too full to finish my last meal c: But it was good. Warm noodles and orange chicken. Does a fortune cookie count as dessert? The fortune said something like... "You will gain wisdom with each year". Or something. I feel like my head has been cleared after eating. A lot of my fear is gone.

I filled my bathtub with blankets. I would add more, but Mocha is sleeping on them. Poor kitty. My firearm is sitting next to the bathtub, loaded. This is really happening. I feel so calm.

I've dressed myself in pajamas that my fiancee... ex-fiancee.. got me. It's fitting. Why would he leave me and our cat? It's so sad. I guess he won't be burdened by my death, since he left me. Will he think of me, I wonder? And all the love we gave each other? It's so sad that things turned out this way.
I'm so glad you're feeling calm 🌊 I hope the pajamas are cozy <3 mmmmmmmmm noodles and orange chicken 🍗🍜 I read a lot of your letter to him and I'm so sorry you had to experience such a toxic person. The things he said and what he did are disgusting, I hope he realizes one day what he's done and change. What kind of milk tea are you drinking? I love milk tea so much, I have it almost everyday ;^^
 
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puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
I'm so glad you're feeling calm 🌊 I hope the pajamas are cozy <3 mmmmmmmmm noodles and orange chicken 🍗🍜 I read a lot of your letter to him and I'm so sorry you had to experience such a toxic person. The things he said and what he did are disgusting, I hope he realizes one day what he's done and change. What kind of milk tea are you drinking? I love milk tea so much, I have it almost everyday ;^^
Thank you c: It's my final few hours now! I can't believe it. What should I do...? I'm petting Mocha. She's sooo soft.

I don't want to believe that he was a bad person. It's hard to accept that. I still care for him deeply. Isn't that strange?

I'd share the rest of my food with you, if you were here ^_^ I'm a big fan of instant milk tea packets. I used to always keep them stocked. Hokkaido milk tea was my favourite (five bucks for a box at my local Asian store).
 
kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
I don't want to believe that he was a bad person. It's hard to accept that. I still care for him deeply. Isn't that strange?

I'd share the rest of my food with you, if you were here ^_^ I'm a big fan of instant milk tea packets. I used to always keep them stocked. Hokkaido milk tea was my favourite (five bucks for a box at my local Asian store).
Awhhh thank you ❤️❤️❤️ I appreciate that >w< HOKKAIDO MILK TEAA, I've always wanted to drink it. That's a pretty good price :0 I love Asian stores I always nerd out when I'm in them, one of the best places In the world to me. How old is Mocha btw?
 
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two

two

Member
Feb 17, 2024
7
Thank you c: It's my final few hours now! I can't believe it. What should I do...? I'm petting Mocha. She's sooo soft.

I don't want to believe that he was a bad person. It's hard to accept that. I still care for him deeply. Isn't that strange?

I'd share the rest of my food with you, if you were here ^_^ I'm a big fan of instant milk tea packets. I used to always keep them stocked. Hokkaido milk tea was my favourite (five bucks for a box at my local Asian store).
You did not deserve to be hurt by that bastard. However I do hope in your final hours, you will depart with eternal peace!! I'm pretty new here, so I'm still figuring out how things work, but regardless I do hope your journey goes well. It's unfortunate things had to end this way, but even then your destination will be forever paradise!

There are a lot of Asian stores around me, and I'm absolutely jealous you even have instant milk tea packets >.> I bet it tastes so good :0 Maybe I'll too draw Mocha, since I'm an artist!! ^^ If I recall the other messages, she's siamese; is Mocha chatty?
 
two

two

Member
Feb 17, 2024
7
Exactly. I wish people tried to take the time to understand, and if not understand at least try to be more empathetic.
I drew Mocha for you!!! Sorry I'm very out of practice lately with drawing, I hope it looks somewhat like her :'>
Also, that Mocha drawing is absolutely adorable! 😇You are really a talented artist, even if you haven't been drawing lately. Honestly, I haven't been drawing too much either—burn out really does wonders haha.
 
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puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
You did not deserve to be hurt by that bastard. However I do hope in your final hours, you will depart with eternal peace!! I'm pretty new here, so I'm still figuring out how things work, but regardless I do hope your journey goes well. It's unfortunate things had to end this way, but even then your destination will be forever paradise!

There are a lot of Asian stores around me, and I'm absolutely jealous you even have instant milk tea packets >.> I bet it tastes so good :0 Maybe I'll too draw Mocha, since I'm an artist!! ^^ If I recall the other messages, she's siamese; is Mocha chatty?
Thank you for saying this. I've just been daydreaming to music c: Hey, if you guys want to watch a movie, I think you guys will like Hotarubi no mori e. I'm actually South Asian, but I think East Asian snacks are more delicious, so I usually went to Chinese markets to raid their selection >w<

Mocha is lucky to have so many fans! She's a supermodel~

It's sad. I didn't want this sad ending for myself, but now that it's here, I'm not turning back on my decision. He did everything for my sake. It's hard for me accept that he wasn't the best person. He went so far to make me happy. In our last few days together, he insisted on making apple slices to cheer me up everytime I felt down. I just wish he was honest with me. Maybe we could have talked things out. Gone to couple's counseling. Anything. Anything but this sad ending.

My birthday was October 29, 2001. And, I rang in the new year in January, not knowing that it would be my last. It's so sad. I wish this wasn't the ending I got.
You did not deserve to be hurt by that bastard. However I do hope in your final hours, you will depart with eternal peace!! I'm pretty new here, so I'm still figuring out how things work, but regardless I do hope your journey goes well. It's unfortunate things had to end this way, but even then your destination will be forever paradise!

There are a lot of Asian stores around me, and I'm absolutely jealous you even have instant milk tea packets >.> I bet it tastes so good :0 Maybe I'll too draw Mocha, since I'm an artist!! ^^ If I recall the other messages, she's siamese; is Mocha chatty?
Oh, and Mocha is surprisingly quiet! She only meows when she's hungry c:
Awhhh thank you ❤️❤️❤️ I appreciate that >w< HOKKAIDO MILK TEAA, I've always wanted to drink it. That's a pretty good price :0 I love Asian stores I always nerd out when I'm in them, one of the best places In the world to me. How old is Mocha btw?
Mocha is 8 years old! There's party hats downstairs that my former partner bought. We were going to wear them and celebrate her 8th birthday in January.

I think you can find the exact brand that I like on Amazon US. A little marked up compared to in-store, but maybe you can give it a try.
 
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thetruetato

thetruetato

Member
Jan 1, 2024
98
Hello everyone. I just picked up my firearm. It's loaded with hollow points. All I need to do is turn off the safety, aim for my brainstem, and pull the trigger. But there are still a few things left to be done. Everyone, I am very serious about catching the bus. This is really the end.

I have a few chores to do. Post two letters to childhood friends, and take out the trash with some old stuff from my former partner. Don't want anyone digging through that stuff after I'm gone, you know? I will call my mother and tell her that I love her. I will take a brief walk, tonight, and look at the stars. I will reflect on my brief life. I can't believe it's over. I'm happy that I had some control on how it ended.

It's 7:31PM in my timezone. Around midnight, I think I will CTB. I will give myself all the time I need, though. I won't see the sun again. That's a strange thought. The sun has set on me for the last time.

Okay, now I better post those letters and take out the trash, so I can just relax for the rest of my time. By the way, here's some songs I've been listening to:

"The Sixth Station (Spirited Away)"
"Komm Susser Tod"
"Animal Crossing 4AM (New Leaf)"
"Something About Us (Daft Punk)"

I'll start filling my bathtub with blankets at some point. Then it's all going to be for real.
Oh, I just got a text message from someone. It's a classmate. I told them I'd be leaving town this weekend.

"If you're leaving today, I hope you travel safe."

I hope I travel safe, too. I wonder if a bunch of underworld travels await me :P? Maybe I'll wear my engagement ring while I CTB, even though it's over with him. I'll have something to pay the ferry with... or something like that.

They don't understand people like us. We're different, I think. Or maybe not. But they want to assign motivation and malice to our suicidal thoughts. But anyone who has truly, genuinely tried to CTB knows otherwise.

I'm going to order my final meal in a bit. I'm definitely getting dessert~

They don't understand people like us. We're different, I think. Or maybe not. But they want to assign motivation and malice to our suicidal thoughts. But anyone who has truly, genuinely tried to CTB knows otherwise.

I'm going to order my final meal in a bit. I'm definitely getting dessert~
I'm not sure if us suicidal people are "different" but it is interesting to try to see why people think certain ways and what thought processes they used. Best of luck with whatever it is you end up deciding on too btw 🤗
 
two

two

Member
Feb 17, 2024
7
Thank you for saying this. I've just been daydreaming to music c: Hey, if you guys want to watch a movie, I think you guys will like Hotarubi no mori e. I'm actually South Asian, but I think East Asian snacks are more delicious, so I usually went to Chinese markets to raid their selection >w<

Mocha is lucky to have so many fans! She's a supermodel~

It's sad. I didn't want this sad ending for myself, but now that it's here, I'm not turning back on my decision. He did everything for my sake. It's hard for me accept that he wasn't the best person. He went so far to make me happy. In our last few days together, he insisted on making apple slices to cheer me up everytime I felt down. I just wish he was honest with me. Maybe we could have talked things out. Gone to couple's counseling. Anything. Anything but this sad ending.

My birthday was October 29, 2001. And, I rang in the new year in January, not knowing that it would be my last. It's so sad. I wish this wasn't the ending I got.

Oh, and Mocha is surprisingly quiet! She only meows when she's hungry c:
I'm Southeast Asian haha. I do have to sleep soon, as it's 10 PM here. Maybe I'll consider watching Hotarubi! I think all Asian food is absolutely delicious, and each has their own spark! Mocha is really a supercat!! Surprised she's quiet, but Siamese do have their 'lil quirks.

I too feel very sad that you are leaving, but you did exhaust all other options, and carefully planned this through, which I have sincere respect for. I respect your decision, and while yes— he did things to make you happy, he still isn't that great. But at least he still did some things good. Life is not just about the money, but mainly our happiness, and I'm glad you made sure you received that happiness today.
Ah, 22-23 is so early, but yet again, I do hope you part peacefully. I will sleep now, as it's late, and wish you a good night <3. May you journey in bliss. Best of luck!
 
kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
You did not deserve to be hurt by that bastard. However I do hope in your final hours, you will depart with eternal peace!! I'm pretty new here, so I'm still figuring out how things work, but regardless I do hope your journey goes well. It's unfortunate things had to end this way, but even then your destination will be forever paradise!

There are a lot of Asian stores around me, and I'm absolutely jealous you even have instant milk tea packets >.> I bet it tastes so good :0 Maybe I'll too draw Mocha, since I'm an artist!! ^^ If I recall the other messages, she's siamese; is Mocha chatty?
Omg you're an artist too?? ❤️ also I absolutely love your pfp avagado is one of my favorite artists ever <3 also thank you so much 💗 usually I draw anime style stuff so drawing a cat was definitely out of my comfort zone. I feel that, burn out suckssss so hard. Lately I haven't felt much passion or interest in anything so art has been hard for me
Thank you for saying this. I've just been daydreaming to music c: Hey, if you guys want to watch a movie, I think you guys will like Hotarubi no mori e. I'm actually South Asian, but I think East Asian snacks are more delicious, so I usually went to Chinese markets to raid their selection >w<

Mocha is lucky to have so many fans! She's a supermodel~

It's sad. I didn't want this sad ending for myself, but now that it's here, I'm not turning back on my decision. He did everything for my sake. It's hard for me accept that he wasn't the best person. He went so far to make me happy. In our last few days together, he insisted on making apple slices to cheer me up everytime I felt down. I just wish he was honest with me. Maybe we could have talked things out. Gone to couple's counseling. Anything. Anything but this sad ending.

My birthday was October 29, 2001. And, I rang in the new year in January, not knowing that it would be my last. It's so sad. I wish this wasn't the ending I got.

Oh, and Mocha is surprisingly quiet! She only meows when she's hungry c:

Mocha is 8 years old! There's party hats downstairs that my former partner bought. We were going to wear them and celebrate her 8th birthday in January.

I think you can find the exact brand that I like on Amazon US. A little marked up compared to in-store, but maybe you can give it a try.
Even though he wasn't the best person, im glad that you have some fond memories to look back on ♡ the apple slices gesture is very wholesome~ Yess all hail mocha!! We are all her fans lmao :> ! Awww party hats 🎉🎊 mocha is old kitty :3
 
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puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
I'm not sure if us suicidal people are "different" but it is interesting to try to see why people think certain ways and what thought processes they used. Best of luck with whatever it is you end up deciding on too btw 🤗
Maybe, maybe not c: I dunno, I don't have all the answers. I'm just someone who is waiting for their bus. Only an hour and a half left...! I should call my mother. Take care c:
 
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heliophobic

heliophobic

Memento Mori
Jan 29, 2024
51
I had boyfriends, family and "friends" that thought that my mental illness could be magically cured just like your ex did and it just doesn't work that way. I've had to start over because of fake friends and terrible boyfriends way too often and just keep a very small circle now. Reading your words made me cry and I wish I were there to at least give you a hug. I'm so, so sorry you had to go through this.
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
Omg you're an artist too?? ❤️ also I absolutely love your pfp avagado is one of my favorite artists ever <3 also thank you so much 💗 usually I draw anime style stuff so drawing a cat was definitely out of my comfort zone. I feel that, burn out suckssss so hard. Lately I haven't felt much passion or interest in anything so art has been hard for me

Even though he wasn't the best person, im glad that you have some fond memories to look back on ♡ the apple slices gesture is very wholesome~ Yess all hail mocha!! We are all her fans lmao :> ! Awww party hats 🎉🎊 mocha is old kitty :3
Aww thank you for drawing Mocha for me even though it was out of your comfort zone :3 I assure you, it was very cute. She's an old, tired kitty. I'm glad I could save her from being put down. I just spoke to my mother. The phone call was brief, since she's about to sleep. I just told her to take care.

And he loved me dearly. He's such an idiot for not realising that he didn't need to do any of this to make me happy. All I wanted was domesticity. But he's turned around and branded me with 100% of the blame. It's sad, imagining that he's going to go the rest of his life thinking of me that way. Still, I'll think of him fondly. The apple slices he made for me and the walks we took in the middle of the night.
 
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puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
I'm Southeast Asian haha. I do have to sleep soon, as it's 10 PM here. Maybe I'll consider watching Hotarubi! I think all Asian food is absolutely delicious, and each has their own spark! Mocha is really a supercat!! Surprised she's quiet, but Siamese do have their 'lil quirks.

I too feel very sad that you are leaving, but you did exhaust all other options, and carefully planned this through, which I have sincere respect for. I respect your decision, and while yes— he did things to make you happy, he still isn't that great. But at least he still did some things good. Life is not just about the money, but mainly our happiness, and I'm glad you made sure you received that happiness today.
Ah, 22-23 is so early, but yet again, I do hope you part peacefully. I will sleep now, as it's late, and wish you a good night <3. May you journey in bliss. Best of luck!
Thank you. I'll have a safe trip. Mocha has firmly stayed by my side the whole time. She's so sweet. At least someone didn't leave me c: Animals are so special.

Yes, I'm 22. I came to the United States at 11 from my home country. It's nice to have some symmetry in my brief life.

Goodnight, and sleep well. Maybe we'll see each other again, somehow, somewhere. Maybe not. Thank you for being kind to me. My final hour is nearing. Chatting with you guys has made me happy.
I had boyfriends, family and "friends" that thought that my mental illness could be magically cured just like your ex did and it just doesn't work that way. I've had to start over because of fake friends and terrible boyfriends way too often and just keep a very small circle now. Reading your words made me cry and I wish I were there to at least give you a hug. I'm so, so sorry you had to go through this.
It's sad. I wish I could get a hug from you right now but your kindness means everything to me. Please know that your words mean so much to me, as I'm about to depart. There are tears in my eyes. I'm not the most religious person, but I hope everyone who has spoken to me, who has been here for me, I hope all of you can find peace, somehow, somewhere.

If there's an afterlife, I'll give you all a big hug. Or maybe I'll come back as a ghost and I'll help you guys cheat on exams... haha.

He loved me so dearly. He thought if he gave me everything in the world, I wouldn't be mentally ill anymore. I wish he wasn't so well-intentioned; maybe I wouldn't have to CTB, and I could move on from this relationship normally. But, that isn't what happened. It's sad. I wish I didn't have to CTB.
Omg you're an artist too?? ❤️ also I absolutely love your pfp avagado is one of my favorite artists ever <3 also thank you so much 💗 usually I draw anime style stuff so drawing a cat was definitely out of my comfort zone. I feel that, burn out suckssss so hard. Lately I haven't felt much passion or interest in anything so art has been hard for me

Even though he wasn't the best person, im glad that you have some fond memories to look back on ♡ the apple slices gesture is very wholesome~ Yess all hail mocha!! We are all her fans lmao :> ! Awww party hats 🎉🎊 mocha is old kitty :3
I tried to respond to this, but it's awaiting moderator approval, for some reason :P

Anyways, thank you for drawing for me even though you're burnt out ;^;
Well guys... It's 11pm.

My last hour on earth. Fuck. I'm scared.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: kawaiiphantom
heliophobic

heliophobic

Memento Mori
Jan 29, 2024
51
Thank you. I'll have a safe trip. Mocha has firmly stayed by my side the whole time. She's so sweet. At least someone didn't leave me c: Animals are so special.

Yes, I'm 22. I came to the United States at 11 from my home country. It's nice to have some symmetry in my brief life.

Goodnight, and sleep well. Maybe we'll see each other again, somehow, somewhere. Maybe not. Thank you for being kind to me. My final hour is nearing. Chatting with you guys has made me happy.

It's sad. I wish I could get a hug from you right now but your kindness means everything to me. Please know that your words mean so much to me, as I'm about to depart. There are tears in my eyes. I'm not the most religious person, but I hope everyone who has spoken to me, who has been here for me, I hope all of you can find peace, somehow, somewhere.

If there's an afterlife, I'll give you all a big hug. Or maybe I'll come back as a ghost and I'll help you guys cheat on exams... haha.

He loved me so dearly. He thought if he gave me everything in the world, I wouldn't be mentally ill anymore. I wish he wasn't so well-intentioned; maybe I wouldn't have to CTB, and I could move on from this relationship normally. But, that isn't what happened. It's sad. I wish I didn't have to CTB.

I tried to respond to this, but it's awaiting moderator approval, for some reason :P

Anyways, thank you for drawing for me even though you're burnt out ;^;
I'll probably get all kinds of hate for this, but I'll have a lifetime of regret if I don't say it, and I have enough regret. Please don't go. I'm in my 40s and my best friend went out the same way as you chose back in 2000 and I have all kinds of regrets and "what if's" and "if only's" about it. Friend after friend that I would give anything to be able to have five more minutes with, just to say goodbye. Even if your ex broke up with you because he couldn't fix you, doing this will shatter people you didn't consider. I know you're in pain. I do. Really. I'll talk for as long as you want or just listen but please don't go. My instinct is telling me that your story isn't over. You have so much to offer the world, don't let this experience end it. PLEASE.
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
I'll probably get all kinds of hate for this, but I'll have a lifetime of regret if I don't say it, and I have enough regret. Please don't go. I'm in my 40s and my best friend went out the same way as you chose back in 2000 and I have all kinds of regrets and "what if's" and "if only's" about it. Friend after friend that I would give anything to be able to have five more minutes with, just to say goodbye. Even if your ex broke up with you because he couldn't fix you, doing this will shatter people you didn't consider. I know you're in pain. I do. Really. I'll talk for as long as you want or just listen but please don't go. My instinct is telling me that your story isn't over. You have so much to offer the world, don't let this experience end it. PLEASE.
I don't know what to say. You're so kind to me. I can't believe an internet stranger is doing this for me. I can't believe that any of this is real. I'm going to miss my cat. I've made all my preparations. I've posted my messages from beyond the grave to people. I've thrown out important possessions. I've drained the last bit of my savings on paying off the rest of the lease (yes, the whole damn thing) because my former partner bailed on the rent.

My bathtub is sitting there, filled with a blanket. The loaded shotgun is next to it. My cat is sitting on the rest of them, sleeping peacefully, like an angel. Will she take me to heaven? I just want to be at peace.
 
kawaiiphantom

kawaiiphantom

I gently open the door
Feb 1, 2024
303
Thank you. I'll have a safe trip. Mocha has firmly stayed by my side the whole time. She's so sweet. At least someone didn't leave me c: Animals are so special.

Yes, I'm 22. I came to the United States at 11 from my home country. It's nice to have some symmetry in my brief life.

Goodnight, and sleep well. Maybe we'll see each other again, somehow, somewhere. Maybe not. Thank you for being kind to me. My final hour is nearing. Chatting with you guys has made me happy.

It's sad. I wish I could get a hug from you right now but your kindness means everything to me. Please know that your words mean so much to me, as I'm about to depart. There are tears in my eyes. I'm not the most religious person, but I hope everyone who has spoken to me, who has been here for me, I hope all of you can find peace, somehow, somewhere.

If there's an afterlife, I'll give you all a big hug. Or maybe I'll come back as a ghost and I'll help you guys cheat on exams... haha.

He loved me so dearly. He thought if he gave me everything in the world, I wouldn't be mentally ill anymore. I wish he wasn't so well-intentioned; maybe I wouldn't have to CTB, and I could move on from this relationship normally. But, that isn't what happened. It's sad. I wish I didn't have to CTB.

I tried to respond to this, but it's awaiting moderator approval, for some reason :P

Anyways, thank you for drawing for me even though you're burnt out ;^;
Well guys... It's 11pm.

My last hour on earth. Fuck. I'm scared.
Of course 💗💗 I wanted to give you a gift of mocha drawing because you really deserve it. I really wish you didn't have to CTB either, even though I've only talked to you for a brief amount of time I will really miss you. I feel really sad that you have to go. You have such an amazing personality from what I've seen. I will be watching this thread until the very end. I want to give you the biggest hug ever rn. If you decide not to, I will be here to talk with you always. It's okay to change your mind, im not going to lie it's very hard not to convince you to stay, I really want to. If you do stay I will talk with you all night or anything you need. But either way I'm glad you were able to make this day full of things that bring you comfort and joy, whatever your decision may be ♡
 
Last edited:
heliophobic

heliophobic

Memento Mori
Jan 29, 2024
51
I don't know what to say. You're so kind to me. I can't believe an internet stranger is doing this for me. I can't believe that any of this is real. I'm going to miss my cat. I've made all my preparations. I've posted my messages from beyond the grave to people. I've thrown out important possessions. I've drained the last bit of my savings on paying off the rest of the lease (yes, the whole damn thing) because my former partner bailed on the rent.

My bathtub is sitting there, filled with a blanket. The loaded shotgun is next to it. My cat is sitting on the rest of them, sleeping peacefully, like an angel. Will she take me to heaven? I just want to be at peace.
It isn't too late. I understand you made your preparations. You definitely have friends here, I promise. Ha! I'm even crying while writing this! Cats are the best. They really want to bring us calm. I lost my soulcat Paddy in 2022, but his ghost is definitely still in my apartment and plays with my new cat. You can start over. Maybe that's what you need. You made at least two friends out of this. Two friends that know all about depression and wanting to die.
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
Of course 💗💗 I wanted to give you a gift of mocha drawing because you really deserve it. I really wish you didn't have to CTB either, even though I've only talked to you for a brief amount of time I will really miss you. I feel really sad that you have to go. You have such an amazing personality from what I've seen. I will be watching this thread until the very end. I want to give you the biggest hug ever rn. If you decide not to, I will be here to talk with you always. It's okay to change your mind, im not going to lie it's very hard not to convince you to stay, I really want to. If you do stay I will talk with you all night or anything you need. But either way I'm glad you were able to make this day full of things that bring you comfort and joy ♡
Thank you so much. I just want to hug you.
I recently spoke to someone online that I knew briefly. I told him he won't hear from me ever again. He told me not to tell him stuff like that. That made me sad. Really sad. It did hurt.
 
A

ali.hamza

Member
Feb 19, 2024
59
Thank you. I'll have a safe trip. Mocha has firmly stayed by my side the whole time. She's so sweet. At least someone didn't leave me c: Animals are so special.

Yes, I'm 22. I came to the United States at 11 from my home country. It's nice to have some symmetry in my brief life.

Goodnight, and sleep well. Maybe we'll see each other again, somehow, somewhere. Maybe not. Thank you for being kind to me. My final hour is nearing. Chatting with you guys has made me happy.

It's sad. I wish I could get a hug from you right now but your kindness means everything to me. Please know that your words mean so much to me, as I'm about to depart. There are tears in my eyes. I'm not the most religious person, but I hope everyone who has spoken to me, who has been here for me, I hope all of you can find peace, somehow, somewhere.

If there's an afterlife, I'll give you all a big hug. Or maybe I'll come back as a ghost and I'll help you guys cheat on exams... haha.

He loved me so dearly. He thought if he gave me everything in the world, I wouldn't be mentally ill anymore. I wish he wasn't so well-intentioned; maybe I wouldn't have to CTB, and I could move on from this relationship normally. But, that isn't what happened. It's sad. I wish I didn't have to CTB.

I tried to respond to this, but it's awaiting moderator approval, for some reason :P

Anyways, thank you for drawing for me even though you're burnt out ;^;
Well guys... It's 11pm.

My last hour on earth. Fuck. I'm scared.
I'm sad you're leaving but I hope you find peace. 🥲
 
P

puffyclouds

Member
Feb 15, 2024
40
It isn't too late. I understand you made your preparations. You definitely have friends here, I promise. Ha! I'm even crying while writing this! Cats are the best. They really want to bring us calm. I lost my soulcat Paddy in 2022, but his ghost is definitely still in my apartment and plays with my new cat. You can start over. Maybe that's what you need. You made at least two friends out of this. Two friends that know all about depression and wanting to die.
I wish I could. I wish I could start over. my name is YÅ«nus. It means dove in Arabic.
 
A

ali.hamza

Member
Feb 19, 2024
59
Thank you. I'll have a safe trip. Mocha has firmly stayed by my side the whole time. She's so sweet. At least someone didn't leave me c: Animals are so special.

Yes, I'm 22. I came to the United States at 11 from my home country. It's nice to have some symmetry in my brief life.

Goodnight, and sleep well. Maybe we'll see each other again, somehow, somewhere. Maybe not. Thank you for being kind to me. My final hour is nearing. Chatting with you guys has made me happy.

It's sad. I wish I could get a hug from you right now but your kindness means everything to me. Please know that your words mean so much to me, as I'm about to depart. There are tears in my eyes. I'm not the most religious person, but I hope everyone who has spoken to me, who has been here for me, I hope all of you can find peace, somehow, somewhere.

If there's an afterlife, I'll give you all a big hug. Or maybe I'll come back as a ghost and I'll help you guys cheat on exams... haha.

He loved me so dearly. He thought if he gave me everything in the world, I wouldn't be mentally ill anymore. I wish he wasn't so well-intentioned; maybe I wouldn't have to CTB, and I could move on from this relationship normally. But, that isn't what happened. It's sad. I wish I didn't have to CTB.

I tried to respond to this, but it's awaiting moderator approval, for some reason :P

Anyways, thank you for drawing for me even though you're burnt out ;^;
Well guys... It's 11pm.

My last hour on earth. Fuck. I'm scared.
Soon I'll see on the other side. 🥰
 

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