Discussion Main reason for desire to ctb) Do you hate yourself, hate the world, or both?

[MiMif]

Exactly what the question sounds like.

I personally hate myself...but I kinda hate the world too though ima go with hating myself

 

[Huggs]

Rant incoming. I hate the world more than I hate myself, for everything it puts other people including me through. The world is disgusting and cruel, indifferent at the same time. We technically have the mental capacity and tools to change a lot of it and there's been advancement through all human history but all throughout also that same pattern of turning our abilities into weapons of violence and exploitation against other men, women and children in many cases just to barely survive, in others to win the reproduction race just like we're hardwired to, foregoing higher reasoning and empathy and giving into delusions and the ape screaming inside, bonding and loving but also destroying and subjugating without abandon. Even ignoring that any shimmers of beauty in nature are coincidental byproducts and drowned out by the staggering amounts of suffering conscious beings have been and are subjected to.
As for me I'm pretty much a black hole of a man there's not much to hate and not much to love. I'm not the most despicable thing on this planet but I'm also not good in any way, there is nothing of note about me and there's nothing I really enjoy except forgetting I'm conscious/sleeping. I exist just to turn oxygen into carbon dioxide and I'm constantly in pain and I'm by far not the only one.
Rant over.

 

[sadwriter]

Both

 

[hmskms]

my life is solely my responsibility so i could only feel towards myself as a result. i wish i was able to make things better for myself.

 

[FailureToAll]

Hating myself is my main reason, my problems are all caused by myself.
I think I've been fairly lucky in life and experienced lots of good from the world but I find it terrifying seeing all the cruelties that others have experienced in this world and I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world and risk them suffering. But I can't say I hate it, there's things in the world I love, such as my family. The idea of reincarnation terrifies me as maybe I'd suffer more in another life. Anyway I'm rambling a little but I don't hate the world I just fear it I guess.

 

[riamu]

there are a lot of things i hate about the world but most of them don't contribute to me wanting to ctb, that's mainly due to self hatred

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I hate myself due to shame and trauma. I can't go into more detail because it's a mixture of a lot of things and can't formulate them properly into words. I see, as it is, no reason to continue being. Therefore I will end myself one day. I don't know how as of yet but I will.

 

[TheSource]

I chose other. I just kinda lost my ability to enjoy life years ago. Not from anger or hate or anything. Probably a symptom of my Major Depressive Disorder. But since I can't still feel the negative but can't really perceive the positive, I've been ready to call it quits.

 

[beelzebul]

i definitely hate myself.

 

[toms_space_station]

I hate myself.
I'd say I hate the world too, but I don't think I truly do.
Maybe I'm just soft, but I can't ever bring myself to hate anyone and take life into my own hands. Sometimes I feel like I care too much, in fact, to my own detriment.
And if I wasn't sick I would follow my dreams to help teach work skills to high schoolers so they would not be thrown out into the world with nothing to fall back on.

 

[Old Friend]

Neither. But everthing hurts too much and I don't function properly.

 

[HollowDrop]

I'm irredeemable trash but I also hate so much about this world, mainly human beings. All this senseless war, murder and abuse that exists is disgusting beyond belief. I don't want to grow old and see it get worse. I'm tired of this humankind and their selfish acts at the cost of people who have nothing to do with their shit. Children are getting abused and raped in the warzones for the amusement of deranged soldiers. Children are the last fucking thing you should abuse and if you do that go to hell.
But I do mostly want to CTB because I am so worthless and everyone's lives will be easier if I die.

 

[doneforlife]

I don't hate myself. Neither do I hate the world. It's just that life is too challenging for me. Of all the positive motivation, the.."you can do it , try harder" speeches , the immense positive hope that the world wants you to possess and carry on , the simple fact is we fail. I mean it's as simple as a brain meant for music can't deal with maths. And instead of pushing hope and positivity, I wish the world recognised this simple fact of life and let people who find life enormously challenging to just exit peacefully.

 

[Luchi]

Sorry a bit of a rant -I voted "I hate myself" but it's far more complicated than that tbh. I do hate myself. I hate how lazy, apathetic, unmotivated, and anxious I can be. But more than that, I hate trying so fucking hard to get my shit together, doing it, feeling so on top of the world and then finding myself sleeping all the time again. Doing nothing. Feeling no energy or care to get anything done. Struggling to get my mind to focus on anything but mindlessly scrolling through YouTube shorts. I don't hate me, I hate my struggles. I used to blame them on myself to feel in control, that I could just put my mind to it and be better. But now I've realized that I'm not in control, not totally. That it doesn't seem to matter how hard I work to be happy and functioning, I still get so overwhelmed and behind on everything. I also don't want to be physically exhausted and in pain all the time. Chronic physical ailments combined with mental health issues is kind of the worst.

 

[executioner1983]

I hate the world. It could've been so great but it's fallen short tremendously. I'm not cut out for a job and I don't do well in school. Those are really my only two options so I would rather choose death. I'm giving school a chance but I know once I inevitably fail/drop out I'm putting a bullet in my head. All I can do is enjoy life until the time comes.

 

[weisel]

Wish I was never born. Now I'm officially to the point I hate my mother

 

[bonbonhehe]

i hate myself (this physical manifestation that is "me")
not because my manifestation is ugly
my form is appealing in a number of ways
"i" am perfect but i have to rid myself of this limiting body for i am bound to it against my will
i want to "die" - but not in the "im not good enough to be alive. the world is better off without me" kind of way
this world is not good enough for me and i am better off without the world
i know i do not belong here and this is not where i am meant to be
i don't hate this world, though
it just doesn't meet my standards

 

[Starry2He]

Definitely Both, though the view of myself is much more negative and potent than that of the world. Just... to look at yourself with complete disgust and hatred, that's all I've known to do.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I hate myself, my irresponsible parents for thinking their lives were in a situation ideal enough to warrant proceation, and the world.

But if I had to choose one as the most, I would have to say I hate the world. Especially now. Nothing but lowlife old money scumbags at the top of corporate America bribing the devil's servants in government. The human race keeps getting dumber and dumber every year. Can't even have one moment of peace and quiet without some degenerate muscle car fuckboi or Harley hog-riding neandethal disturbing it with a modded muffler or maliciously loud subwoofer.

Everyone whines about being too broke too buy groceries, yet somehow us pathetic human sheeple can collectively manage to put billions of dollars into the hands of useless celebs like the Kartrashians, whores on OnlyFans and grown men playing with soccer and footballs.

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

Warning: extremely toxic and negative thoughts. I felt like I needed to let it out. Sorry.

Mixture of both. I dislike myself. I don't like my body, I don't like my face. I find myself very ugly. I hate that I'm balding, and I find so many of my facial features repulsive and my body as well. But I also hate the world because it's the reason that I feel that way. I don't think I would've grown to be so repulsed of myself if it weren't for how society deals with looks.

I also hate my origin. I have a soft spot for my family, but I still hate a lot of stuff about them. I mostly feel bad about it. I don't judge them for it, but it just makes me sad.

I hate that I'm in a world where I can't look up to my family, where I hate to look in the mirror and where I have an intense dislike of myself.

I also feel like im pretty dumb. Probably average intelligence in general, but I'm studying to become an electrical engineer, and so it feels like I'm as dumb as a rock when I see the people around me.

It never occurred to me because I was always seen as smarter than my peers in high school. It wasn't until I realized that where I'm from and where I went to school the average IQ is 80, whereas where I go to university the average IQ is 106, and so I probably thought I was smart because people in my home country are dumb (and I'm not much better off)

This makes me look down on my origin, which I see also as part of myself. It makes me hate myself, and also the world.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I hate the world for ignoring me. I hate myself for not being able to overcome.

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

Sorry a bit of a rant -I voted "I hate myself" but it's far more complicated than that tbh. I do hate myself. I hate how lazy, apathetic, unmotivated, and anxious I can be. But more than that, I hate trying so fucking hard to get my shit together, doing it, feeling so on top of the world and then finding myself sleeping all the time again. Doing nothing. Feeling no energy or care to get anything done. Struggling to get my mind to focus on anything but mindlessly scrolling through YouTube shorts. I don't hate me, I hate my struggles. I used to blame them on myself to feel in control, that I could just put my mind to it and be better. But now I've realized that I'm not in control, not totally. That it doesn't seem to matter how hard I work to be happy and functioning, I still get so overwhelmed and behind on everything. I also don't want to be physically exhausted and in pain all the time. Chronic physical ailments combined with mental health issues is kind of the worst.

Ouf.. I'm also right now in a state of can't focus on anything but mindlessly scrolling through YouTube shorts. I don't even enjoy them. But there's something truly numbing about them. Really feels like a drug. I wonder if internet addiction is a source of my problems or if it's just a symptom of another root cause. I keep trying to stop doom scrolling, but I always fall back to it.

 

[lovely_doses]

my boyfriend isn't unhealthily obsessed with me as i am with him <\3 everyday is a loop of pain. i want to explode

 

[jussrav]

Neither. But everthing hurts too much and I don't function properly.

Same i dont function right. I have a chronic illness aswell in which I am in pain for everyday.. I also have a tumour

 

[Luchi]

Ouf.. I'm also right now in a state of can't focus on anything but mindlessly scrolling through YouTube shorts. I don't even enjoy them. But there's something truly numbing about them. Really feels like a drug. I wonder if internet addiction is a source of my problems or if it's just a symptom of another root cause. I keep trying to stop doom scrolling, but I always fall back to it.

Ya I often wonder the same thing... Is it the cause? Something I could just fix with enough will? Or a symptom of a problem I don't know how to define yet? I've been trying to stop, I even uninstalled YouTube on my phone.... And now I watch them through my browser I'm glad to know there are others who do the mindlessly scrolling forever thing, makes me feel slightly less shit. I think it might be some sort of escape? Really does turn your brain off for a while

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do hate myself sometimes but, I'm also fairly good at forgiving myself for my faults. In many cases, I think the world and more specifically people in this world are the main reason I have these faults. I probably could have done more to overcome them certainly. Still- I probably hate the world and the situations I/we are forced to be in more than I hate myself.

 

[denix66]

Odio el mundo. Podría haber sido genial, pero se quedó tremendamente corto. No estoy hecho para un trabajo y no me va bien en la escuela. Esas son realmente mis dos únicas opciones, así que prefiero elegir la muerte. Le estoy dando una oportunidad a la escuela, pero sé que una vez que inevitablemente fracaso o abandono, me pondré una bala en la cabeza. Lo único que puedo hacer es disfrutar de la vida hasta que llegue el momento.

Hay muchas cosas que odio del mundo, pero la mayoría de ellas no contribuyen a que quiera ctb, eso se debe principalmente al odio hacia uno mismo.

 

[Orbitc]

I want to die because I hate my job (individual escort) and because soon I won't be able to compete because I don't have the skills of a hacker and my phones are constantly being hacked - this is what pimps do to remove competition. I won't be able to find another job that will allow me to pay expensive rent. If I move to a cheap apartment and find another job, all my money will still go towards rent. Damn, I don't understand how other people live when their salary is a maximum of $500 and rent for a shitty apartment is at least $500 in my city. Should I live just to pay the rent?)) I have a miserable life - I will never know what power and wealth are, I will not be able to take revenge on those I hate - why live like a dog when the only available pleasure can only be food, but food does not interest me and this is a very destructive pleasure - this can lead to obesity. I don't see any point in living like this anymore.

 

[denix66]

Ni me odio ni odio al mundo... Simplemente tengo 68 años... Dolores continuos por artritis y artrosis de cadera... que no me permiten vivir una vida en condiciones... Sumado a esto es el odio que siento que me tiene mi pareja... Y mis dos hijos (que son los que me retuvieron en el ctb….. veo que no les importa……… En consecuencia, hace mucho tiempo que decidí hacer ctb….lSimplemente por qué ya no quiero vivir más…….Quiero descansar y dejar de sufrir…….En plenas facultades mentales….Quién no es quien para joderme y hacerme ctb tan difícil……. Tengo tengo SN….

Pero supongo que acabaré saltando el día que me apetezca... Mucha suerte y mis mejores deseos para todos...

 

[wait.what]

I don't hate myself or the world. I just find living painful most of the time, and I'd like the option to stop.