my brother's wedding is five weeks after my birthday - i wanted to ctb though

[dopaminedeath]

So this wedding is soon after my birthday
I had already set sights on CTB for my birthday even before his wedding came up
I'm happy for him and it's all the better that he's building some life for himself, he deserves it. He's got a family away from me and parents and that means he'll manage after I ctb.

The wedding, though, I'm actually scared of seeing people from our childhood and otherwise people I have avoided for so long. I've had a decent fall from grace and been so isolated and awkward anyway that I really make people uncomfortable.
Anyway, I could just say fuck it and CTB on my birthday as wished. Cause I don't want to wait but I wonder how deeply it would impact the wedding celebrations? I've not stayed in touch with anyone so there's nothing to miss.

 

[restless.dreams]

I think it would almost certainly impact his wedding if you CTB right before. I don't know how close you are, but from his perspective I imagine it would be extremely hard. I can understand that you're suffering, though. I wish you peace with whatever decision you make.