Sockeye Salmon
Student
- Mar 28, 2018
- 135
Anyone else feel like their life is so boring, the idea of fucking it up, or just living a more fucked up life in general more exciting? Dying aside (which is the endgame ofc)
I know this is probably an irrational thought, I'm clearly better off with a roof over my head than being homeless and fucked up, but I just can't help but think about it.
Sometimes I see people who are super fucked up, someone you don't want to be, who other people avoid and use as a cautionary tale to not be like, but in my head, I go "Sounds fun actually, I kinda wanna be them". They seem more interesting than I am.
I saw the movie Trainspotting the other day for the first time, a movie about heroin addicts. And clearly the message you see when you see these people are supposed to be "Don't fuck up your life like these people", but to me, their life seems more fun and exciting than mine is. At least they have friends and shit. I want to be like them.
Same with other types of stories with fucked up characters, Breaking Bad, Metamorphosis, etc.
There was this kid I met on VRChat a while back. 18 year old kid. He told me he's been playing since he was 12 years old, and he's done a lot of sexting and erotic role playing a lot, presumably with people far older than him.
Now this kid was clearly groomed, no doubt about it. But the more I spoke with him, he seemed to be alright with it? Like he knows what he's doing, he's fine with it, and he seems to be doing fine to it. He's made a lot of connections, friends, and money, and life experiences, both in real life and in the game because of it. Hell, he's got WAY more money, friends, life experiences, and career (He's in the process of opening up his own cafe) at 18 than I am right now at 27, who has no money, no friends, no life experiences, no career, basically a loser virgin incel chud with nothing going on for him in life (at this point my life is the more fucked up one)
And in my mind, I can't help but go; "Man, I wish I could've been like him growing up, rather than the loser that I was growing up (and still am)"
I know it sounds bad and irrational, but I just can't help think like it.
I know this is probably an irrational thought, I'm clearly better off with a roof over my head than being homeless and fucked up, but I just can't help but think about it.
Sometimes I see people who are super fucked up, someone you don't want to be, who other people avoid and use as a cautionary tale to not be like, but in my head, I go "Sounds fun actually, I kinda wanna be them". They seem more interesting than I am.
I saw the movie Trainspotting the other day for the first time, a movie about heroin addicts. And clearly the message you see when you see these people are supposed to be "Don't fuck up your life like these people", but to me, their life seems more fun and exciting than mine is. At least they have friends and shit. I want to be like them.
Same with other types of stories with fucked up characters, Breaking Bad, Metamorphosis, etc.
There was this kid I met on VRChat a while back. 18 year old kid. He told me he's been playing since he was 12 years old, and he's done a lot of sexting and erotic role playing a lot, presumably with people far older than him.
Now this kid was clearly groomed, no doubt about it. But the more I spoke with him, he seemed to be alright with it? Like he knows what he's doing, he's fine with it, and he seems to be doing fine to it. He's made a lot of connections, friends, and money, and life experiences, both in real life and in the game because of it. Hell, he's got WAY more money, friends, life experiences, and career (He's in the process of opening up his own cafe) at 18 than I am right now at 27, who has no money, no friends, no life experiences, no career, basically a loser virgin incel chud with nothing going on for him in life (at this point my life is the more fucked up one)
And in my mind, I can't help but go; "Man, I wish I could've been like him growing up, rather than the loser that I was growing up (and still am)"
I know it sounds bad and irrational, but I just can't help think like it.
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